Imperfectly Perfect

Entirely Alone

After awhile, Isabella insisted that she go home. 

"No! I want you to stay here with me. I want you to be safe." Phineas countered.

Isabella sighed. "Phineas, I feel like I'm becoming a burden. Besides," she put on a fake smile. " I feel so much better!" 

Phineas looked at her skeptically. "You do?" He asked slowly.

"Yes, yes I do. Thanks, Phineas. I should be going now!" She quick kissed him and left in fear he could see right through her.

"Isabella! Wait!... Don't go..." He said as she pulled out of their driveway and sped away. "Please...don't..." Phineas defeatedly muttered. 

All he wanted was to keep her safe. There was so many things that might happen to her that scared him. She could...she could, go into depression or start doing drugs or drinking.... She could end her life for all he knew. 

 "What just happened?"

 One minute, she was sobbing and holding onto him, and the next....

She was gone. 

As soon as she got into her room, Isabella locked the door. She looked in the mirror that hung behind it and started crying again. 

Why must life tear her down just when she felt life was going good? Why, why, why?!?

Isabella suddenly felt infuriated and took the nearest object, which happened to be a lamp, and threw it. As it shattered she felt more uncontrollable anger surge through her. 

"Odio mi Vida!" She screamed. "I hate my life! What have I ever done to deserve this?!" She cried. "Why is this happening to me?!" 

She fell to the ground and sobbed for a good 3 hours before getting up and getting in bed. She didn't even bother changing her clothes as she fell into bed and cried herself to sleep.

Isabella had never felt so helpless. She had no one to talk to. She just wanted to be done with life. She didn't want to be here anymore. No one understood what she was going through. Not even Phineas. She was all alone. 

Isabella woke up in the middle of the night and went to the bathroom. She looked at the huge bottle of aspirin that lay ever-so-close to her. She could just end it now if she wanted. No more pain, no more tears... No. This was ridiculous. She was being irrational. But wasn't there someway? Someway to at least ease her pain? Anything? 

She quickly walked out of the bathroom and into the foreboding kitchen. She opened the drawer and moved things out of the way. 

There it was.

An about 4" switchblade. 

'What am I doing?' She thought. She hesitated. She put the knife back in the drawer and quietly, softly, shut it.

But even as she crawled back into bed, she felt the desire pulling her into the kitchen. She felt cold and empty. She so wanted to try to fill the void somehow... 

Still, she lay in bed shaking with the fear of the direction her life is turning.