Secrets And Lies (Septiplier)

Chapter 39

(Jack's P.O.V.)

I'm in the back of the school, alone, like I used to be. Now I'm almost never back here without Mark. Why am I here alone? I look up at the sky. It's cloudy, looks like it's gonna rain soon. I should head inside. But I'm waiting here for something, or I feel like I'm waiting for something. What am I waiting for? I don't know but I stand there waiting anyways. 

After only a couple minutes it starts raining, nothing heavy, just light rain dampening my hair. I put the hood on my sweater up anyways, blocking the rain from soaking my hair more. It's not that the rain itself bothers me. It's that it feels weird. Not like the normal rain that splashes softly on your arm or your head, but it feels more like tiny rocks, pelting the top of my head, even though it's very light rain. And then the pain sticks for a minute. Why does it feel that way? I sigh, looking around. 

"Jack?" I hear a small voice, an unsure voice. But I recognize it nonetheless. I turn suddenly, looking at Mark who stands a good two yards away. I smile a bit but he doesn't smile back. Instead he looks at me with wide, fearful eyes. 

"Mark?" I ask but my voice doesn't sound like my voice. It sounds deeper, and the accent is thicker. Overall, more threatening. And instead of the concerned tone I meant to ask with it sounded more like a statement, a not good statement. He starts backing away, his breathing becoming uneven. 

"Mark, what's wrong?" I ask, concerned beyond all belief, but it sounded teasing. Why? What's going on? He shakes his head, tears threatening to spill. I reach out and I freeze, staring at my own hand. My nails aren't like nails, but more like claws. And my skin is darker, a grayer. What the hell? I look up at Mark, putting my hand down. Instead I just walk up to him but he runs backwards, tripping and falling to the ground. 

"Mark!" I say, worried. Did he hurt himself? But instead it sounded just more threatening. I start walking faster but he shakes his head wildly, making me stop. 

"No! No. Don't touch me! Don't come near me! You monster!" He growls, crying now. It feels like my heart is being shattered in two when he says that, but I can't stop myself. I keep walking towards him, just slower. "No! Get away from me!" He yells. I frown, shaking my head slowly. 

"Mark... No..." I say, but it sounds like a refusal of what he's saying rather then what I meant, which was to say that I'm not a monster. Soon I'm only inches away. 

"You are a monster! Filthy monster! Get away from me! No!" He yells, screaming now. My heart breaks more, and before I even realize what I'm doing I'm dragging Mark to his feet, literally pushing him away from me. But I don't want him to go. I want him to stay and hug me and make me feel all better. But no. I push him away. I'm always going to push him away, he's always gonna think of me as that monster that bullied him for years... 

Sure enough as soon as Mark gathers enough balance he turns and runs, still in tears, never looking back. I just cry quietly. Until I open my eyes. Ma didn't shake me awake this time, no I woke on my own. I can't believe it... I'm pushing him away. I always push everyone away. But I want Mark to be here with me, I want to love him. I can't. I just pushed him away, and gave him yet another reason to think of me as a monster. The monster I really am. I put my head in my hands and I just cry, shaking my head slowly. You were right Mark... I am a monster...

***

I've been awake for a while. I'm dressed, I've eaten. But now I just want to clear my head. After saying a quick goodbye to Ma I walk out of the house and down the sidewalk, just walking wherever. Until I get to 7th and Ogden. Why not? I turn and go to the park, walking along the trails. I just keep walking, thinking, alone with my thoughts. My thoughts of Mark and pushing him away and of how much of a monster I really am. 

I see the group of trees Ann turned at to go to Mark's favorite place and I turn, going into the trees. However, once I'm out of sight from the trail, I break down. I start crying, no not crying, sobbing. I'm a monster, I don't deserve anything, let alone Mark. He has a right to run away, to never forgive me. 

I pushed him away, that was my fault, and he has every right to never come back. And why should he? I'm a broken, evil, messed up monster. And that's all I am. That's all I have been, all I'll ever be. I wrap my arms around myself and I fall to my knees, just sobbing and crying and yelling. I'm a monster, Mark deserves so much more... And I don't want to believe that but I know it's true...

(Mark's P.O.V.)


I kick a rock out of my path, continuing down the trail. I'm walking to my favorite hiding place, the old playground at the park. I just need to think, and be alone. So many people have been so concerned about me and up my nose about it. I understand why. I haven't been myself. But it's hard to be myself now without Jack. But he hurt me so bad... 

Nearing my favorite place I come to notice... Crying? No, not just crying. This person is sobbing. Yelling. Are they okay? I continue walking down the path, quicker. The sobbing grows louder and louder. And I turn. Behind the trees, on the way to my favorite place? Who would be back here? I slowly walk off the trail and I walk around the trees. The sight before me makes my eyes go wide and my words stick in my throat. I only manage one word. 

"J...Jack?"