Just Friends? No, It Must Be More

Chapter 13

Ryan's POV

"Man, what the fuck? You had him!" Kenny yelled as he focused on the flat screen. We were playing gears of war on my Xbox. Usually I'm into the game kicking Locust ass but right now I can barely think. Alison has been distant with me this past week. Ever since she came home asking me if what we were doing was right she's been pulling away from me. I didn't say anything about it because I didn't want her to finally decide that I wasn't what she wanted, and realize that I don't deserve her. Even though I have a feeling that this could be the end of us I wasn't going to stop proving to her that I could be that guy for her. It's her decision, and I was going to do everything to get her to choose me.

I didn't respond. I was frustrated. Frustrated that I couldn't get my head together to beat the Locust. Frustrated that things between Alison and I were rocky and unstable. Just plain frustrated. So I just pounded the keys on my controller until I died again leaving Kenny to fend for himself. I sat back in defeat and watched Kenny get torn apart till it was a failed mission. We both threw the controllers to the rug.

"What the fuck man? We were so close! You're better than me, how in the world did you die first?" I know it sounds like Kenny was way to into the game but that's just how guys are. When we're in the zone, there's absolutely no going back.

"It's over" I sighed.

"Yeah, I know dumbass, you left me to die." he chuckled

"No, I mean. We're over." I sighed again.

Kenny looks at me confused "What are you talking about?"

I set my head back on the couch and looked up towards the ceiling, "Dude, I think she's going to break up with me. Not that we were together in the first place, but you know what I mean."

"I thought things were good between you two? When I left, you were smiling like an idiot. I gave you advice. Did you not use it?"

I sit up and say, "I did! I did exactly what you said to do. I'm trying to show her that I can be that guy for her. I have no idea what I'm doing wrong but last week she asked me if what we were doing was right."

"What did you say?"

"I told her that I know it's right because I want us together, but I don't think she knows what she wants. She didn't say that she wanted to stop being with me, but lately she's been holding back."

"Maybe it's time you make it absolutely clear that you want to be with her. Officially. And ask her if she wants the same thing too."

"I don't think I can do that."

"Why not?"

"Because, what if she doesn't want the same thing? What if she doesn't feel the same way? Honestly, I'm perfectly okay with just having her with me the way we are now than not having her at all. Even if she's not sure about how she feels, and unsure about what she wants. I'd be okay with that even if it's killing me"

"Man, you got it bad." He said as he pat me on the back.

Yes, I do.

Alison's POV

"God, can someone get this girl a drink? Cause she sure looks like she can use one." Collin said as he eyed me from behind the counter. "What's got you all sad looking?"

"It's nothing." I sighed.

He rolled his eyes and sat across from me at the table, "It's never nothing. And when I see you, happy giggly Alison, frowning something must be wrong. If you were someone else I'd tell you to suck it up, but it's you. I have a soft spot for you in my gay little heart. So spill."