Displacement // Shawn Mendes

Seven: Questions Left Unanswered

The sound of my ear-piercing alarm rang out through my entire room, the sunlight seeping in through the tiny cracks of my closed shutters. There was no need for an alarm; I had already been awake since three in the morning. With barely four hours of sleep, I hazily made my way to my bathroom. Now, everyone knows showers are for deep thoughts on the universe and imagining certain events in your life that had a slim to none chance of ever happening, but my shower session was different this time. I couldn't seem to get that one image of Rey's face out of my mind. She was so heartbroken, and I imagined that her expression was what I looked like when Camryn first broke my heart. I never believed I could've had that kind of an impact on somebody with only my words, and I began to grow more disappointed in myself with every passing minute.

I arrived at school with a Starbucks coffee in my hand, (yes, maybe the only time you will ever see me, Shawn Mendes, with a Starbucks coffee). November had only just begun, but in Canada, the cold has no mercy. I wore two more layers of clothing beneath my Vans hoodie, knowing very well that the heater in our school magically broke whenever got too cold. I'm willing to bet that the real reason it "broke" was because of budget cuts, but that's just me.

I trudged my way to my first period class, shoving my hands inside my pockets as I shivered uncontrollably. I took a sip of the coffee that was now one-fourth of its original temperature, because even 102 degree coffee froze in temperatures like this.

Choir should have been my favorite class, considering the fact that singing was the only thing I actually enjoyed doing, but as I stood on the third bar of our faded choir risers in the age-old room that now smelled too much like wooden pencil sharpenings and janitorial supplies, I hated it with every fiber of my being. I would once walk in to this room with white walls decorated with posters of the best fine arts universities hung all over the room,  and feel like I knew this is what was meant for me. That the glossy ebony Baldwin piano in front of the chalkboard with white chalk smudges all over it was made for me. It was old, yet its sound was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard in my entire life. Nothing compared to my wannabe electric keyboard, but it had to do for now. Because I just knew that one day, I would be sitting behind that same piano, on the Madison Square Garden stage,  in front of millions of people who I've touched with my music.

But now, that dream was so out of reach; farther than it had ever been. I couldn't even gather the ambition to pursue it again. It was gone.

"Who knew Shawn Mendes had an inner white girl?" Riley Jacobs, my friend since grade school, said as he ran up to me. He was motioning to the now cold cup of coffee I held in my hand. I took a sip of the black liquid, cringing as the taste of pure coffee beans slipped through my lips. Feeling more awake now than I originally was, I threw my cup and its contents inside a wastebasket nearby, then proceeding to do our signature "handshake" which, really just considered of a side high-five and a bro hug.

"You're not looking so good. Is it-" I laughed cutting him off as we turned the corner.

"No, it's not Camryn. Don't worry about me bro. Just didn't get any sleep."

"Why not? You know, she was a prime reason on why you used to be awake at four in the morning bawling your eyes out." I winced at the mention of how hurt she left me not even two weeks ago.

"Thanks for the reminder," I said sarcastically, "But, no, it's not her. Just some stuff I said to a friend that I couldn't stop thinking about."

"Which friend?" Riley always pressed into my business. It was incredibly annoying, but in a way I appreciated it. Even though I said I didn't want to talk about it, he pushed until I vented out all my feelings. When I choked during my choir solo in seventh grade, I played it off like it was perfectly fine. But, Riley knew better. He pressed at me until I told him that forgetting the words in front of dozens of people was the most disappointment I had ever felt in myself in my entire life. He then managed to score me a solo in eighth grade, which I practiced for three nights straight until it was perfect. I never could quite repay him for that gesture, because it was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me; but knowing Riley Jacobs, he didn't need anyone to pay him back- seeing people happy was all the thanks he could receive.

"Just, uhm, this girl named Rey." I figured he wouldn't know who she was; she mostly kept to herself throughout the entire year, including the other classes I had for her.

"Alvarez?" He asked, and I looked at him surprisingly.

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

"I had her for English II during sophomore year. She was a freshman at the time, and she was kind of cool I guess. I sat next to her for the first semester. Then she just... got kinda weird?" He said the last sentence in a questioning tone, not sure if "weird" was the proper word to describe her. I tilted my head. Weird? Freshman? I mean, she was pretty quiet, but never weird.

"Weird how?" I asked, so intrigued by this information that I walked past my class, deciding to walk Riley to his in order to finish hearing what he had to say. We noticed we were nearing D211, which happened to be Riley's class. He summed everything up as quickly as he could.

"Well, she was pretty cool throughout the first couple of months but, when we came back from Christmas break, she came to school for like three or four days then missed around five weeks. Everyone thought she transferred, but her name was still on the roster," I could tell he saw how desperately I wanted to hear what he had to say, so we both stood at the doorway of his Economics classroom.

"So anyway, long story short, she came back in early March, but she was really different. People tried to make conversation with her, but she just smiled and acted really dry with them. She tried acting normal, but you could tell she wasn't, so everyone just gave up trying to talk to her in general. So, after a while, she-"

"Mr. Jacobs, you can talk after school. You should know there's no loitering inside or outside my classroom." We both turned our heads to Coach Abrams, the football coach of our varsity team. He was nearly six-foot-seven, sporting gym shorts and a collared t-shirt literally all the time. There were even rumors that he showered in his gym clothes and whistle. Of course, he also had a deep and loud voice that he used to scream at the players across the field; so, to avoid bleeding eardrums, no one ever bothered arguing with him or giving him any form of attitude. I wanted to roll my eyes and have Riley keep on talking, but by the look Abrams was giving me, I stayed quiet.

"Sorry, dude. Catch up with you next time." Riley gave me a small smile with a pat on the back, as he walked into his classroom and shut the door behind him. I, on the other hand, was left outside in the hallway, dumbfounded. If Coach would have just let him finish, my questions would have been answered. I had seen Rey since last year, when I was a sophomore and apparently, she was a freshman. I thought back to Financial Literacy and Professional Communications, the only two classes I had with her. I could slightly remember her voice, and the change in tones from last year to now. I never truly noticed her until Ms. Alderman put us both in the same group. It explained some of her behavior, but there were still so many things I needed to know but didn't get the chance to.

Mysteries aren't as fun as they're made out to be.

⊷

Okayy, kinda proud of this wow that's a first! Buuuttt anyway, like my good friend once said, "it doesn't take a lot of effort to press one button guys!" andddd maybe a few extra buttons if you don't mind leaving a comment, eh? ;) Okay sorry. But, you can follow her at issalives and read the DC story we've published together named "Corrupted Innocence"! Her writing is super good, so you can look forward to some great books ;)

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Thank you so much for reading omg 100 reads! I'm so shook thank you guys!