Cross

08 | Blowing Off Steam

"Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean."- Maya Angelou

               Chapter Eight

I couldn't have been more thrilled to hear the elevator ding and watch the doors open. Out came a small group of agents, all supporting a variety of looks ranging from shocked, confused, and disturbed. Despite the circumstances, I smiled and nudged Agent Lam as we entered the elevator.

"What?" she asked, chuckling as we watched them all disperse into different directions, lost and dismayed.

"I didn't know they were allowing the newbies go down there already," I said.

With the elevator doors closing us off to the rest of the headquarters, we spoke more freely amongst ourselves and left behind the remnants of that awkward conversations in the past – to be rediscovered another day.

"Yeah, I didn't know either until I came in earlier and saw them all going down in large groups," she said, her left hand in her black trousers' pocket.

"Whose brilliant idea was it, again?" I asked, feeling the urge to humor myself with arbitrary nonsense.

Perhaps, the jovial mood of the elevator would lift my dying spirits. Only God knew how badly I was in need of that.

She glanced at the floor numbers slowly ascending. This was shaping up to be the longest elevator ride, and we were only going up three flights. I understood then why it had taken so long earlier for the elevator to arrive for us.

"Apparently," she looked at me, her left eyebrow raised. "It was Agent Matthew's idea. Supposedly, he thought it would be better to immediately immerse them into the darker side of the FBI. You know, to weed out the unfit?"

I nodded, but my mood dampened noticeably. It was never a good idea to push people into confronting their demons, especially when they were coming into a new environment and the demons weren't even theirs. Agent Matthew was generally a wise man, who made sound and intelligent decisions, but this was one situation where I did not see eye to eye with him.

I made a mental note to have a word with him privately regarding this. Although the mental and emotional states of the new agents was not my responsibility nor my primary concern, I couldn't help but feel strongly about this. Besides, I needed a justifiable distraction from the heavy case assigned to me and this seemed as good as any.

"Finally!" she exclaimed, her hands thrown into the air in a fit of passion-filled relief.

I laughed at her theatrics, but quickly covered it up with an unconvincing cough when she flashed me a heated look. Apparently, I was not to laugh at her frustration and this, for some reason, made everything that much more stomach-achingly humorous.

We rushed forward, down the hall, made a right turn, and arrived at our destination quicker than someone could yell, "FREEZE!" This was largely due to the lack of agents crowding the space as the ground level lobby was packed-tight.

"They should bring some of the agents up here," I said, speaking my thoughts out loud. "It would really help with the congestion downstairs."

Agent Lam spared a moment to give me a "What are you talking about?" kind of look before she ultimately decided that there were more important matters to attend to and shrugged me off. With one hand stretched out, her stoic face prepped and ready, she opened the door to a room labeled, "Conference: Authorized Personnel Only," and walked inside with me following closely behind.

I felt like a toddler following her mother around the shopping mall. This wasn't the first time, nor would it be the last time, that I questioned my merits. In all honesty, had I been asked this question by Agent Hook or Agent Matthew, I would've undoubtedly said that any agent, especially Agent Lam and Agent Beta, were better equipped (mentally and physically) and possessed more leadership qualities than me.