Adrian and Patrick

9

"Well, yeah us. Did you think I was just going to leave you to take care of her on your own?" Adrian seemed genuinely curious as he asked that.

I smiled sadly at him.

I could be his best friend, sure. No problem- loving him from a relatively close distance.

Living with him?

Raising my sister with him in an actual house and dealing with mortgage and power companies...

That'd just be torture; seeing the exact life I wanted, yet could never have.

"Adrian...I appreciate all you've done for me and my sister. But-" I started.

"But what?" Adrian cut me off, his smile slowly drifting into a frown.

I sighed. "You can't live with us, Adrian. I-...I couldn't ask that of you." You can't ask that of me, I thought to myself.

"Why not, Patrick? You're my best friend, and I lo... I loved Benjamin and Natalie too." His cheeks flushed a faint pink when he stuttered, which was a little odd.

Shaking my head slightly, I look him in the eyes. "Adrian, this is our- " I closed my eyes, shaking my head. "Your last year here." I opened my eyes to once again look into his. "You need to be at home with your family and study, or practice...whatever you do. This is my responsibility...she's my responsibility, now."

Adrian studies my face for a minute, and a soft look comes to his face. "Pat, I told you I'd take care of you." I went to cut him off, but when he saw, he stared talking again. "I'll take a year off school when we graduate, and by then she'll be almost two so...y'all can come with me, when I leave. I can go to day classes and play games and you can go to night classes so one of us'll always be there to watch her." His eyes lost focus and he smiled softly, looking somewhere on the wall behind me. "And then when she gets older we could go somewhere completely new so she can have an awesome school, and-"

"Adrian." I cut him off, my mouth set in a tight line. He jumps a little and looks me, looking a little hurt when he takes in my expression. "Even if you moved in with us now, we wouldn't go with you when you left." He opened his mouth slightly and, copying him, I resumed my rant before he could cut in. "But you living with us for a year and a half is stupid anyway, because then she'd grow attached to you and it'd only hurt her when you left. So no, Adrian, you're not moving in or taking a year off school, or having us leave to college with you. We're not going to have a family, which is what you're describing, in case you didn't realize."

Once I finish talking, I really look at Adrian for the first time since I started. His eyes are slightly teary and his bottom lip it trembling ever-so-slightly as he stares at me, looking as vulnerable as i'd ever seen him.

My mean expression falls as I study him, and I feel horrible. He as just trying to help me; I shouldn't take it out on him because of how much I wished we could have what he was talking about.

But he'll find a real family soon, and when he left it'd be me and my sister getting hurt. Sure, I didn't care if I got hurt; if expect it.

Her, though...he'd practically be a second father to her, and when he left she'd be crushed.

"Adrian-" I started, but before I could say more he turned and walked away quickly, jogging slightly when I started to follow him.

I let him go, turning instead to the closed door and returning to the room, feeling like shit.