"hey, evans!" i called, quickening my pace to catch up with my red-haired friend. i breathed deeply when i caught up with her, and we turned into a courtyard with an empty bench. i sat next to her, and she took parchment out of her bag. she began to scribble on it with a ballpoint pen, something she had brought to school that had amazed all of the purebloods.
"what's up, alice?" she asked, genuinely interested in what i was going to say.
"so, how do you feel about james potter? great guy, right?" i asked straightforwardly. i waved at a couple of passer-bys who we knew from second year, and lily looked at me with a small frown.
"i mean, he is your boyfriend, so i'd hope you think he's great." my smile dropped. i had forgotten for a moment that he was meant to be my boyfriend. i looked at lily with a blank face, searching for something to say that would cover this up.
"yes. right. well, uh, i just wanted to get your opinion on him, since we're graduating soon, and i have to make some pretty big decisions soon and things like that and--" i coughed. "yeah, so what do you think?"
lily stared at me for a moment. she could tell that there was something suspicious going on.
"well, he's a great guy. he's gotten a lot better, even since last year."
"yeah, and? how is he, you know, looks-wise?"
"i'm surprised you're not mad at me for this." she laughed, writing down more of her notes.
"no, not at all! in fact, i want you to tell me everything." i lied. i knew i would only feel more guilty if she told me everything, but at this point, my words were just free-falling out of my mouth. i had no control from my brain to my vocal cords.
"i mean, i guess he's pretty hot." she thought for a moment. "if you guys weren't dating, i might take the opportunity." she laughed, clearly trying to make light of this situation. i smacked my lips.
"okay, great!" i jumped up, a stack of parchment falling off the bench. after scrambling to clean it up, i clapped my hands together and began to back out of the courtyard. "well, i'll see you later, lils! we should play a game of exploding snap sometime... you know where to find me!" i turned away and disappeared down the hall. lily was left with a confused smile on her face.
the guilt that i had felt the previous night was festering-- no, not festering. it was manifesting into something greater. anxiety even. i wasn't sure what to do at this point, and there was just about nobody i could ask for advice.
sirius and remus would know something was up, and spill the beans to one of our friends.
lily would get mad at james, or me, or the both of us.
peter knew just about nothing on the subject-- plus, he'd been hanging out with a lot of slytherins lately. i hadn't seen him in a while.
the only person left to ask for advice was mcgonagall, so to her office i went.
"...so, minnie, that's what we're dealing with. it's almost worse than those muggle romance books that fifth-years try to smuggle in." i leaned back in a chair across from professor mcgonagall. she pursed her lips at me.
"well, it sounds like one of them wrote it." she began, clasping her fingers together after straightening out her quills. mcgonagall was almost like my mother while i was at hogwarts, except she punished us much more than my mother would have. she was an extremely intelligent woman-- one of the most intelligent people i knew. i knew that if anyone could help me with this, it would be her. dumbledore would give me a philisophical answer that would take me a whole school year to decode. by that time, this problem would be long gone.
"just tell me what to do," i just about begged her. she looked past her glasses at me, and i knew she was going to say something good.
"i believe, ms. livingston, that you need to tell mr. potter." she said, and leaned back in her chair. i looked at her with an open mouth.
"but professor--"
"don't 'but professor.' i know that it is going to be hard, but what's holding you back? you don't have any romantic feelings for him, ms. evans is your friend, and mr. potter was just doing this to get her to like him." professor mcgonagall raised her eyebrows. she was always a voice of reason, and i knew it was just about useless to try to argue with her wisdom.
"i suppose you're right." i conceded.
"i suppose i am. now, i need to finish some grading, so unless you plan to help me, i suggest you go find mr. potter." i was waved off, out of her office.
i was left alone with my own thoughts.
