Umbilicus: An autobiographical novel

MARY'S STORY

YOU'VE ONLY EVER BEEN on domestic flights. Two hours max. But this flight is long. Eleven hours in cattle class. Absolute torture for a five foot nine claustrophobe with long legs, the discomfort factor exacerbated by wave upon wave of motion sickness, and you just want the nightmare to end. You keep reminding yourself of the beautiful winter wonderland which awaits, the start of a brand spanking new chapter in your life. Sometime after midnight, while everyone around you sleeps, you pull out Mom's letter and begin to read.

30th January 1996

My darling daughter

After reading that beautiful scrapbook which Beth so lovingly put together for you, I realise I've been meaning to put my own thoughts onto paper for a long, long time. And I have a few confessions of my own. Below are my own recollections of how everything unfolded, and how they related to what was going on in your life or Beth's life at the time.

When Dad and I found out we couldn't have children of our own, we put our names down as prospective parents on the waiting list with Durban Child Welfare which facilitated closed adoptions. Dad knew Prof Winston, who was on the board at Child Welfare, and head of Paediatrics at Addington. We had no idea how long it would take for a baby to become available. Back in those days they didn't do transracial adoptions, so it was a given that we wanted a White baby, someone who could pass as our own. We said we had no preference for a boy or a girl, as long as he or she was healthy.

Before we got you, things weren't easy. Most of my friends were falling pregnant and every kitchen tea or baby shower there were the questions, I think mainly from the older generation: 'When are you having children?' And: 'Don't wait too long!'

Lynne is my oldest friend — since we were three years old, she's been like a sister to me. When she fell pregnant, I was very happy for her.

When she went into labour, Gran and Granddad were staying with us. We got the call from Jack (Lynne's husband), with the doubly exciting news she had just given birth to twins, which was a total surprise to everyone!

I really wanted to see her and meet the babies, so Gran and Granddad agreed to take Tess (Lynne's sister-in-law) and me to Kokstad that Friday. We would spend time at the hospital with Lynne and sleep at the farm, and Willie (Tess's husband) would fetch us on the Sunday.

Tess and I visited Lynne each day, and walked around Kokstad when she needed a rest. It was a time of such mixed emotions. I was so enormously happy for my greatest friend, but so full of anger and rage at fate, which had to be kept locked inside me while I smiled and chatted and joked. Tess and I were wondering around the little town and I was feeling so down. Lynne and I were supposed to be having our children together and bringing them up at the same time.

God moves in mysterious ways . . . It was Sunday 18th August, the day that you were born!

Three weeks later, on Monday 9th September, I was due at the Blue Waters Hotel as I was assisting at an international Town Planning conference. We only had one car at the time as we had just traded in my Mini 850 and our new Mini 1000 hadn't arrived yet. It was all a bit frantic that morning as Ouma and Oupa had spent the weekend with us and were packing to leave. (They had been due to visit us the previous weekend but car problems had forced them to postpone the trip.) Then the phone rang and our lives changed forever. It was a call from Child Welfare to tell us we had a daughter! They asked us to visit the offices later that morning to get all the details. There was so much excitement as I put down the phone and we all hugged each other. Of course Ouma and Oupa's plans to leave were cancelled to stay on and help us and get to know their new granddaughter.