Shotgun Girl

Five - Sadie

Sadie P.O.V.

What the hell did I do last night? I wasn't asking because I didn't remember, I was asking because I did remember. I had sex last night. I lost my virginity. Not only that, but it happened with my best friend. I had sex with Danny. Daniel Taylor and I had sex. Holy shit. How was I supposed to face him now? Would he expect to do it again? Did I want to do it again?

Unable to deal with it all now, I tried to sneak out of bed and even had both feet on the floor, before I was snagged around the waist and pulled right back. In the blink of an eye, I found myself underneath Danny, who was glaring down at me. He began lecturing, "I can practically hear your brain working overtime. Stop! Nothing has to change between us...if you don't want it to. We can go right back to being best friends and act like nothing happened...if that's what you want."

I narrowed my eyes, "Why do you keep saying it like that? What do you want?"

Danny shrugged and crawled off of me, "It doesn't matter what I want, right now. You're the one freaking out."

"That's not fair! You're putting all of this on me. What if what I want, is completely different than what you want?"

"Tell me what you want and I'll tell you if I want the same." Danny challenged.

What did I want? What we'd experienced last night had felt like more than just sex for me, but had it been the same for Danny? I can't afford to tell him that I could picture myself in a real, romantic relationship with him, not knowing whether he felt the same. Then things would be awkward between us and I couldn't lose him as a friend. So where did that leave us? It left us nowhere, because if he isn't willing to admit to what he's feeling and neither am I, we didn't stand a chance.

I sighed, already regretting my answer, as I said, "Let's just forget it and go back to normal."

Danny clenched his jaw and said, "Fine."

Feeling the dreaded awkwardness settle over us, I tried to joke, "At least you lost your virginity before graduation like you wanted."

Danny glared at me, "Seriously, Sadie, after everything that we...after...that's all you have to say about it?"

"What do you want from me?" I yelled, losing my patience.

"You know what?" He snapped as he threw on his clothes. Then he added, "Not a damned thing", on his way out the door.

I closed my eyes, which had flooded with tears, and buried my face in my hands. I was so stupid. I should never have slept with him last night. Sex changed things. It had a way of fouling everything up. I had been too blinded by lust, in the moment, to fully consider the consequences last night. Yes, I'd had my doubts at the time, but kept thinking we'd worry about it tomorrow. Had Danny been blinded by lust too or just so intent on losing his virginity that he lost sight of the big picture? I might never know because he was obviously mad at me now.

"Sadie, did I just hear Danny's voice? What was he doing here so early?" Dad suddenly appeared in my doorway. I lifted my head and when he saw my tears, his face blanched, "What's wrong?"

I shook my head, "I'm so stupid. I did something dumb and now Danny is mad at me. I don't know how to fix this one, Dad."

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" Dad asked, awkwardly.

Again I shook my head, "No, I...can't talk about it."

Dad nodded, thankfully not pushing the issue. Then he said something that sounded pretty profound and nothing like something he would say. "You and Danny have been friends a long time. You've survived a lot of stuff together and you'll survive this to. If someone is meant to be in your life forever, then you'll always find a way back to each other."

I nodded and smiled, through my tears, "Thanks, dad."

Dad nodded and backed out of the room. He didn't bother to tell me when he was leaving the house anymore, because he knew that I knew where he was going. A few minutes later, I heard him exit the house and his truck start up. I shook my head, wondering when he was going to listen to his own words. I knew the two situations were completely different, but apparently mom wasn't meant to be in our lives forever. Maybe God had bigger plans for her. I'm sure good, pure, decent angels were hard to come by these days.

I decided not to wait around for Danny to come to me. I got up, took a quick shower, and got dressed. It was pretty hot outside today, so for once, I decided to forgo my cowgirl boots in favor of a simple pair of flip flops. I paired the sandals with a plain white tank top and cut-off jean shorts. Not my cutest outfit ever, but if Danny was in for the long haul, he better embrace my simple ways. I wasn't a girlie-girl. He knew that already, I thought, as I put my hair up in a ponytail.

I went downstairs, grabbed my car keys, and headed for my car. I hardly ever drove, content to ride shotgun with Danny. My car wasn't anything special, but when I needed it, it was handy. I backed out of the driveway and drove across town, heading for Danny's house. When I didn't see his truck at home, I turned back and drove past the diner, thinking maybe he stopped for breakfast. Not there either. I drove past the basketball courts, as he sometimes went there to shoot hoops. Again, no sign of him. I was just beginning to wonder where in the world he ran off to, when I spotted him.

My chest suddenly felt like it was going to explode with the way my heart was cracking. So he had sex with me last night, yelled at me this morning, and was already moving on? I watched as Danny pulled up to the frozen yogurt shop and none other than Double-D-Dixie came to lean on the counter, to take his order. The way she was leaning had her breasts practically pushed up to her chin. It's a wonder they didn't fall right out of her top. I watched in disgust as she reached out and put her hand on Danny's arm.

Well, I'd been intending to tell Danny my feelings and demand that he tell me his. I suppose I no longer needed to confront him, as I got my answer right now. He didn't care enough about me to wait before flirting with another girl. Well, I hoped he had fun losing his virginity, because he'd also lost his best friend too, I thought bitterly and turned around, heading back home. Alone.