Displacement // Shawn Mendes

Two: The Master of Puppetry

One Week Later

The days seemed like years, passing by so painfully slow, and still, I couldn't seem to get her out of my mind. There were so many questions I had, so many of them left unanswered. How could those two years have disappeared so quickly for her? How could all of her feelings for me have vanished in merely a few days? Things like this ran through my mind on a daily basis like a broken record. Every single hour felt prolonged, and there was not a second that passed in which she wasn't on my mind. She was still everything to me, even though we were nothing.

I was still in bed, despite the fact it was 2:30 in the afternoon, and everyone had already eaten breakfast. Not like I wanted any, though.

The sound of my doorknob twisting could be heard from the corner of my room, but I didn't turn away from the wall. I didn't need to turn to know who it was, because it obviously couldn't have been Camryn. And although a sliver of me still hoped that she would show up at my doorstep telling me how truly sorry she was and how much she loved me, more parts knew those days were long gone.

"Are you okay?" Mom asked in the same tone she'd been asking in for the past few days, all around this hour. She wanted to make sure I wasn't dead; which, considering the circumstances, doesn't sound like too bad of an option right now.

"Mom, I'm fine." I said, still scrolling through my phone. I felt the weight on my bed shift as she sat at the edge of it, trying her best not to look at the pigsty I called my room. Usually, it wasn't this messy; and I could tell she was fighting every mom-instinct she had to not scream at me for my socks being on the floor, or the collection of both empty and half empty bottles of water all along my dresser.

"I haven't heard you play in awhile," I could hear the sappiness hidden in her voice, and I sat up in my bed. "I miss hearing you, you know."

I sighed heavily, staring at the piano she was fixated on. I could remember all the ballads I'd written on there, all the songs I made for her.

"I know, I'm sorry." I said quietly, trying my very best to hide the pain in my voice. She turned away from the piano to look at me and give me a small smile, before patting my knee and exiting the room. I sighed and threw myself back down onto my bed, staring at the wall above me as I unwillingly remembered the memories I made with Cam; as we both lay staring at the ceiling, talking about nothing and everything all at the same time. When things were simpler, and I felt as if I had some sort of control over what was happening in my life. Now, I've lost every last bit of control I thought I had. Now, she's the puppet master and I'm only a pawn in this game I call heartbreak.

-

My alarm rang loudly, causing my heart to nearly leap out of its rib cage. I groaned, before throwing my hand somewhere over my phone; hoping to press the correct button and stop the stupid sound blaring from it's speakers. It took nearly all of the force I had to pull myself out of bed, just like it had for the past week. The fact that it was Monday didn't make my situation any better.

Somehow, I managed to get out of my house fully prepared, with a fair amount of spare time on my hands.

Interacting with anyone was still too much of a burden on me, so I decided to walk. It gave me time to sort my thoughts out, which I currently had way too much of at the moment; and would get me to school right as the bell rings, avoiding any loitering interactions.

I still couldn't seem to understand why she left me, or what I had been doing wrong. More importantly, what had Samuel given her that I hadn't? I loved her more than I have ever loved anyone; and in a single heartbeat, I would give everything I have just to get one more minute with her. A minute consisting of the way we were, when she would tell me she loved me as she lay her head on my chest. When I'd spend countless hours just running my hands through her long, light brown hair as she slept. Anything. Anything to replace this hole she left inside me.

-

She passed me in the hallways several times, no matter how many times I changed my routes to my classes she was always there. Even if it wasn't really her, there always remained something that reminded me of her, and I seemed to walk past an endless amount of girls who looked too much like her. Who had the same hair, or that same tan wool cardigan she wore almost every single day during the fall of sophomore year.

I trudged my way into my eighth period class, which unfortunately had to be chemistry, and to add on top of that, had to be one of the few classes I shared with Camryn.

I tossed my black Jansport backpack over the back of my chair and put my head down on the wooden desk, casually wondering how many times my head would have to make contact with it in order for me to get amnesia. The familiar sound of the tardy bell rang throughout the classroom as I counted each person who entered the room, until she did.

Time seemed to stop right there and then, as if giving me the chance to preserve her one last time in my memory before she was gone again. Her hair was pin straight, and she wore a simple white top with light blue jeans. She was so simple, yet to me, she was the most beautiful person in the room.

She turned to face me, but I looked down and pretended to be focused on the tapping of my pencil against the desk. There she was, tugging endlessly at my broken heart strings, eliciting so many feelings and memories that I'd so desperately wanted to forget about.

She controlled me without knowing, without even lifting a single finger. Her walking into a room was enough to make my mind go wild, and my heart to race, later making me feel like I had just run a 24-mile marathon. But never again could I let her know. Never again can I let her have that satisfaction.

The bell rang loudly throughout the chemistry class, and students were still shuffling in as quickly as they could to prevent from being counted as tardy.

"So, class, welcome back," Mrs. Alderman said, facing away from the century old white board and leaning forward over her desk. "Now, the state has required me to give you an exam-" The whole class could be heard simultaneously groaning, but to me everything she was saying turned into pure gibberish. I couldn't focus. I couldn't focus on anything but her, and I absolutely hated myself for that.

"But," she continued, "exams are too much work to grade, obviously; and I'm willing to assign you all two projects in which you will not work on alone." Mrs. Alderman's laziness always worked quite well accompanied with the rest of our lack of motivation. Almost immediately, everyone in the class turned to people across the room as well as beside them, plotting out their groups ahead of time.

"But," Mrs. Alderman said abruptly, "I will be choosing the groups." Once again the class groaned and I couldn't help but give a light chuckle toward their behavior.

"First group," she said, grabbing her clipboard from the desk along with her glasses, before placing the frames over her nose. "Caitlin, Ava, Miguel, and Mark. Second group: Samantha, Maylan, Faith, and Ronnie." She continued, but all I did was tap my pencil against the desk; blocking out everything around me.

Which, not to brag, I'd gotten very good at.

"Shawn," she finally said, which caused me to snap out of my pencil-tapping state of oblivion. I looked around the classroom to realize Camryn still hadn't been placed in a group, and there was one half of me that prayed I wouldn't get her in mine. The other half, though, prayed to be near her again once more; just long enough to hear the laugh I fell in love with.

"Camryn," of course. I'm kind of known for the universe never being in my favor, now. I sighed, slouching down in my desk as she continued. "Oliver, and Rey."

I shuffled over to the lab table we were assigned and took the seat next to Oliver and across from Rey; trying to get the farthest I could from Camryn. Mrs. Alderman continued to mutter some incoherent words as Camryn's aroma of perfume floated over to me. A rush of memories came back all in the second I smelled the familiar scent of her perfume. There she was again, controlling me without moving a muscle. Tugging at the broken strings of my heart the way I tugged at the guitar she hated so much.

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