Displacement // Shawn Mendes

Three: Lost

The awkwardness engulfed the four of us suffocatingly, neither of us saying a word, avoiding each other's stares. I tried to find interest in the tapping of my pencil against the desk; and I could see Camryn from the corner of my eye, avoiding any chance of glancing in my direction. Our other group members, Rey and Oliver, seemed to send never ending glances at each other, proving that the silence had been uncomfortable for them as well.

It wasn't a secret that Camryn and I were in a relationship– almost everybody in the school knew. Now, it wasn't a secret that Camryn and I weren't together, but there was still a slight mystery left as to why. Hell, I still didn't even know why.

"So," Rey began; dragging out the syllable of the word. Her voice was enough to make Camryn turn away from the window, and face her. Rey waited for anyone to say anything, then shrugged when no one had said anything, looking down and tapping her nails against the black surface of the lab table. From the corner of my eye I could see Oliver with his cellphone on his lap with his headphones plugged in. He was oblivious to what was happening around him, and for a moment I envied him.

I envied the fact he could get so lost into music, just like I used to— until the letter. Until I was told that my love for music was affecting Camryn's love for me, that loving it was the reason my heart was shattered into millions of pieces. I wanted to love both of them– after all, she was the one who made me want to write songs and displace the feelings she caused me to feel into music.

I despised any instrument I came across after that. My piano was beginning to gather a light coat of dust, and I hid my guitar away into the depths of my closet; never wanting to see anything that triggered any lasting thought of her. She'd caused me to hate music, to the extent where I couldn't listen to any of my favorite songs without feeling on the verge of tears. She was my muse, and I was entirely lost without her.

—

As usual, I spent my afternoon inside my bedroom; only leaving to get the occasional chocolate chip muffin from the pantry. I was on my way to get my third one, when Aaliyah stopped me in the middle of my route. She had her arms crossed and a stern look on her face and I sighed heavily, wanting to get her scold out of the way. I brushed past her and headed for the pantry door, when she said something that made me stop dead in my tracks.

"Camryn came over today."

I whipped my head around almost as soon as the last word left her mouth, and I inched slowly toward her. Her arms were still crossed, the look on her face never faltering; even though she knew that she'd pissed me off.

"Aaliyah," I said softly, clenching my jaw to prevent myself from bursting into a fit of screams and curses. "What did you do?" I said the words slowly and enunciated each one unintentionally, afraid a certain word might slip through my lips and I'd never be forgiven.

She blinked and looked up at me, sighing. "She wanted to talk to you."

I could feel my heart race, but not from the anger she evoked from me. The thought of Camryn simply making her way over here after breaking my heart— it had to mean she still loved me, right? Of course the distances weren't so drastic between our two homes, but she'd still made her way over here to talk to me. To possibly tell me she was in love with me as much as I was— and still am— with her. The slight chance that Aaliyah ruined that for me made me nervous and angry, but I was fighting every urge I had to tackle her.

"And," I cleared my throat, "what did– what did she tell you?"

She uncrossed her arms and shrugged, heading toward the kitchen behind me. "I dunno. She didn't get to say much, because I slammed the door in her face."

"What?" I was beginning to raise my voice unintentionally, causing Aaliyah to slightly flinch in her seat. "You're telling me that the love of my life was out there, possibly trying to make everything better from the shit that has been happening, and-"

"No! No! That's exactly it, Shawn. Everything has turned to shit, all because of her and you're still calling her the love of your life?" My eyes widened immediately as I shut my mouth, fearing her sudden burst of anger. I opened my mouth to protest against her words, but she barely let me take a breath before continuing. The curse word that elicited from her mouth fazed me the least. It was her anger that caused such a word to slip out, especially at her age.

"She took everything from you. Every. Single. Thing. I don't know if you notice, but mom and I do. We have to stand here and watch you be this way— watch you be so completely lost all because of her. And now she wants to come into our house and lie to you again? Break your heart again? You might be able to endure that. But I can't. Mom can't." She stood from the stool and grabbed a water bottle from inside the fridge located behind me. As I heard her footsteps fall behind me, I felt her turn to face me once again.

"You know, maybe it's for the best this happened. I'm tired of losing you because of her."

And with that, she left. On the other hand, I continued to stand there leaning against the metal surface of the fridge, completely speechless and oblivious to everything that had happened around me, unaware of everyone I hurt. I'd been so involved in all of my emotions and sorrow, that I never knew there was still people who loved me for who I was; people that I loved.

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