Lessons

Lessons pt 04

The dark, cloudy sky seemed to be crying its deepest wishes in that late summer evening, the rain pouring down his face, so soothing, so pure, so merciful, as if it wanted to wash all the sorrow away. A young man's footsteps were echoing down the empty street as he was running back home, not giving attention to the puddles splashing his legs as he was carelessly stepping into them. Heavy, thick rain was making his slim, tiny appearance barely noticeable under rare street lights, the surrounding dark making it even less perceptible. Almost... Invisible. Yes. Exactly what he usually was. Invisible. Never loved, always despised. And now, abandoned and left alone. Exactly what I deserved, he thought and felt tears mixing with the rain on his face. Slowly, the young man slowed down and then finally stopped. He threw his head back and lifted his chin, allowing the rain to wash away saltiness of tears from his face. Then, when its stinging became no bearable anymore, he lowered his chin up to his chest, crying and shivering, but didn't move on.

An uncertain period of time passed as he was standing still, in the same position, there on the rain. There was no point in rushing home, the thought finally came to his head. Rushing home, to his bedroom, where he had left his window opened, and removing the papers which he had left on the desk below it. And now so obviously wet and destroyed, papers with all the guitar riffs he'd been trying to remember and write down for the last few months. From the same riffs he was so efficiently pulling out his most precious memories he had about his never destined lover and whose creation they actually were. Why the heck was he still keeping all these songs beside himself when even the thought of playing guitar wasn't bright to him anymore?! In fact, it was just making the whole situation more painful.

Student Landers moved on again, but his steps were slow and resigned now, steps of a man who had lost his brightest thing in his life. Why did it take me so long to finally realize it was over, he thought and very soon realized he wasn't able to see properly from all his blinding tears. Oh, how much he wished he could turn the time back... To freeze in time every step of his running and then transform it into the steps of going backwards, thus returning towards the past again, towards that day in Kruspe's room, where they had kissed for their first time... How much he wished he had chosen to let the younger student submit him in the beginning, without starting this shit with all these blackmails... He let himself thinking that Kruspe would maybe somehow repeat similar love scenes again during their lessons, without any force on his part, and thus he might have even started to like Paul with time, but these blackmails... They were just wrong. They just repulsed Kruspe, and therefore, when everything was done and Paul lost his control over his lover, the younger student slipped away and didn't contact him. At all. Student Landers didn't see him nor hear a sound of him anymore. He lost him, as if he was afraid he might have.

Opening the small metal gate with one hand and wiping off the tears with another, Paul Landers slowly entered the yard of his house. And just in the moment when he thought his memory of Richard's facial features had slowly started to fall into unmerciful darkness of oblivion, and the thinking of his entire fading appearance became too difficult to distinguish in the fog of the day-and-night longing and tears, he suddenly emerged before him, as if his thought itself invoked him. But still, Richard Kruspe was there, a real man from flesh and blood, right in front of him, walking up and down his yard as if he was waiting for him, and only for him.

Paul blinked, with mouth half opened in surprise. He froze in place, not being able to say a word, stunningly staring at his fellow student, his first love and lover in one. How long did it passed since they had seen each other for the last time? Two, three long and never-ending months? He was mesmerizingly looking at Richard's smile, his beautiful, oh so seductive smile... In that moment and circumstances a strong wish to taste his lips would have never come into his mind after so much time of separation, but still, this wish had never disappeared and then, before they could say anything to each other, their lips suddenly met into a passionate, lustful kiss; Paul's arms spreading and rising upward to take in a hug what once had belonged to him, with one hand grabbing strongly and desperately Kruspe's black hair, from wetted gel silky and slippery on his touch, with another one grasping strong muscles of shoulders and neck under the soaked layers of his clothes...