The Leader Gave Me Hope: The First Book of the Freeformers Series

• Restarting •

Brat.
You better wait until school ends.
You don't leave unless I say you can.
Useless.
Disappointment.
You will never leave.
Faline gasped, screaming as she shot upright on her air mattress and threw her hands forward in an attempt to protect herself. Leo caught her arms and forced them down, moving out of the way of her legs as she kicked and tried to free herself. Her blonde hair flew about her face, her lips drawn tightly shut as she struggled. Leonardo remained silent, his eyes flicking tiredly around his bedroom, trying not to think about the blissful sleep he was missing out on as Fae eventually came to her senses.
"Did I hurt you?" Was the first thing out of her mouth, her face pale and her platinum strands sticking to her cheeks with a sheen of cold sweat.
"No," he replied, releasing her hands and yawning, "but it's the third time tonight you've woken up."
She ran her shaky fingers through her hair. "I know. Maybe I should go sleep on the couch--"
"No. You're staying here. I don't want you hurting yourself."
"Leo, I'll be fine," she responded, "It's not like I'm gonna... m-morph in my sleep or something."
As she said it, Fae's eyes flicked toward the leopard spots now dotting her shoulders and arms.
"You can never be too careful," Leo said, idly pulling the blankets closer around her, "You morphed a few days ago and nearly wrecked the entire lair."
"No. You need sleep," she argued, ignoring his reasoning and pushing the sheets off, "I'm sleeping in the living room."
"Fae, please--"
His words didn't reach her in time, and she stumbled to her feet, instantly regretting it when the quick movement made the room spin. The slowly-ebbing anxiety from her dream returned in full effect, combining with the vertigo to create a wave of nausea. A voice from one of Leo's brothers called out, "Hey! We're trying to sleep! Keep it down!" Adding to the confusion of her dizziness. She dashed out of the room, her skin now twice as pale and a hand clapped over her mouth. Fae slammed the door shut once she reached the bathroom, listening to the resulting bang echoing through the lair and lifting the kid just in time to empty the meager contents of her stomach into the toilet bowl.
Faline panted as she wiped the bile from the corner of her mouth, sitting back and staring over at the door, hearing a multitude of footsteps hurrying in her direction. Her eyes shut, hyper-aware ears picking up the conversation occurring outside the bathroom.
"I don't know, she just ran out."
"This isn't good - night terrors are typical perhaps with abuse victims, but I have no adequate experience with psychology to determine a proper treatment. And the additional nausea must be another symptom of her anxiety."
"Screw psychology. Just get her to quit yelling! I cannot be the only one annoyed with her screaming every night."
"Have a heart, dude. She's gone through a lot. I know what to do - I'll make her some food!"
"I really don't see how giving her food poisoning would help her situation, Mikey."
"Hey!"
Faline's eyes flashed open, her pupils momentarily feline as her eyelids lifted. She let a shallow breath escape her lips, her fingertips finding and mapping the minuscule cracks and bumps in the tile. She counted to twenty evenly, running through different languages in her head to try and distract herself. A piece of her hair fell into her eyes as she rocked back and forth, and pushed it away in annoyance.
She realized this wasn't normal.
No part of her life was normal anymore.
But these recurring dreams about her life before living at the lair were getting really old, really fast. She was completely ready to move on and begin a life for herself, but apparently her subconscious wasn't quite prepared to release the hoards of suppressed thoughts and emotions she'd harbored over the years.
This is ridiculous, she thought, I'm safe. Leo isn't gonna let anything happen to me - he said so himself! So why the hell cant I move on?!
The back of her head thudded gently against the wall, her ears still picking up bits and pieces of the bickering turtles outside. She allowed her memory to drift back to a few days ago, remembering her conversation with Leo's sensei after first arriving to the lair.

"Your path has not been easy," he had observed, kneeling across from her beneath the vibrant tree while she tried to take in her surroundings, "and I fear your difficulties are not yet at an end."
Her eyes found him, and she nodded in agreement.
"Leonardo has grown close to you. He has told me countless times of your refusal of his help in the matter with your brother. Collin, was it?"
"Connor." She warmed, embarrassed that her friend had talked so frequently about her.
"You must understand this, Faline," the rat said, searching her eyes expression, "My son cares for his friends and family greatly. He is willing to sacrifice anything - perhaps even his life - for his brothers and his clan. And you as well, I'd assume."
The thought of him risking his life just for her well-being - the panic she felt when Connor had pressed that gun to his head - made her shiver.
"Raphael, Donatello, and Michelangelo have been trained to protect themselves. They no longer require his constant protection," Splinter paused. "I have seen the way he looks at you. He will not hesitate to defend you. You must learn to defend yourself, so the need for his intervention is not required."
Her blush deepened. What does he mean, he sees the way he looks at me? How does he look at me? All she could do was nod once more.
"The Foot Clan, as I am told, has an interest in you. I am willing to begin training you in ninjutsu, and hone your abilities to allow your mental state to remain constant during your... morphing."
Her thoughts remained jumbled, the master's words echoing amongst the train wreck inside her head.
"Then let's get started," She finally said, meeting Splinter's gaze with renewed determination.

A knock on the door jolted Fae back to the present.
"Fae?" Leo's voice called hesitantly.
"I'm fine," She called back.
Was she?
Some ninja clan was after her.
She had inexplicably gained shape-shifting capabilities.
Her nightmares were riddled with shadows of the past, with memories of carefully-concealed bruises and words that seeped into her like irrepressible poison.
Fae's long hair fell across her face, tickling her nose and making her sigh in irritation. Her fingers deftly stroked the blonde strands, and another memory itched at the back of her mind.
Her mom's hair had always been long. Tamara had always loved the way it swayed in the breeze, cascaded down her back in luscious curls. After the accident, Fae had sworn not to cut her own hair, remembering how much her mother had loved the natural length and wave.
She wondered what Tamara would think of her now, sitting in a bathroom beneath the streets of New York City, recovering from her own brother's abuse.
Fae's eyes hardened. No. No more looking back. No more wishing things were different. No more thinking about what could've happened.
She tugged at the ends of her hair, and something new surged up inside her.
I'm starting over.
And just like that, she was on her feet,rummaging through her toiletries bag. Her heart skipped a beat when she extracted the small pair of scissors. Fae's eyes traveled up to the mirror, taking in her dismal reflection. The leopard print decorating her upper body. Her form thin, nearing scrawny. Her hair covering half her face, but failing to obscure the fading bruise on her forehead.
No more fear, she thought as she reached up poised the scissors over her blonde strands.
No more hiding, she said to herself as the locks fell onto the counter.
I'm starting over.
She gazed at herself again. The cut was choppy and unruly, but it was so different from the usual drab and ordinary look she used to sport that she decided it would do. Her hair fell just below her chin, loose and carefree. It bounced slightly any time she moved.
Another knock on the door. "Fae, please come out."
Raph spoke as she swept the rest of the hair into the trash bin. "Leave her. She can stay in there all night, for all I care. As long as she quits the screaming."
Fae opened the door, peering individually at each of the brothers. They gawked at the new haircut; Mikey grinning like it was the best hairstyle ever, Donnie puzzled at her choice to do a complete makeover at 2 AM, Raph even more piqued to discover he'd wasted sleep over this. And Leo... Leo just gaped at Fae like this was the first time he'd laid eyes on her.
"I'm going to bed," She proclaimed quietly, tucking her hair away from her face and heading back toward the bedroom.