Dear One Direction,
I feel like now is the appropriate time to say thank you, for everything. You boys will truly never understand how much you mean to me, and how much you've done for me. Though I have my doubts this will reach you, I still have a need to write out the current emotions flooding through me. I honestly don't even know where to begin. Here I am sitting in my bed, writing this letter, and crying because you guys have given me everything I could've ever asked for. Because of you, I have the most loving, caring, extraordinary, best friend imaginable. It sounds ridiculous, but honestly it's all I've ever wanted -to share everything with someone and be 100% comfortable being who I am, never once worrying about being judged. It may not sound like much, but having her endless support in every decision I make gives me so much joy. Secondly, I want to thank you for saving me. You five boys saved me from myself. I am ever so slowly recovering, but I have you guys to thank for being the reason I am. It's the best feeling in the world to wake up and feel like I actually belong, to feel happy.
I have been severely bullied from the 1st to the 9th grade, and I really just never knew how to handle the situation. I was always told to ignore it, but at such a young age I couldn't tell myself that it would get any better. I feared the worst. I would constantly let these things get to me and there wasn't anyone there for me. I'd cry for hours on end thinking that I had to go back to school and face those bullies again. I didn't know what to do, so I turned to the second thing I knew, self-harm. It never occurred to tell an adult working at my school because when I had told my parents they never thought of it as severe. For 3 long, quite terrifying years, I hid my self-harming secret from anyone I knew. I didn't want help; I wanted an out. It had gotten to a point in time where I was sick of feeling this never ending pain. I had given up; there wasn't any hope left for me. Day to day I'd sit in my bed thinking of the only way I knew to get out of this all -suicide. The thought was terrifying to me, but I just didn't see this hope getting any better. I had it planned, I knew what I had to do and when. I didn't think I could be saved. I didn't want to be. I was kicked down whenever I'd regained my strength, and I thought it was my only solution.
Somehow, it did. Everything happened so quickly, yet it was such a long process. It wasn't up until two years ago I found someone to talk to -my best friend. You guys are the reason I have her. I will never truly understand what I did to deserve such a blessing in my life, but it happened. She was the first person I had ever felt 100% myself with. I was so comfortable talking to her. Everything was just out in the open. She convinced me to tell my parents about how bad the situation had gotten. I spared them the details, but I felt so relieved to get it off my chest. I got help immediately and things have significantly improved. Weird how it works, but it did. Such perfect timing. I can now proudly say that I'm healthy and I'm more alive than ever. Honestly the only reason I have her in my life is because you guys. You're probably wondering how she ties into my story, and unbelievable as it is, we started talking because you 5 boys impacted our lives greatly. It's still unbelievable that 5 boys can do so much as to save a life. Astonishing, really.
Yesterday, August 9, 2013, I went to a concert for the Take Me Home tour. After it had finished, I sat back down next to my best friend, watching people leave Staples Center, and just cried. I doubted that it had actually happened. I had just witnessed the 5 people who came into my life unexpectedly for such an amazing reason. It's so hard to believe that you were right in front of me. Even if you didn't see me out of the thousands of people, I saw you, and knowing you boys were really there was enough for me. It was an unforgettable experience. I went back to my friend's house and just sat in bed thinking how lucky I was to be in the position I am today. I never once imagined my life to be like this. I soon fell asleep, and woke up remembering my dream. It was one of those dreams, you won't ever forget because it means the world to you. It was a dream about all of you. In my dream, I'd seen you boys alone, and the whole time I was looking at you guys, I wanted nothing more than to thank you for everything you've ever done for me. I did exactly that; I told you my story, exactly what I'm telling you guys now. I was crying by the time I had finished and you all just hugged me. The next part stood out to me the most. Zayn bent down to eye level and told me, "No, thank you. And you were strong enough to save yourself." I feel like that would've been something you guys would say, if I did indeed meet you.
And that is truly all I ever want -to thank you. Even though my thank you seems so miniscule compared to what you've done for me, I mean it with all of my heart and soul. You boys are my world, so again, thank you for making my life more amazing and enjoyable than ever. I love you guys so much.
Love,
Angel (@steaknouis)
http://tl.gd/n_1rmbeol
