Broken (Oli Sykes FanFic)

Chapter 21

Oli's P.O.V

After I left the hospital, I went to a store and bought a fresh supply of alcohol, since I was running low back home. I took it back to my place and stored it in the fridge. I slumped onto the lounge and flicked through the channels on tv. Nothing was interesting me so I turned it off and sat there in the darkness.

I took out my phone and began re-reading old text messages between Jess and I. The last message I sent her sounded pretty harsh. I didn't mean to sound like a dick, but I was hurt. Hayley felt bad for pinning the blame on me and going off at me that night, I can tell. She never officially apologised but she didn't have to.

Once Jess was admitted to hospital and Hayley found out who I was to Jess, the look on her face was instant guilt. Her and Jess both tried telling me that it wasn't my fault. Even though I knew it was, it made me feel better knowing that neither one of them blamed me entirely; and that Jess still loves me.

But I guess I was wrong. Apparently Jess was only saying that to make me feel better. I feel so worthless and so stupid. I knew it was all my fault. I nearly killed her. Maybe I should just stay away from her and stop hurting her? But I can't. Not just because she's coming on tour. Not just because she's living with me afterwards but because I love her. And I couldn't spend too long away from her.

It'd kill me. It's already killing me right now just having her think I'm mad at her. She's probably blaming herself. Which I guess she should because it is her fault I'm feeling this way. Don't say that Oliver. It's not entirely Jess's fault, it's mine too. I'm just glad that we're going on tour. I don't know what I'd do if I had to spend 6 whole weeks away from her.

Hayley's P.O.V

All I could hear was Jess's quiet screams. I couldn't go to sleep because of all the haunting thoughts swimming around in my head. I got up to pour myself a glass of water and all I could hear from the game room was Jess tossing and turning and sleep talking. The game room didn't have a door, so I walked right in and sat down on the bed next to her.

"Jess?" I tried waking her up by poking her in the ribs. Nothing. "Jess?" I tried poking her in the stomach this time. Still nothing. I got a firm hold of her shoulders and gently shook her. "Jess?" I said a little louder. Her eyes snapped open and immediately filled with tears. I hugged her quickly and tried to silence her hysterical cries.

"Please no. I don't wanna go back there. Please." She sobbed. "Jess what's wrong?" I asked worried. "That hospital! I don't want to go back there! I spent two years of my life in there and let me tell you that it just makes everything worse!" She threw her hands up and then brought her knees up to her chest. I rubbed her back, trying to comfort her. There was nothing for me to say, I couldn't think of anything comforting at all that would help her in anyway.

"Everyone in there is fucking insane! And before I went in there I self harmed. But I could go days even weeks without doing it. But every single day I was in that hospital, all I wanted to do was tear open my skin. My dreams were haunted with bloody razors and bottles of pills and ropes." She continued on. I can understand why she was standing on that ledge, ready to jump. She's so broken and unhappy and I thought I had problems. I still don't know anything about her life, but just being at the hospital is enough for me to contemplate suicide, and I've never even been there!

"Hayley I hated it there. All I wanted to do was kill myself. I even had a set date and how I was going to do it because I had no one! No one cares about you in there! Even the nurses who are supposed to care, really don't. They're all rude bitches that are only doing their jobs! There was only one nurse that actually cared! One! I was going to end it all until Joanne had to go and ruin it by bringing me back home." She poured out. All that was going through my mind right now was how sad Jess is. And the fact that she's still here makes me think that she's the strongest person I know.

"Jess, you're so strong. A lot stronger than you believe, trust me. Everything will be okay, it will work out don't worry." I reassured her. If anyone had said this to me I'd probably punch them. I know it isn't very good advice and I didn't expect it to work for Jess, but I assume she saw that I was trying because she settled down. "Thanks.." She mumbled, wiping away stray tears from her eyes. "Go back to bed Hayley.. I'm sorry if I woke you." She said, laying back down. "You didn't. Goodnight." I smiled small and headed back to my room.

A/N: so great news guys! I've finally figured out how to put my book in chapters using a phone! so it should be easier for you guys to read, and I'm going back and editing a few things, but there aren't going to be any changes in the previous chapters, just spelling mistakes and stuff. Also, I'm going to put 2 - 3 POV's each chapter, maybe four if you're lucky! anyways, I hope you enjoy!!

~ Lola💕