Remind Me...

Chapter 6 - Heartache and choices

Sasha was currently parading in my bedroom and around the house in nothing but his silk boxers after spending the past few nights in our guest bedroom.  He'd stepped off the ship after his contract finished on the same day that I arrived back home to attend to my mother.  Being the best friend that he was, he came straight here and demanded to help me out.

So I let him make decisions for me and take care of the running of the house, even though his lack of morning attire left nothing to the imagination.  Though my bestie was gay, he was still something to look at and always took pride in keeping his body trim and his hair clean.

Picking a fight with overly loud and dramatic Sasha because he was bossing me around again was just not very high on my "things to do to pass the time" list right now.  I was so happy to have him home again.  Sasha took it upon himself to take care of me while I took care of little David and for that I would be eternally grateful.

David.  My poor little brother was not doing well.  He had nightmares and wet his bed, clinging to me like a monkey during the day and not speaking or eating much.  We went to visit my mother every day and I could see how broken the little guy was.  He was still so small and needed his mother!  I didn't know what to do or say to comfort him, so I'd taken to just sitting on my bed and holding him a lot, stroking his hair and singing him our mother's favorite song which she used to sing to us.  Sometimes he fell asleep on my lap, so I would just cuddle him close en let him sleep with me.  On those nights there were no waterworks or nightmares, so he must have felt safer. 

If it helped David cope, I'd let him sleep in my bed for as long as he needed to.

My mother was not showing any signs of recovery yet.  I'd found out from the doctors that my suspicions were correct and that she'd been diagnosed with ovarian cancer last month.  She'd not been taking care of herself after her husband's death, too wrapped up in her grief and only focusing on David, that she ignored the pains in her abdomen, constant fatigue and weight loss until it was too late.  A part of me was angry with her for this, because she knew we had the risk of the illness in the family, yet she did not go for regular check-ups like I did.  The doctors were going to try surgery to remove what they could, followed by chemotherapy, but she was so weak that they were worried she might not make it through the treatment. 

I was still too stunned at the prospect of losing my mother to be able to cry about the situation.  So instead I let Sasha care for me, while I clung to David and he to me, spending every moment I could with my mom. 

"Lilly girl, you need to eat something and then go take a shower," Sasha's voice invaded my solemn thoughts as he set a cup of hot coffee down on my nightstand.  "You need to take care of yourself, keep your strength up, for your mom's sake.  She needs you now.  Davie will also be up soon and you know he'll take all of your attention then."

He was right. I knew this, yet somehow I just could not get myself to move out of my bed, detangle David's little sleeping body from mine and make a move to the bathroom. 

On top of worrying about my mother, I missed Daniel so much that my heart was aching every day that we were separated.  We'd spoken on the phone the night before and I almost broke down and cried my heart out at the sound of his beautiful voice, but since David was already lying on my lap, I was too afraid of causing the little guy distress if I did.

"It's going to be ok, Lilly-pad," Daniel had assured me over the phone, hearing the sadness in my voice when I told him my fears.  "You are a strong person.  You can handle this.  And remember that I love you and that I'll be here if you need me."

His words comforted me and kept me going again as we talked a bit about everyone back in Prince Albert.  I didn't think to tell him that Sasha had taken up residence in my guest room and that he was caring for me.  It hadn't come up in conversation last night, but I reminded myself to tell Daniel about Sasha the next time we spoke.