Asymptote (bxb)

Chapter 11: Coffee with a Side of Awkward

                   

I found Lake in the bathroom afterwards. He was shaking; one hand clutching the wall and the other grasping at his chest. His breaths were unsteady gasps that fogged the mirror which he refused to tear his eyes from.

            I didn't blame him. My fuckbuddy had just threatened to beat the shit out of him while his boyfriend just watched, and then his seemingly distanced, asshole brother had come to the rescue. Sounded like an episode of Y&R.

            I leaned against the door, running a hand through my hair awkwardly.

            "Lake?"

            He turned, just slightly, not surprised.

            "Why do you like him?"

            Time seemed to stop. My mouth opened, and then it closed again. His collar was half up and his neck underneath was an irritated red. His eyes were red rimmed and he wiped at them furiously with his sleeve. And this was all at the fault of Mi.

            Why did I like him? I couldn't answer that. Why did I love him? I could write a novel on it. It would start with his eyes gazing at me through the smoke of his cigarette and end with the way the corners of his mouth turned upwards as he fought back tears.

            I wasn't immune to his faults. Miles was damaged. Maybe that was part of the appeal for me. That maybe, if I could make him dependant enough on me, he would love me.

            But I had to lie. Miles wasn't gay and we weren't fucking and I wasn't in love with my friend. I wasn't that pathetic.

            "What are you talking about?"

            "Mi. Why do you like him?"

            "I-I-I," I stuttered.

            Except I was. I was that pathetic. I stared at the floor, my hair falling in front of my eyes and I sucked my bottom lip between my teeth. Fuck. "I don't know."

            "He's homophobic," Lake said.

            "I know." I fell back against the wall and let it hold my weight because I couldn't.

            "He's violent."

            "I know."

            Neither of those statements were true, but I wasn't going to fight him. How could I with what we had just witnessed? He literally shouted homophobic slurs with one hand wrapped around Lake's neck. Miles didn't mean it. He couldn't have. He had been hurt the same way, and he wouldn't willingly put someone through the same pain.

            Lake's next statement, however, was the pure truth. Truth I wasn't ready to hear.

            "He's going to break your heart."

            "I know." I didn't recognize my own voice. It was a crackling whisper that barely made it past my lips.

            It was after one look at Lake, looking like he was about to rip at the seams, realizing everything he knew made no sense, that I realized my problems weren't important right now.

            I cleared my throat and held my eyes shut for a count of three.

            "Lake, are you okay?"

            "No." I could relate.

            "Maybe you should go home." God knows I wanted to.