Black Roses | j.b

chapter eleven

I changed the name of this book to "Black Rose" from "You wanna bet?" if anyone wonders!! And I'm updating today since I won't be able to tomorrow!

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"You're beautiful."

That was the first thing he said afterwards. You're beautiful. That was the first time a boy had ever told me that.

"I love you. You know that right?" Jonathan says while playing with my hair. I have my eyes closed, my head resting on his bare chest and drawing small circles on his belly with my fingers.

"Yeah..." I mumble. He moves his hand from my hair to my back which makes me shiver. I feel and hear how his heart raises as he takes a deep breath.

"Eighth grade." He says. I'm not sure what he means and it takes a few seconds before I understand.

"It started with only bad dreams. I couldn't sleep at night and always woke up early, even on the weekends." He mumbles and I swallow hard.

"I eh- I didn't think it would end like this. I didn't- think...it would go this far, you know." He says and I move my hand up to his chest, slowly moving my hand over his bare skin. "My mom used to wake up to the sound of my screams and..."

He takes a break and I feel his chest move up and down as he breathes.

"The doctors wouldn't give me anything- they said I was too young for having a depression. So a year went and- it only got worse. I just- I can't describe- it's impossible to describe what I've gone through. There are no words in the world that can possibly explain the feelings I've had over the past years."

"Jon-" I say and inhale. "I'm-"

But there are no words coming out and I don't know if there's anything I can say to make him feel any better.

"You don't have to say anything, you know. I've had people telling me how to feel, and how to deal with my feelings my whole life. I don't need you to tell me that. I just- I need you to understand. Okey?" He says and I slightly nod. A laugh leaves my lips and I don't really know why.

"I kinda knew something wasn't right. You know... You know our first kiss?" I mumble.

"No, I completely forgot." He says and I smile though we're talking about a serious subject.

"I noticed that- you weren't you. I noticed something was wrong, but I told myself you were okey." I say and Jonathan keep moving his fingers over my back.

"I'm sorry I didn't pay more attention to you that day. I'm sorry I didn't ask you twice how you felt ."

"Yeah, well, you did make my heart break a bit..." He says and I can tell by the sound of his voice that he's just joking.

"I'm serious." I say and move up a bit so I can see his face. He looks at me, his hair's messier than usual and his lips are a bit swollen. He's the most beautiful person I've ever met.

"I'm sorry." I say and Jonathan just stares at me with his blue eyes narrowed at mine.

"You don't have to apologize." He mumbles while looking at me with his mouth half open.

"Something tells me I do." I say. Jonathan raises his hand to my face and caresses my cheek then he smiles.

"I love you so much." He says. I look at his perfect face for several seconds before I lean down to kiss him. Right then, I think we both notice the sound of a car door shutting close because we both twitch at the same time.

"What was that?" I ask and look at Jonathan as he sits straight up.

"Oh shit, mom's home!" He says and within a second we both get up on our feet. I quickly grab my panties and pull Jonathan's shirt over my head.

"I thought she wouldn't come home until 4?" I say and turn to Jonathan who stands on the other side of the bed and he looks at me with a stressed expression.

"Me too." He answers and pulls his shirt on. I look down and realize I can't walk down like this, I have no pants or bra. Mary will notice something's up. We hear the front door opens, followed by Mary's voice.

"Hello?" She yells. I turn to Jonathan and he stutters before managing to pronounce an answer.

"Up here!" He yells and I look at him with big eyes. I jump over the bed and stand by him.

"She can't see me like this!" I whisper loudly and Jonathan looks at me with his eyebrows raised.

"What do you want me to do?" He whispers back.

"I need pants!" I say and we both turn our heads to the closed door as footsteps close in. Jonathan gives me a pair of sweatpants and I quickly put them on. As it knocks on the door I wipe the sweat of my forehead.

"Come in." Jonathan says as he walk towards the door.

"Hey honey... Oh hi Quinn! I didn't know you were here!" Mary says as she sees me. I smile at her.

"Hey Mary, how are you?" I ask for courtesy.

"Mom, you're home early?" Jonathan statements, but it sounds more like a question. Mary looks at him then at me.

"It's four fifteen." She says and Jonathan opens his mouth in surprise as he looks at me.

"Oh." He says, looking back at his mother. "Well, we eh- we're working on the project."

Mary looks at him, as do I. He gives me a quick glance before looking at his mother again.

"Oh, I see. Well, don't let me disturb you." She says and smiles kindly at me.

"Nice to meet you again." She says and I smile at her. Jonathan closes the door behind her and leans against it with his back. He looks at me while exhaling and I look at him. I smile and so does he.

"Dude." I say and he laughs. He's beautiful when he's laughing, and I can't believe that he actually loves me. He bites his lip then smiles.

"We should probably start working on the project." He says and I nod. I pull my hair up in a bun and go towards my backpack to take my books out. My knees are a bit shaky, and I don't know if it's from mine and Jonathan's intimacy or the fact that we almost got caught, but besides from that I actually don't feel so different. Except from that boiling happiness inside my stomach. I can't help but smile as I take my history books out and walk over to the desk where Jonathan's sitting by the computer. He looks up at me as I lay the books down on his desk.

"So, I did some research on why-" I stop as he smiles at me and I give him a wondering glance and can't help but smile a bit.

"What?" I ask. Jonathan stands up and I have to tilt my head back to look him in the eyes.

"Nothing." He mumbles before he gently kisses me. Though I just kissed him 5 minutes ago, it feels kinda foreign. Like if it's the first time.