Summary: When you're alive, your heart beats, your breath catches and comes in gasps, you age and fall in love and die.
When you're undead, your heart pantomimes beating, you gasp for air that isn't needed, you never age, you fall in love, you stay together if you decide to.
This is a story of how Simon Lewis let go of normalcy and thoughts of being a monster in favor of falling in love with Raphael Santiago. (It's not a bad trade, really.)
By: booksandanime
If someone had told Simon that in a few years, he'd be a vampire, he would laugh in their faces and then proceed to ask them what vampire movie they were last watching. He'd never believe them for the life of him, which was just as well, since he was already quite undead.
And being in the situation he was now, he didn't find it funny at all.
In fact he found it to be quite disgusting, he found himself to be disgusting, and he knew that some people wouldn't hesitate to agree. He wasn't human anymore, he was, in all definitions of the word, a monster.
His mind was filled with a desire for blood, sounds were hammering in his ears, and everything was too bright, too loud, too fast, too everything.
He could hear people's heartbeats, people's breathing, people's blood rushing through their bodes, like how was that even possible? It did nothing to improve his state of mind, and he felt worse than before, if that's even possible.
He's scared, he's so so scared, it feels as if the dark is closing in on him, he needs to get away from everything, he needs to go somewhere safe.
Where where where, where he can find this place. There's obviously something wrong with him because right now his mind is telling him to go to Raphael, he can help you, he's a vampire, but he's still feeling strange and after yelling at Raphael, he doesn't think he wants him there.
He doesn't even want himself to be anywhere near humans, but he needs to see his family, they could keep him safe and- Wait. No. Of course they couldn't keep him safe, he was a vampire! He had to stay away from them! But he needed them, to keep himself sane, but how on earth could he see them if he couldn't even control his urges?
So he decided to flee into the night.
It's a lonely time, he thought, when you become so afraid of yourself that you have to keep everyone you love away from you.
He used his speed to get away, tears stinging his eyes the whole time, or maybe it was just the wind.
He honestly doesn't know anymore.
-
No one understands, but they care.
For some reason, that hurts Simon more than he thinks it could. He knows that Clary and Luke cares about him, and Luke to some extent, understands what he's going through, but it's not the same. Luke can still go out in daylight. Luke can drink coffee. Luke doesn't need to drink blood. Sure there are some werewolf qualities that are negative, but Luke has things under control.
What can Simon do?
Well for starters, he can't drink coffee, he can't go out in direct sunlight, but he can see his reflection. He has to control his urges, he knows, but right now, all he can remember is hurt.
