letters from munich | toni kroos [COMPLETE]

the seventh. the last.

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dear toni,

it has been half a year since i sent my last letter. a year and a half since you left. whether they reached you, or if you did manage to read them is not up to me anymore. some things i just cannot confirm.

i refuse to be in love with you for any longer. i fear i have reached the tipping point, and i'd rather not risk it all just for a man who didn't have the decency to break it off with me in person, choosing to hide behind a phone.

i cannot blame you, since i also hide behind these letters. no letter i sent has ever been the first draft. every one led to many more being crumpled up and thrown in the mesh bin i have by my table.

your family is worried, as is mine. i'm sure you contact them, because how can you not? they walk on eggshells around me, your brother never mentions your name in my presence like a dark omen. i told them they don't have to be so kind to me in the wake of our fall out, but they simply told me i was a friend regardless. i hope you see how miserable you have made not only me, but both of our families.

yet, i have imposed myself on them for far too long. i'm leaving munich, for a city known for its lights and glamour. paris needs to be my fresh start, something you labelled madrid as in our last phone call. it's funny how we swapped places, i'm a spaniard and you're a german, yet we live in the opposite places. you live in my hometown, while i live in not exactly yours, but a place you called home for years.

i'm going to therapy to unlearn my useless attachment to you and your empty words. i'm going to stop getting pity filled eyes every time i bump into your friends and your coworkers because i refuse to be stuck in your past while you moved on into your future.

i hope it was worth it, losing my daughter and me at the same time. and have fun with your new girl, i hope you treat her better than how you treated me.

i hope you're hopelessly devoted to her, and your eyes light up every time you see her, and everything else disappears because she's just that special, the way i saw you. i hope you call your parents and excitedly tell them she's the one, the same way i used to call mine.

and then i hope she breaks your heart the same way you broke mine.

i should be less bitter, but i'm done loving. i wasted 5 years loving.

this is my last letter toni, and i no longer care if you read it or not. my daughter needs me more than i need you .

avena and heidi alonso.

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this is the last of the letters. maybe i'll put in some letters from toni but idk, it feels like a good place to end it.

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