Insanity Stains Red

fourteen

She looked up at me with hope in her eyes. Her voice, when she spoke, was soft and uncertain. “You will?” I nodded, and she began to tear up all over again. I touched a finger to her lips to halt her gratitude. This wasn’t something we could rush into.

“But not tonight; you’ll have to give me enough time to do this right.”

“How long will it take?”

I considered her question carefully; knowing that if I tried to make her wait too long, she may decide to just take matters into her own hands instead. “Two days” I told her, and watched as she nodded her agreement. Apparently she could wait that long. I looked away from her then, not being able to meet her honest gaze. I was filled with guilt – I was about to betray my father; everything was about to come tumbling down. If I survived this – if any of us survived the next week, my father would never talk to me again.

I sighed and climbed back into bed, gesturing for Rose to curl up beside me. “Get some rest, Rosie. It’s too late to be thinking about such things.” She snuggled into my side and drifted off almost instantly. It must be nice to have peace of mind in this place. I lay staring at my ceiling for a long time after that.

The next day at school came, and with it something that successfully distracted me from my troubled thoughts. As I walked through the gates, I had a strange feeling that everyone was watching me. There was certainly an increase of whispers as I walked by, and I could feel the student’s eyes boring holes into my back. But I didn’t know why. I tried to think of something I might have done to draw such unwanted attention, but I knew I’d been careful. This couldn’t be about Mr Jenkins – nor the guy I killed last week, so what was going on?

And then I saw the posters. They were scattered at first, just one here and there on the trees, and then the occasional one on the wall as I moved into the actual school building itself. But then I moved further down the halls, and they became more frequent, and I actually started to take notice of them, and realised they weren’t just your usual insignificant fliers. I marched up to one and ripped it off the wall, staring at it; my anger slowly building.

I couldn’t believe it. This was the sort of shit I didn’t need right now. I screwed the offending paper into the smallest ball I could manage, and chucked it into the bin, storming down the hall determinedly. The thing about having your cliques in school is that when you always hang out in the same places, you’re rather easy to find.

My shadow fell across the group as they sat on the benches, chatting merrily, and Shawn looked up at the disturbance, smiling when he saw it was me. “Well hello there Everlyn, nice of you to drop on by.” His friends sniggered, hiding their mouths behind their hands. I said nothing, just stared at Shawn, until the smug look faded from his face and he began to look uncertain. Sometimes, silence is the best revenge of all. When I had the undivided attention of the whole group, I gave them my nastiest smile, paired with empty eyes, and turned and walked away. The silence lingered behind me.

I went back the way I came, trailing my hand along one wall and ripping down each poster that met my fingers, leaving them scrunched on the floor. Shawn had tried to make me a fool, posting his conquest for all to see and hoping to boost his reputation while he was at it. SLUT! The posters seemed to scream. Apparently, you weren’t supposed to have sex on the first date. The amazing thing was, I wasn’t all that upset – more amused than anything. Sure, I was angry. But that was mostly because Shawn had drawn attention to me, when I was so used to walking in the shadows – I needed to stay in the shadows.

But now, if I was really going to follow through on my promise to Rose, even that didn’t matter anymore. I wasn’t ashamed of what I had done – I saw absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Shawn could have his laughs, if it made him feel like a big man. He’d get his, in time. After all, I could play the waiting game. Just because his actions didn’t bother me, didn’t mean I’d let him get away with it – I didn’t like being a part of people’s twisted little games. And using people was one of the things I hated most. Yes, Shawn Miller would regret this day.