Cold, Hungry, and Torn (Feat. Johnny Depp)

Chapter 9: Sounds Like A Plan

I sat with him for a few minutes, letting my brain stay numb for the first time in a long time. I was so used to having to be constantly on edge and alert, so letting myself go numb was a new sensation. 

"I'm sorry. I really shouldn't have dumped any of this on you. I shouldn't have even come home with you, it was stupid." I said, finally finding the willpower to move away from him and stand up off the couch. 

"Dawn. Don't be an idiot." Johnny started, making me turn my head to give him an angry glare. "I didn't give you a choice. I wanted you to come home with me. I couldn't live with myself if I had left you alone to sleep in that alley. I'm glad you told me all of that. You needed to tell someone. I'm glad you're in my life, Dawn. I don't want you to ever feel like a burden." 

He still didn't seem to understand. "Johnny. My whole life I've been living as a burden to the people around me. It's drilled into my brain. That's half the reason I was homeless for so long-" 

Why did I say that. Why did I say "was". I still am homeless. I didn't mean to say was.

"I meant... I meant it's why I AM homeless..." I corrected myself, looking down, avoiding eye contact with him. 

"No. No, you were right, Dawn. It's why you WERE homeless for so long." he said, standing up off the couch and taking a step toward me. I could feel his eyes on me but I refused to look up at him. "Dawn, I'm not going to let you go off alone again. I can't willingly watch you walk out that door. You're staying here as long as you need to. We'll get you a job, some new clothes that are actually made for women, and we'll get you back on your feet. Until then, you can continue to stay here, I don't mind, really." 

I was practically in shock. Still not meeting his eye line, and instead just staring at his feet in front of me. I didn't have anything to say. I didn't want to stay, but I really didn't want to leave. As much as I hated to admit it, I needed him. 

In reality, I knew I didn't "need" anyone, but that mindset is what kept me homeless for so long. I could have reached out to someone and asked for help. I could have asked my brothers to raise some money to fly to France to live with them. I could have asked my dad if I could go live in France with him. I could have reached out to Denise and found out where she was and gone to live with her. But instead, I decided to be stubborn. I decided to refuse help from anyone. 

I was such an idiot. 

"Dawn? Are you alright? Do you need to sit down?" Johnny asked, taking a step closer and slowly reaching his hand out to grab my hand. I hadn't realized how badly I was zoning out. 

I finally brought my gaze to meet his as he held my hand to comfort me. I still didn't know what to say. I had a sudden wave a fear flow through my body as my mind stayed numb. 

"I'm so stupid..." I finally choked out. 

"What are you talking about? Why do you say that? Here, sit down, please." he responded, trying to guide me back down to the couch. 

"No!" I shouted, pulling my arm away from him quickly and taking a few steps back. "Johnny I fucked up!" I could tell if I was shouting because I was angry or scared. "I fucked up my whole life! I don't know how to fix this! I was so stubborn! I was so STUPID." I continued to step backwards away from him, until I ran into the wall behind me. 

"You're having a panic attack, Dawn, I need you to calm down, please. Just take a deep breath. You didn't fuck anything up, everything is going to be perfectly fine. Trust me." he said softly, taking slow step toward me, as if he were approaching a small animal in the forest that he didn't want to scare off. 

My breathing began to get heavy and I felt my heart rate pick up. I didn't realize it until that moment but I was shaking badly. My knees were shaking so badly that they began to grow weak and I started sliding down the wall behind me. 

"Hey, hey, hey" Johnny said quickly, walking over to me and kneeling down next to me as I continued to shake and hyperventilate. "Dawn, take deep breaths, please. Just breathe. In for 7 seconds, hold is for 5 seconds, and then out for 7 seconds." he began to demonstrate how he wanted me to breathe. I attempted to follow along but I kept coughing and breathing quickly again. Finally, after my breathing became at least slightly regular, he spoke again. "Here, take my hand" he said, grabbing my hand and holding it in his again, "We're going to figure it out, love. I promise. It's never too late to start over, you understand? I was 21 when I got my first role in a movie. Until then, I had no idea what I was doing. Hell, I still don't know what I'm doing, I don't even know if I like working as an actor. We're going to get you back on track to have a successful life, Dawn. Okay? I just need you to work with me on this. I agree, you were too stubborn, but you're not stupid. You're a smart girl, okay? We're gonna make a to-do list to get you back on your own, do you think you can manage that?"

I simply nodded. My breathing was finally back to normal but my mind was still racing. Though, Johnny's comforting words were definitely helping. I wasn't used to being comforted. By anyone, ever. 

"Okay good. Then that's what we're gonna do." he said, before dropping me hand, hopping to his feet, running over to his coffee table, grabbing a pen and small piece of paper, and walking back over and sitting down next to me. "Alright. So first, we're gonna go get you some new clothes", as he spoke, he began to write everything down as though he was writing a grocery list, "then, since you didn't finish High School, we're gonna get you your GED at the community college down the road. Then we'll get you a job. What do you wanna do after that?" he asked, turning his head to look at me.

I racked my brain for what I actually wanted to do. I never had a career goal, so I didn't know what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I didn't even know what I would use the money from my job for. "I don't know... Maybe once I make enough money I can buy a plane ticket to France to go live with my dad or brothers?" I suggested. 

He seemed to pause for a moment, his eyes growing slightly sad and his face dropping any readable sign of emotion. He paused like this for a few minutes before finally turing back to his pen and paper and writing it down. "Okay, okay sounds like a plan. I'll help you get France, end then I guess you're on your own from there. Until then, you're my new roommate." 

"Sounds like a plan..." I repeated quietly, still a bit shaken up from the panic attack. 

Sounds like a plan. 

Author's Note: HOLY SHIT. TWO YEARS AND I FINALLY UPDATED? HELL YEAH I DID. ---Hazel