Flat Tire

ii; will

'All we do is drive / All we do is think about the feelings that we hide / All we do is sit in silence waiting for a sign.' - Halsey 'Drive'

"How is she?" Jamie asks.

I make myself smile. "Oh, she's great. Bella's great, thanks. Great."

Instantly, I regret the overkill. Nothing says not good like repetition while my brain struggles for a better positive adjective. I wonder if Jamie's noticed but, as usual, his dark eyes give nothing away.

Five minutes must have passed since we got into the car, at least. I should really start driving soon, before it becomes noticeably weird.

When I glance to my left as I pull out of my parking space, I think I notice Jamie looking at me. But a moment later, with another glance, I see him staring straight ahead.

I want to tell him everything that's going on. I want to say that I don't want to go home because it will inevitably mean listening to more of my parents' arguments. I want to explain that Bella's been distant with me for weeks and that I'm worried things aren't working anymore. I want to ask him to stay in the car a little while longer, so we can go for a drive, so I can enjoy the company of possibly the only person I feel at home with a little longer.

But how do you find the words for all that?

Instead, I comment on the weather. Typical British conversation starter. It's safe, no boundaries crossed, nothing too deep or too personal.

"Nice weather, isn't it?"

This time I notice Jamie look at me, notice his gaze linger for a couple of seconds before he replies, "Yeah, I'm probably gonna go to the beach tomorrow."

"Cool, who with?" I ask.

Jamie shrugs. "Probably Noah, if he's not busy."

"This Noah, are you two... just friends?" I feel tentative as I ask this.

I've always known that Jamie's gay; he had a boyfriend when I met him. But it's never been something that we've discussed, not even when he suddenly ended things with that guy after a few months. I'm not sure why I even feel the need to know whether he's seeing anyone, it just feels important.

"Oh, no way!" Jamie replies, laughing a little. "Noah's got a girlfriend, Saffron. They're totally in love and all that. Plus he's, like, the straightest guy I know."

Something about this statement tacked onto the end of his response strikes at something inside of me. What about this Noah guy makes him straighter than me? I've got a girlfriend too (for the moment, at least).

"So, there's no one you've got your eye on at the moment?"

Why am I so curious?

Jamie falters then. My eyes dart between him and the road, waiting for his response.

"Well, uh, there's this one guy..." he starts, then trails off. "Never mind, that's nothing. There's no one, really."

The route I'm driving is so familiar I've not even been thinking about it, until suddenly I realise I'm turning onto Jamie's street. Too soon, I think.

I pull up outside his house, killing the engine, but he doesn't move.

"Will," he says, voice hushed. He's not looking at me.

"Jamie," I reply. My mouth feels dry but I'm not sure why.

"I, uh... thanks for the lift," Jamie says quickly.

That wasn't what he was going to say and we both know it. What does he want to say? It occurs to me now would be the perfect time to tell him about everything at home, about Bella.

"Anytime."

I watch as Jamie gets out the car and walks across in front of me to get to his house. My window is down; I know he can hear me and I feel like I want to say something, anything.

"Hey, Jamie," I say and he stops suddenly, turning around to face me. "Sometimes I think our drive home is my favourite part of the day."

Jamie's face breaks into a grin and I get this weird feeling like I'm so lucky to get to make him smile like that.

"Hey, Will," he says. "Me too."