Just Friends? No, It Must Be More

Chapter 21

Ryan's POV

I walk into the kitchen and see Anna, Kenny, and Alison emptying our kitchen of canned goods and nonperishable foods. I walk behind my girlfriend ,hold her by the hips and kiss her on the neck just below her ear, which happens to be one of her weak spots. "Hey" I murmur against her skin. She turns around gives me the kiss on the lips I've been waiting for all day at work.

"Hey, how was work?" she asks as she puts some cans in a box.

"Good. What's going on here?" I ask

"We're donating some food to the Thanksgving food drive, remember?" Anna says as she too fills a box with food.

It must have slipped my mind. Thanksgiving is in a few days and my sister has been calling me nonstop for the past two days. She always calls when the holidays come around. And it's always the same thing. She wants me to come home but I can't, its too hard. I haven't been home in over three years.

"Oh, yeah. I forgot. Here, let me help." Alison smiled and handed me a box. "So how does this work? Are we just dropping off the boxes at the school or are we going to help deliver too?"

"We're actually going to deliver. I think we get to deliver to the Santa Ana shelter." Alison says

"Hey, isn't that 20 minutes from where you live, Ryan?" Kenny asks.

Oh shit. This can't be happening.

"Newport Beach is near Santa Ana?" Alison asks with a smile. I nod. "Are you going to give us a tour of your hometown?" she asks hopefully.

"When are we delivering again?" I ask trying to get out of this.

"The 22nd, tomorrow" Alison says.

"Oh, I don't think I can make it."

"What? Why? I double checked the date with you two days ago."

"I know, I just forgot" she gave me a questioning look, "I'm sorry."

She dismissed my apology and kissed my cheek, "Don't worry about it."

***

Alison's POV

Anna, Kenny, Corey, and I delivered the food to the shelter and spent some time there organizing the food. Corey tagged along with us because he had access to the school van, making it easier for us to deliver the food. After a couple hours, we headed home. When I arrived at the house, I saw Ryan sitting on the couch with his back turned to me. He must not have heard us enter the house because he was focused on the conversation he was having on the phone. Kenny and Anna made their way upstairs and disappeared into her bedroom.

"I just can't, Court. I'm sorry." I heard him say. Courtney is his sister. She's been calling a lot lately, but I never know why. "I don't know what else to say. I just can't okay." He sighed and ended his call.

I stood awkwardly behind him. His head hung low, and his elbows rested on his knees. He still didn't hear me walk towards him. As I walked to the side of the couch I saw him rub his forehead in frustration. I cleared my throat so he knew I was there. He looked up quickly and gave me a small smile, "Hey, when did you get in?" he asked

"Just now." He opened his arms as I sat on his lap. He held me around my waist and I brushed my fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes, "You okay?" I whispered.

He forced a smile and said, "Yeah, I'm fine." I frowned because he's been saying that a lot lately. He hasn't been himself. He tried to change the subject by asking, "How was shelter?"

"Good. We got a lot done. They said they'd be able to give the food to families in time for Thanksgiving."

I gave him a small smile and stared at his chest. I didn't know how to ask him. I wanted to know what was wrong but he never wants to talk about it. I know he's getting tired of my asking but I 'm just worried about him. I looked up at him and he was looking at me. I looked into his eyes and saw sadness even though he was smiling at me.

"That's good. Who's car did you take? I noticed all your cars were here." he said

"Corey suggested he drive all of us in the school van."

He looked uncomfortable again. He always does when Corey's name is brought up. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." he mumbled.

"You been saying that a lot lately."

His eyes narrowed slightly as he asked, "Do you want me to say I'm jealous so you can get mad at me, again?"

"No, I don't want you to be jealous at all."

"It's not that easy, Alison. I can't just not be jealous when you're with him all the time."

I held his face in my hands and made him look at me, "I'm with you. You don't have to worry. I'm all yours."

His eyes looked like they were searching mine and he said, "I just don't want you leaving me." When he realized what he said, his eyes left mine.

"Why would you say that?" I asked him, stunned.

"Forget it." he said quickly and gently lifted me off him and stood up.

"No, why would you ever think that I'd leave you?" I asked him

He paused for a second. He opened his mouth to say something but instead he said, "Forget it, just drop it."

"No, tell me." I pleaded

"Drop it." he said sternly.

"Why won't you tell me anything? It's like you're constantly hiding things from me." He didn't answer, instead he looked away and remained silent, "Like everytime I ask you about your family, you always avoid my questions. Why can't you just talk to me?"

He sighed, "Why can't you just drop it?"

"Because I'm worried about you!" I yelled.I didn't mean to yell at him. I was getting frustrated because he wouldn't let me help him. He wouldn't let me in.

"You don't have to worry about me." he said while looking down at me. But he wasn't looking me in the eyes. He looked anywhere but in my eyes.

"I can't help it. I'm always worried about you when I see you like this. I care about you, Ryan. Don't you get it?"

He sighs and sits back down."All I'm asking is for you to just let it go. Please?" he asks with desperation.

"I can't. Obviously this is something that is bothering you."

"But it has nothing to do with you, okay? So just let me deal with it on my own."

"Why?... Why won't you let me help you? We're together Ryan. You and me, we're an us. Let me help you."

"Us being together has nothing to do with my past. Why do you have to keep bothering me about it?"

"Because we should be able to tell each other anything. I tell you everything and you... you never tell me anything." He shook his head in frustration. "I'm just worried about you, Ryan. Lately, you've been frustrated and irritated. More than usual. And you seem sad. And I just want to know what's going on. If it has to do with me, or Corey, or your family. I want to make it better. Just tell me."

" I can't."

"I don't want to fight with you, Ryan. It hurts me when we fight. I don't like being angry with you. And if you can't tell me what's going on then how are we suppose to fix whatever's wrong?"

"I just." he sighed, "I need some time alone, is that okay?"

"What does that mean?"

"What I mean is that maybe, maybe we should cool off for a while." I didn't say anything. I just stood there staring at him until he walked out of the house. And just like that I felt empty. My heart hurt so bad I didn't even feel the tears running down my cheeks. I only realized I was crying when my vision started to blur. I can't believe it. He just... left me.