Insanity Stains Red

thirteen

I was woken in the middle of the night by a Rose in hysterics. I sat up and grasped her hands to my chest as she knelt by my bedside, looking at her tear-stained face. She was crying so hard that it was all she could do to hiccup pleadingly at me, unable to form words on what was bothering her. I made soothing noises and smoothed the hair back from her face, sliding off the bed to hug her to me. “What is it Rosie, what’s wrong?” I crooned, needing her to calm down so that she could tell me what the fuck had happened while I had been out.

I knew that something had gone wrong – aside from the tears, because that was nothing new in this place, though I had admittedly never seen my friend quite this upset. But what really spoke volumes was the fact that it was the middle of the night, and she had come to me in my room. Rose was supposed to be locked in the room with the other girls at night, or under the supervision of one of the men the whole time. There was no logical reason for her to be here, and so I could not figure out how it was possible; our security was usually better than this.

She mumbled something to me, and I froze, sure I hadn’t heard her right. “What’s that?” I asked cautiously, not sure I wanted her to repeat it and hoping that I had heard her wrong.

“I said, I’m pregnant, Eva.” Yeah, that was what I thought she said. I cursed. It happened of course, considering no one took precautions against that fact in this place, but it was never pretty. The men here had no want for offspring – my situation being unique of course, and so when they found one of the girls pregnant, well. They made sure she didn’t stay that way for long. It was usually better that I get to them first, so that I could help them deal with the problem – there was a higher chance for survival that way, though it wasn’t exact; there was no doctor down here who could help us.

But that didn’t explain how Rose was here. Even if she was pregnant, she wasn’t showing any signs of it physically, and I highly doubted she had told anyone else – even if she had, they wouldn’t have sent her to me. “What are you doing here?” I made my words more forceful now, though still kind. Something wasn’t right, and I didn’t like where this conversation was heading.

“I can’t do it anymore Eva, I just can’t. I’m going to die in this place – you know that as well as I. But I want it to be my choice when. They’ve taken everything else away from me; this is the only thing left that I can have any control over. I ran from them today – while you were out. I ran, and I hid where they couldn’t find me, and when they all fell asleep, I came to you. I’m asking you – begging you one last time to please help me. Get me out of here, or I will do it the only way I know how. I love you, Eva, you’re so good to us, but I can’t stay here any longer, I’m sorry.”

I stilled at her words, the dread building inside me with every second that passed. No! I couldn’t lose Rose, this wasn’t happening. I shook my head violently, causing her to give a painful sob. She thought I was saying no – I was though, wasn’t I? I just couldn’t let her walk out of here. I needed her. ‘Face it Red, she said it herself – you’re going to lose her either way. Wouldn’t you rather know that she’s out there safe, than dead? If you say no to her, it might as well be our hands that do the work.’

But if I did what she wanted and got her out of here, it would be all over, for all of us. She’d go to the cops and tell them everything, and then nothing would ever be the same again. I don’t know what would happen to me – I’d probably spend the rest of my life in jail. ‘Then the only question left to ask yourself is – is it worth it? Is her life worth more than the little freedom you have in yours – is her happiness?’

I stared at the girl that slumped, crumpled and defeated in my arms and considered it. There was a time when such a question wouldn’t have even caused me to hesitate, but then Rosaline had been thrown into my life. She’d taught me to feel things I’d never thought possible, and showed me with that patient way of hers that there was more to life than what I had. Now I couldn’t imagine ever losing her – when I thought about her dying, my heart wrenched painfully. And so I made my decision, one I knew would change everything I’d ever known.

I lifted her chin so that her watery eyes could focus on my face, then I bent my head and laid a gentle kiss on her forehead. “Okay Rosie, I’ll take you out of here.”