A Twist of Fate: A Grell x Sebastian Love Story.| (ON HOLD)

The Shinigami, Flashbacks (1)

Grell's P.O.V

He awoke to sound of vibrations echoing though the floorboards which over time rose and filled his ears like shrieks. Once again he cursed his ears for being so sensitive even if the same very ears had been the one to get him out of tough situations. He pulled his body up from a sea of pillows, letting the blanket's thin sheet fall off his shirtless top half as he rose. He didn't even have to look to the left to know that Sebastian was not in bed. His body ached and pained but he forced himself out of the bed and with inaudible steps he ventured forward.

He paused when he reached the small figure, huddled into a ball, it's back firmly pressed against the cold of the wall.  He watched as the body trembled with uneven breaths, it's head buried into the crook of his slender but inhumanly strong arms. "Darling?" Grell yawned as he extended his hand towards the mop of black hair, raking his fingers through it. At his touch, an arm came up, slapping him away. It was then Grell caught the glint of bright red blood trailing down from his wrist. Blood.

"Don't. Touch. Me. " He growled but there was no malice in his voice. He just sounded tired and worn. Weak. It pained Grell to see him like that but it pained him even more to see the effect of that the lost of the Phantomhive child had on him. He winced as he extended his hand out once, taking hold of the bloodied wrist and pulling the crumpled body to him.

Sebastian growled, a low, throaty sound as he was pulled towards Grell but he didn't bother to break away from the Shinigami's hold. He was too weak. He watched as those bright green eyes latch unto the deep wounds embedded in his wrists. The wounds that were already healing. Somehow, no matter how much he slashed and clawed at his wrists he still felt like he was drowning. He hurt. His chest hurt. He wanted the pain to stop. He wished he was stronger but most importantly he wished Grell wouldn't look at him with those eyes of his.

Normally his eyes portrayed all his emotions, every single one but recently whenever he looked at Grell he saw nothing. Maybe that's what he felt after looking at Sebastian. Nothing. Maybe he was disgusted with his current state. Maybe he was disgusted with his weakness. Maybe he was just plain disgusted with him as a person. At that thought he felt something cease at his chest. He looked away as Grell's hands slid in, under his jaw line. His fingers were cool to the touch and it made Sebastian flinch.

"Darling?" Grell called again. At some point in time he had knelt down on the floor, next to Sebastian.

"Don't call me that," Sebastian said, his voice raw as if he had been screaming for hours. Grell felt a sliver of irritation prick at his heart at his words. He turned away, his hands temporarily releasing his hold on Sebastian's.

"What should I call you then?" Grell said, his voice was cold and harsh. Bitter. "Or do you want me to give you an order so you can spit out those bloody words, 'Yes My Lord' ?" 

Sebastian's eyes widened at this and he snapped his head up to look at Grell whose eyes reflected pain before disappearing into a sea of black. He curled his fingers into a ball, grimacing as his fingers lengthened into claws and dug deep within his flesh. He watched as the blood slowly escaped from the gaps in his fist. "Shut up," he said through gritted teeth.

"It's been fifteen years." Grell said heatedly, his own fingers curling into fists. "He's been gone for fifteen years and look at you.  You're acting as if he died yesterday." There was a pause before he let out a bitter laugh. "Imagine how'd you be if there hadn't been the fire. If you hadn't chosen me. If you had devoured him instead. I'm sure you wouldn't be a wreck because he'd be a part of you right? I mean you'd always have him even if he wasn't here anymore...he's gone now. Probably forever. You won't ever see him again."

"Stop it." Sebastian hissed, his voice strained as he shook his head vigorously .

"I bet you wished it was me you'd left instead," Grell said finally. Once he did there was a heavy silence that hung in the air. He opened his lips to breathe but he couldn't. He felt at if he was stifling but he wasn't the only one.

"Shut up. Shut up!" Sebastian shouted, his voice hard and coarse as he slammed his fist against the wall. There was an audible sound as the crack rippled through the walls of the poorly plastered cement wall. Grell paused and turned his head towards Sebastian who was now hyperventilating.

"I-I I love you, I chose you," Sebastian gasped as he clutched the thin material of his t-shirt. His voice was small and tiny in comparison to his dominating demeanor. "Why don't you -" he shook his head, words caught up in his throat. He looked at his hands, swallowing hard before squinting his eyes closed. "I-"

His words were muffled as Grell pulled his shaking body into his own, wrapping his arms firmly around him. Sebastian gasped for air as he pressed the side of his head against the bare of Grell's chest, breathing hard. Grell shushed him softly, raking his fingers through his head silently.

"I love you," Sebastian said when he had calmed down. "But I loved him too." Grell's arms were now wrapped around his shoulders, his hand rubbing small circles into the small of his back as he breathed into him. He felt Grell's body tense at his words.

"I know."

"It hurts," Sebastian whispered, gripping his chest firmly.

"I know."

"I killed him," Sebastian's voice broke as he said this, tears spilling unto his cheeks. "I killed him. I'm a monster," he said

"Your not a monster, " Grell chastised him softly.

"I am. I -" 

Sebastian's words were muffled by the sound of Grell yanking his face up to look up at him and pressing his lips towards Sebastian's . There was a silence as they kissed, Grell's fingers  holding the side of his face and the small of his back.

"You're  not a monster." Grell said when they had pulled away. "I did not fall in love with a monster but a beautiful, stubborn, sometimes arrogant, strong willed man. You're not a monster."