Goodbye, honey :Story of an Indian bride

#Wedding

Children were running around. Relatives were crowding the house, looking for a bathroom to get ready. My friends and cousins were putting make up on me and dressing me up for the ring ceremony today.

I couldn't believe my wedding functions had already begun. I had been counting days leading up to my wedding, living each day, savoring every remaining moment of my leftover freedom.

And to say the least, the months leading up to my wedding were eventful. I had never been in a steady relationship, so I didn't know what it is like to be fully committed to somebody. Adjusting to it was difficult.

Some days were good. Some were bad. He'd constantly remind me about the changes I should go after I'm married to him and I'd always hate it. On the other hand he'd be really sweet to me and tell me how much he loved me. He'd take care of me during my period, get chocolates, ice creams and anything I want. Still It was difficult for me. But aren't all relationships like that?

I don't know, maybe they are. Maybe they aren't. Right now I am just worried about today. My ring ceremony where I'd be meeting his friends for the first time. He hadn't introduced me to them before because he didn't want them to end up liking me or even admire me. I was the party girl after all. I knew how to flirt with a guy. So how could he introduce me to them? What if I ran off with anyone of them? Obviously, he didn't tell me all these things. He just shrugged, pulled me towards him with my back pressed against his chest and said, "You know baby, how possessive I am of you. I can't bear the sight of even a guy looking at you that way."

At that time, I found it sweet and I liked his possessiveness, but now that I think about it, I really don't. Because that was the reason he'd give for everything. He didn't let me go to a guy friend's wedding, simply because he was a guy. Most of my friends weren't invited to the all the functions because they were guys. They were only invited to the wedding. It really started pissing me off.

***
Ring ceremony started and it was all very typical. My cousins and friends were on one side and his friends on the other. Neither sides were letting the rings getting exchanged. Everybody had their own conditions . And this was the first time I realized how fun it is to just be a friend and take part in fun ceremonies. Away from all the bridal anxiety. I wished I could have that back.

But I couldn't, so when the ring ceremony was over, I was relieved. Puneet and I were made to sit together for the food. That's when he said his tone a bit deep and authoritative, "Priyanka I have been meaning to tell you since quite a while, take your dupata around your chest, I don't like people gawking at your cleavage." I stared at him for a good two seconds. It wasn't the first time he'd said that to me. Still,It was our wedding for crying out loud. Couldn't he just ignore it for once? Still I tried to reason him out.

"Puneet, I am trying, I really am. Much can't be done about it. I can't shift the dupata because it'll ruin the arrangement.I am the bride. I have to sit in a certain way, I can't adjust my dupata again and again."

He didn't look like he was okay with it. Hell, he was far from okay. But since we were in the public, he couldn't do much about it.I knew I'll be getting a  earful about it afterwards.

As I predicted, I did get an earful about it. Again it was an understatement.After the ceremony, on my way back to home, he called me and the words he used were quite hurtful. He again yelled at me about my cleavage, then he complained how his friends were ill treated by my cousins, how he wouldn't marry me tomorrow, if I didn't wear my dupata properly during the wedding.

It was our wedding and all he could care about was the people around him.He didn't care if I'd eaten, he didn't care that we were about to be married in less than twenty four hours. He didn't care that I was about to relinquish my home, my life, my freedom and come to live with him in his house. He just didn't give a shit.

So all through my way back home I just cried. I ain't a person who cries frequently. Especially not in public.In front of people, I'd always put on a brave facade. I never showed my weakness to anybody.It made me vulnerable in front of them and that's something I detest. And since I had a house full of relatives, I knew I had to do all the crying before I reached home.

At night when finally there wasn't anybody around, I let go of my tears and no longer held a reign over them. And just like that I cried off to sleep.

***
The next day my condition was just the same. As I went to the parlor I was still teary eyed.And after that when my friends came to pic me up to take me to the wedding hall, I just hugged them, wishing that they'd take me somewhere else, anywhere else but to this awful wedding hall.

But I couldn't just leave like that. It wasn't a Bollywood movie where there is a hero with whom the heroine elopes. This was reality where a lot was at stake.

When something happens, it isn't just you the people talk about, it's your parents too. They mock them, questions their upbringing.

Still, for one hour I contemplated going inside the wedding hall. I kept telling myself that he'd learn to take care of me, that he wasn't a bad man, he said he loved me so maybe he did mean some of those things. And little by little I pushed myself to go inside.

So I finally went inside and, it was a nightmare. All through the wedding  Puneet didn't even spare a glance at me. I kept looking at him, that now he'll make eye contact , now he'll acknowledge me but he just didn't.

This continued all through the 'sath phera'  and reception. And finally came the bidaai  the ceremony of a bride parting from her family.

I didn't hold any facade now. I just cried. I hugged my mother and cried along with her. And a question lingered through my mind:How was I going to survive this marriage?

Author's note:

This was a little hard to write. I hope it comes of as realistic as I plan it to be.

'Sath phera' is the Indian ceremony of getting married.