Cross

09 | Moving On...

"Some pain has no relief, it can only be sealed

You can grasp the wound to feel the scar unhealed."

- Munia Khan

               Chapter Nine

I was not being fired. That's all I knew, and for once it wasn't even my primary concern. Not once while I was blowing off steam – which I didn't even realize I had inside of me! – did it cross my mind that I could've been, and should've been, dismissed from my job and rescinded of my FBI agent status. If anything, the burden on my back seemed to have lightened substantially. It was as if I had been waiting for this particular moment.

This was my moment to shine. My moment to release the frustrations that had been building up for the past six months – perhaps, even past four years – and which had finally come to its boiling point in the past twenty-four hours. I was absolutely, positively relieved.

Agent Maxwell, on the other hand, was a whole another story. Despite her visibly whitened face, she had managed to stand up from her seat and stand one step behind me. With Agent Lam on my other side, I felt almost invincible as all three of us stood up to an impenetrable force. It wasn't until the moment was over and the reality of the situation caught up to me that I felt the tremors coming off of her.

Newbies, I thought. They needed to toughen up.

As I came out of my train of thoughts, the spotlight landed on Agent Hook. The ball was now in his court.

In the few seconds it took him to gather his thoughts and formulate an appropriate response, I examined the possibilities. As I saw it, this could've gone down in two ways: he could call me out for breach of conduct and lay me off or he could fire back with some of his own toxicity as he had been doing before. Either way, I was armed and ready. All I had to do was wait.

He procrastinated in responded. One look at his face was suffice to tell me he was at a loss for words. His brain, no doubt sharp, had not been expecting such a radical response from me and now he seemed to be a crossroad.

I didn't mind the wait. Agent Maxwell's tremors, however, pushed me into the boundaries of irritation until I couldn't stand by patiently. It was now or never, and I needed to know.

He closed his eyes. It seemed as if this one movement had sucked out all of the oxygen in the room. All four of us were on the edge.

Gray eyes zoned in on me. "I...apologize Agent A."

He might as well had broken down in tears and begged for mercy judging by the way Agent Maxwell reacted. Her gasp was amplified in the otherwise sound-proof room. She might as well had witnessed a murder.

I wasn't sure if I was more annoyed at her naiveté or surprised at his apology.

"I'm sorry?" I asked. I had to pinch myself.

"No," he said, his jaw clenched. "I'm sorry."

"I don't want –"

"No, Agent A, please let me," he said, although his eyes betrayed his discomfort.

He placed his hands on the table, similar to my previous position, and looked down at his feet, his back bent. "Your reaction is understandable – justifiable even. We pressured you into taking this case so quickly after your last case, so the least we can do is be a little more understanding."

"Exactly," I said. "That's all that I want – for you to understand where I'm coming from."

He nodded. "Trust me, I am sympathetic of your situation, but you have to believe me when I say it, we put our faith in you because we believe in your potential. We know you can solve this case."