Calf love

Some things you tried to say, they had my mind going round in circles.

I'm not really sure whether I am being a good person at the moment.

I seem to let potential fantasies play in my mind, one too many times and I am now close to loosing all of my senses.
I catch myself staring up at the ceiling at 2am even when there's nothing to playfully worry about. I don't even try and stop myself, I just carry on.

Ruining the day? I do hope that's not the case. Seeing his, your face, kind of brightens my day up in a slightly melancholy kind of way... Sorta.

Listening to Depeche mode, 'enjoy the silence' on repeat for the last half hour was quite mystical.
I started singing along and knew that if I didn't say it aloud, I wouldn't have fulfilled my inhibition of the day....
"You should listen to this...."

Hands over clean-ish headphone socket. I did it without thinking about what he, you might think. Because if we are friends then what does it matter? We're only having fun.

"Woah... His voice, it's so depressing"
I tried not to sound affected and simply tried to reason and see the good in you're in-knowledgable judgement.

"Oh." "Well, if you don't want to listen" I took the head phone and you grabbed it out from my weak hold.
"Oh no, I'll listen" and you did.

I bet you enjoyed it! It's a classic. I am surprised you didn't know of it beforehand.

Your friend did, who was sat next to you.

I am kind of glad you didn't know of them. I am always glad of when you aren't familiar with the things that I am.

It's better that way. As I can feel less guilty about not being with you.

So I said that I'd go out with you Thursday night, with our friend Shaun. Of course you wouldn't have just invited me. Thank goodness!

You classed it as a liberating factor, to go out to a "dirty vish on thristy Thursdays"
I hope you are working this Thursday, I just don't feel like I can go.

Some things you tried to say, it had my mind going round in circles.

-
"This is a whole new you, letting go of the rules"

"You are so sweet."

"Don't worry. I will look after you."

"Don't you have faith in me?"

"Do you trust me?"

"You don't have to come. Do not come if you feel that you don't trust me."

-

All is good and well.

It's just, well. I was speaking to your friend, Leah, and she asked about me going out with you into town.

I played it well.... I hope. "Where did you hear that from?" I asked suspiciously.

So you'd brought it up, how embarrassing. No no I think it's quite funny.

There's always this voice though, in the back of my mind, telling me it's all talk and that you are a bad person. I suppose I just get drawn into those potential hazards.

"Are you scared?"

"Scared?"

"Yeah about going out with him."

"Yeah, I mean I'm not sure."

"Aw please don't worry. You'll be fine" and she giggled, almost sarcastically.

"???"

"You'll be fine,"

"What if he leaves me? That's the only problem."

"He won't ditch you."

"He's fine, it's just to make sure he doesn't drink too much"

Now I am wary. You aren't the most trustworthy person and you are hard to read?

I've never drunk a whole bottle of anything before.... I don't know what's going to happen.

My greatest fear about Thursday is not whether you loose me or ditch me... It's if you go off me for the wrong reasons.

You can go off me because I don't abide by your rules and virtues but if you go off me because I go against my moral virtues which I hold dear, then I would be disappointed in myself.