Calf love

1/15 he was the difference

flashback to before we got together:

Walking down the country paths with my dog and Dad. Looking up at the clouds and asking my thoughts if I was choosing the right path.
I hadn't an idea. Without experience, I hadn't a clue and wouldn't have known how to re-think my actions and wouldn't have known how to make outcomes a little different.... For the better.

I'd think about him, his eyes, his smile, his sense of humour. His hair.
I convinced myself that I'd fallen in love. Only when asked by my dad , "so you like this boy?"

"Yeah I suppose so"

"How much?"

"Well I like him as a person, he's kind, funny and different. He's different."

My dad smiled at me and shook his head, "maybe you love him?"

I didn't understand and still don't to this day know why my dad mentioned loving someone at 15 years old before even getting to know the person. Even still, it was a kind gesture and helping hand.... That did lead me down the road to mayhem, but at least I got a good few thrills along the way.

It's funny how I would think about how much I thought I loved Archie even beige he asked me out. It's like I was preparing myself for when the day came, almost like I knew he'd eventually ask me.

I did think he was more my league and so that changed a few things up to how I approach crushes. Usually I wash them out of my hair within a few weeks / phases. But not with Archie, he was like no crush I'd ever had before. He was so normal. Yet he was so different. He was different to all the other boys I'd took a fancy to.

Maybe if I hadn't convinced myself I loved him so much it wouldn't have come to such a shock in the first place.

I just wasn't used to someone loving me more than I loved them. I was always the needy one. Or in my head I was. This time Archie tried his very best to give me all his love and attention but really all I wanted was to call it all off and ask for us to go back to basics but then he started craving more of me and more than me.