"Ouch! I can't get this stupid dance right."
I fell to the floor.
I've been practicing for so many hours and I have no idea why I'm so dedicated to getting better at this. I don't even know why I'm so interested in it. Maybe I should go to sleep and try again in the morning. No! What if I forget it!
I don't know what to do anymore. I laid on the floor for a couple of minutes wondering what am I getting so angry for? I sat up and looked across the room. I never clean my room. I dance most of the time and pay no attention to it. Maybe I should clean it, no that's way to much work. Maybe I should lay in my dirty bed and fall asleep happily, yes.
I got up and walked towards my bed, which was in the corner of my room, screaming for me to clean it. I always scream back at it "NO" but I scream back in my head because everyone would start worrying about me. Which they already do because I'm always in my room and my parents tell me they hear loud thumps and hard breathing.
Maybe that's why my parents always look at me funny in the morning when my hair looks like a birds nest. One time they even asked me if I had a "special someone", which I don't. I'm only 14. Sometimes I worry about my parents because at night I hear them in the other room. I usually hear weird noises, like moans? I don't know. It seems like their practicing or trying to compete with someone.
I hurled myself on my bed because I'm angry with myself, because this stupid dance is stupidly complicated.
I'm learning Stuck by Monsta X. Yes, it's K-Pop and no, I'm not ashamed that I'm a K-Pop dancer. Everyone at my school thinks I'm "weird" because I'm interested in South Korea. And everyone thinks I'm talking about North Korea and it's so annoying that they think that. Use your common sense people, we all know we can't go there.
I try my best to improve my dancing everyday. I wish to be a Dancer in South Korea, but I know it's going to be very difficult to be one, unless I'm extremely good.
The reason why I say it's going to be extremely hard is because I'm black, or mixed. My mom is black and my dad is white. They fell in love when they were young, and didn't kiss after 4 years of knowing each other.
They always tell me to save myself for my future husband and I'm try my best.
We live in Salt Lake City, Utah and it's extremely boring and dangerous here. We live in a freaking desert, it's so hot here and there's no beach; it doesn't make sense.
It also seems like everyone should be more accepting here, because it's in the west, but no one really likes me at school. When people usually speak to me, I freeze and don't know what to say, and people think I'm trying to be rude. I'm terrible at communicating, and people think I'm weird for that, and it's had a huge effect on me.
I'm sort of in this depression and only dancing gets me to forget about it.
That's why I want to be a K-Pop dancer so bad, because I internally love it. I'm still working very hard to be one, but I still have no idea how to get there.
I stare at my ceiling wondering. I don't know what I'm wondering about, but I'm wondering. Sometimes I wish my skin color was like my dad's and not my mom's. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom so much, but why do I have to look so much like her? My mom has light brown skin like caramel; my dad, you know what he looks like. He's half white and half Korean. Yes, half Korean, what a coincidence.
I'm extremely tired. What time is it? I turned my head and looked to the left and glanced at my digital clock, 12:06. Damn, it's extremely late, I better get to sleep.
