It's Hard to Say Goodbye

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May

It's the end of the semester now one day left before I'm completely released of my title Educator, and that is graduation which is tonight, it's flown by so fast. I haven't known these kids very long maybe three years starting when I was a substitute teacher to now, I've seen them grown and most of them become wonderful human beings, others not so much. But that's not the point. I finish putting Lucian's hair into a bun because he wanted to be like mommy just as I hear someone walk through the front door.
"Richard Allen Olson, I swear to god one day I will kill you," I tell from the bathroom.
"Call me Richard again and you won't have to chance," he laughs walking into the bathroom,"aw I missed the bun party,"
"It's not too late for you," I say smirking at him.
"Yeah Icky," Lucian says.
"He knows I can't resist that," Ricky sighs and sits on the counter like Lucian just was.
"Ricky you're a little taller than a two year old" I say
"Only a little?" He laughs before moving to the edge of the bathtub I move to stand at his shoulder and brush his hair up into my hand before giving him a bun at the top of his head.
"Am I pretty Lou?" Ricky asks Lucian who just cheers and claps his hands.
"Family!" Lucian squeals and I bite my lip looking at Ricky. Who raises an eyebrow at my son.
"If you want sir," Ricky says picking up Lucian as he gets up from the tub. I sigh and follow them out to the living room.
"I look ridiculous," Ricky laughs.
"You look handsome," I roll my eyes.
Ricky smiles,"well since we all match, get over here," I walk over to him taking Lucian who's reaching for me, Ricky wraps his arm around my waist and takes a picture of the three of us.
"We look adorable," he says.
"What happened to ridiculous?" I ask.
And he shows me the picture, we do look adorable.
"Don't worry I'm not going to post anywhere," he says before locking his phone and sliding it into his pocket,"don't you have a graduation to get ready for?"
I just nod and set Lucian down who just runs into the living room grabbing the miniature guitar he got for Christmas from Ricky, to my surprise it actually works.
"Are you two going to be okay?" I ask.
"He's stayed the night with me before I think I'll be okay while you get dressed," Ricky says rolling his eyes. I shrug and walk back upstairs to my room and start getting ready, I pull on my dress, it's light blue on top with a black and white polka dot body on skirt, it doesn't quite meet the dress code but fuck 'Em it's my last day what are they going to do fire me? I pull on black tights and my black heeled ankle boots. I slip on my coffin ring and change my plugs to red pentagrams and put the necklace Ricky gave me back on before pulling my hair down from the bun and straighten it making sure my plugs are covered, and I start on my makeup, deciding to do my full face. Once I'm done I walk downstairs while Ricky and Lucian are playing the little instruments, watching Ricky drum is pretty funny to be honest I take a picture before either of them notice.
"Momma you wook bootyful," Lucian says standing up to hug my legs. Ricky looks up from the drum.
"Damn" I hear him mutter before clearing his throat and speaking up,"he's not wrong, you look gorgeous"
"Thank you," I smile,"are you still coming?"
He nods,"should I change?"
I laugh,"no you're fine"
Ricky pulls his bun out and shake his hair down before pushing it out of his face, pulling the beanie he was wearing earlier out of his pocket and returning it to its place on his head.
"It was making my head hurt," he says
"Let's go," I say taking Lucian's hand, he's already dressed in a black button up, black baby skinny jeans and black toddler doc Martens. He's rather handsome looking, even with his curly blonde hair up in a bun.
"Can I drive?" Ricky asks motioning to my Audi. I laugh,"I'm serious"
"I guess, be careful," I say handing him the key fob before putting Lucian in his car seat. Ricky gets in my drivers seat adjusting the seat back since I'm only 5'1".
I get in the passenger seat as Ricky presses the button in the center console to start the engine.
"God it's perfect" he sighs before backing out around his car. The radio plays Angel Eyes by New Years Day. I sing along quietly with Ash, Ricky joins in singing Chris' part, it's the first time I've heard him sing and just like his laugh it's something magical, is that weird? Should I be thinking things like that about my best friend?
"You have beautiful voice," Ricky says glancing over at me, I blush.
"You too," I say he smiles.
"Thank you," he says we sing along with more songs Lucian joining in on the ones he kind of knows and it's too cute.

Ricky parks my car in my spot and we walk to the football field, the students chose me to speak for the class, ironic huh? Ricky and Lucian stand with me.
"Ms.Manson can we get a picture with you?" Gage asks as her cute little posse walks up I nod and stand in the middle of the four girls, they low key were some of my favorite students. Cat's father takes the picture before handing her phone back, and the girls walk away to put their cap and frowns on.
"Thank you Ms. Manson, for always being there for the girls, I know high school wasn't always very kind to them, but it got better when you became their teacher, you gave them a place to express themselves in such a confining school system, you were more than just their teacher you were their friend and I can't thank you enough for that, especially after we lost Sarah last year," he says slightly tearing up at the mention of his late Wife's name, which causes me to tear up remembering the day Cat came running to my room thirty minutes late bawling her eyes out asking for nothing but a hug.
"It was my pleasure they're great kids, I couldn't have asked for a better class to follow me on my journey as a teacher," I smile and he hugs me which I return before he goes to take his seat I turn to look at Ricky.
"See you're a rockstar," he says," only parents enjoy you making such an impact on their children"
I smile,"I enjoy the impact you're making in Lucian's life"
Now he smiles,"you're one of few"
"It's about to start, you better go get your seats," I say Ricky nods and begins walking up the bleachers, I hope Lucian bus patient enough to sit through this.
I take my seat on the turf while the Knights band takes its place on the field as they've many times this year for football games. I'll be honest I didn't think saying goodbye to a bunch of kids and faculty that never seemed to appreciate me, would be so hard.
After the band plays and the valedictorian speaks it's my turn.
"The senior class of 2015 has chooses Ms. Manson as our class speaker, please give her the round of applause she truly deserves," a girl named Hannah says and the graduates clap, I smile before walking up to the podium.
"Good evening, surprisingly for a teacher I'm not very good at speeches," I say smiling at the crowd," but I am good at talking about these kids, who have followed me through the beginning of my career from the time they were just sophomores, and since then I've watched them grow into these beautiful talented young adults, who are very opinionated, smart, and encouraging to each other. I'm pleased to have be chosen as your class speaker, because I am not a core class teacher, the students I had chose to be in my class, and the ones I didn't have still came to visit because I had been their substitute years before, I know how hard working you all are, I know how caring you are, I know your strengths and your weaknesses, I know you will all do great things, and I look forward to seeing what you do in the future. I'll leave you with one last piece of advice, be the good you want to see in the world, never be afraid to be yourself, or do what's right, and if you still don't know what you want to do for the rest of your life remember Rome wasn't built in a day, you'll be just fine. But most importantly never give up on a dream, because a dream is what lead me to this place, what lead me to pursue teaching and what lead me to meet each and everyone you students and soon to be alums, even if things don't go the way you planned it, don't give up it will all turn out just fine." I introduce the principle next and the rest of the ceremony begins, and I try not to tear up watching my students cross the stage. I have never been prouder of kids that aren't mine. I've seen quite a few of them struggle and to watch them cross that stage is heartwarming. I remember why I wanted to be a teacher, and the fact that it is now being ripped away from me hurts even more.

After the ceremony Ricky and Lucian find me silent tears rolling down my cheeks, as soon as Ricky sees me he sets Lucian down and hugs me tight rubbing my back.
"You'll find something you love just as much, I promise," he whispers,"maybe you could even move up and teach college?"
I just nod, he knows me so well, I didn't even have to tell him what was bothering me, he just knew.

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