Often // Attack On Titan

Chapter 6

'shock'

1. -a sudden upsetting or surprising event or experience.

-a feeling of disturbed surprise resulting from a sudden upsetting event.

"her death gave us all a terrible shock"

2. An acute medical condition associated with a fall in blood pressure, caused by such events as loss of blood, severe burns, allergic reaction, or sudden emotional stress, and marked by cold, pallid skin, irregular breathing, rapid pulse, and dilated pupils.

•Eren's Point Of View•

I didn't cry. I didn't shout, I didn't scream, I didn't sulk. I was shocked, that was the only way to describe it. I was shocked that everything had changed suddenly. I'm not a big fan of change, things are much simpler when they are the same. I was shocked that the decision would be made on his life. I was shocked that one moment he would be breathing and the next he wouldn't exist. I was shocked... At everything.

My throat was raspy when I raised my head and greeted him. I hadn't spoken for a few hours and my voice had gone a little bit hoarse. He opened the door without a word and we both sat down in the kitchen.

"So," Mr Alert said, looking down at his curled up hands. I did the same and repeated what he said. "He's getting worse." I looked up and saw him smile sadly - as if he could break down crying any second. The old man looked like his own health was deteriorating too, he was hanging off of his bones.

"Yeah..." I mumbled. I looked back down and thought of how he could be dying. Dying, alone, in a hospital bed. Alone - why was that word always present? His grandfather was alone, he was alone, and I was next in line.

"Do you think," I took a breath and swallowed. "Do you think he's going to die?"
I didn't look up from my hands, I didn't want to see his expression. I had only said what we were both wanting to ask, but it sounded so horrible.

"I don't know," Mr Arlert spoke quietly. My hands must have seemed pretty interesting at that moment. I clenched my hands into fists and looked up slowly.
"This was all my fault," I stated, looking him in the eye. His whole face relaxed with guilt and he shook his head. "Out of everybody, I should have been there for him," I continued. He shook his head once more and looked down.
"I'm his grandfather, Eren. His grandfather. It shouldn't have been up to you to keep him... safe." He sighed deeply and rubbed his face with his hands.

It was if we were fighting for the blame, trying to expel all of our guilt. My argument was that he chose me to be his friend and I completely fucked it up. Mr Arlert's was that he was simply family.

I tapped my fingers against the table and listened to the silence. The 'silence' consisted of: a tap dripping, Mr Arlert's heavy breathing, my heart thundering and drowning about very single bit of the quiet. And the washing machine.

"I'd better leave," I said, standing up and wincing as the chair shrieked against he tile.
"Yeah..." Mr Arlert said, standing up also. We exchanged goodbye's at the door and I departed with knowing that my time there was useless.

[...]

Connie sighed and looked at me warily. "Dude, you okay?"
I slumped against the table and slowly shook my head. Well, if there was any movement at all it would've been a shake. "Something happened," he said clearly. "And you won't tell me," he added, looking at me scoldingly. Did he expect me to tell him?
"I'd prefer to keep it private," I stated. I closed my eyes for a moment and heard Connie sigh again.
"You were getting better."
So was he.
"And now we've gone back to basics."
Well what a surprise.
"Eren Jaeger you better sort yourself the fuck out."
I lifted my head, partly in amusement, to see that he was completely serious. Connie Springer was being serious.
"I know," I said, propping myself up on my elbows as the teacher waltzed inside.
"Hello class!"

[...]

"Do you want a coffee?" I said, looking back at Connie who was sat on a table behind me. He nodded and tried to hand me money but I refused. The same barista that I saw daily was there today, her hair pulled into two ponytails. She smiled at me and took my order.

"Thanks," Connie muttered as I handed him the cup, careful not to spill the hot contents. I sat across from him and neither of us drank the coffee.
"Look, Eren..." he trailed off, while I took a sip from my cup.
"I think he's going to die," I said nonchalantly. I'd done most of my crying, there wasn't much emotion left to show. Connie looked at me, horrified and mouth open.
"What?"
I looked him straight in the eyes and said, "Armin is going to die."
He put his face in his hands and I swear if he had hair, he'd be tugging on it.
"Fuck! I just thought it was minor, I thought he'd wake up and prance around as if he was sleeping beauty! I thought you were overreacting for nothing. I'm so sorry Eren, I'm so, so-"
"Connie stop it," I said, sighing and running my fingers through my hair. I heard him sniff and noticed that he was crying. "Come on, do-"
"Will you take me to see him?"
The request took me aback a little bit, nobody had ever asked. I nodded and gulped down my drink.

[...]

Thanks for reading! Sorry that this chapter is a little bit short!