so unedited you will probably cry
"half an hour?" dan repeated resting his phone between his cheek and shoulder as his fingers aimlessly tried to smooth out his already straightened hair.
"will we be bothering you if we reach earlier?"
"no it's great actually, i haven't seen you in the longest while," dan could feel a smile pulling at the corner of his lips as he spoke to phil's mother, who just called to inform him that they'll be there at the venue way before time.
"maybe you could hit me up with all the gossip that i've missed," her voice was pitched high and laced with excitement, dan could already feel at ease with the amount of energy bubbling in her tone. "oh and i made you your favourite cookies so you wouldn't complain!"
"oh no mrs. lester, you didn't have to," dan laughed softly in embarrassment, feeling the heat pool in his cheeks at the statement.
"mrs. lester? when did you get this formal with me," he could imagine the older woman rolling her eyes. "and don't tell me i didn't have to! you pester me everytime you visit for those damn cookies,"
"hey i do not! i just politely push you inside the kitchen and ask you to make them," dan joked, eyes wandering around the small room towards phil, who was leaning against the backrest of a leather chair, allowing the woman to fix his hair and apply make-up to his face. it was preplanned, to hire someone who could fix both their appearances for the event to the point where atleast they were looking presentable. neither of them would want to look too laid back for phil's wedding.
"what's phil doing? is he nervous?" mrs. lester sounded a bit worried, and dan looked over at phil instinctively.
"he's getting his make-up done, and no, don't worry he doesn't look nervous to me," as soon as the words left dan's mouth, phil raised his head up just a little to have a look at him. it was an involuntary action for dan to look away and attempt to hide the sudden flush in his cheeks.
it was strangely calming how he could converse so easily with phil's family, almost as if they were his own. and that wasn't a surprise because he saw phil as his family too, once. he remembers the feeling of familiarity and trust that began to fade away so quickly after they ended things, almost like a gradual friendship but in reverse. it was heartbreaking, for them to slowly lose touch, where dinners went from being at midnight in dan's room to both of them simply skipping the meals to avoid each other.
dan wishes there was something he could do to turn back time.
the call had ended now, and dan was sat patiently on one of the stools, eyes focused on nothing in particular and thoughts swarming. the reality of the situation was hitting him again, knowing that this was the most time he'll be spending with phil anytime soon.
even though they didn't really communicate well in the past few months, he would still miss the six years of friendship that they've dragged along with them. dan can't remember how many nights they've spent together while carelessly watching a movie, or ruined beautiful sunsets by not looking outside the window but crunching on dry cereal or popcorn. failed baking attempts and romantic meals, unscheduled icecream dates and the sound of the coffee pot buzzing once phil wakes up.
it seems like it has all gone to waste.
"can you tilt your head to the right?" the woman who was dabbing a pale foundation over phil's face a few seconds ago was now setting it in with some sort of a spray, phil's eyes shut tightly and his nose scrunched up in displeasure.
dan had already gotten his face fixed up, the only thing visible was his bruising lip which he made worse after chewing on it nervously, every other second. five minutes later, dan was handing the woman her fee, who just thanked him quietly and wished phil good luck before leaving, and dan wished he could pay her a little extra so she would stay longer as the silence had already begun to stretch.
phil sat quietly in the chair, eyes closed and head tilted back and dan diverted his gaze towards him once the older boy sighed.
"you okay?" the words were out of dan's mouth before he could even comprehend them, and when phil opened his eyes and looked at him longingly, contemplating whether to say the truth or not, dan wished he wouldn't have said anything.
"yeah," phil lied, his head pounding with the thought of his entire life changing after today, especially when he had no idea if it was for the best or the worst. "actually no," phil's tongue had lost control.
"i'm just so worried that things might not go the way they are supposed to, and i'm afraid that i might not want this after it's too late," he admitted in broken sentences and dan furrowed his eyebrows.
"phil," dan sighed. he was no longer hoping for phil to cancel his marriage, as it is, he was sure even if he did, they would have no chance of getting back together so he convinced himself that all he wanted now, was for this day to go well for at least one of them. "it's completely normal for you to feel that way. i mean, i think almost everyone is unsure with decisions like these and you are really brave to even sit here not crying your eyes out. don't worry alright? i'm sure everything is going to be fine,"
"yeah but what if i slip up? and what about the vows? i don't have anything prepared and i'll be so embarrassed if pj comes up with something undeniably wonderful," phil dropped his head into his open palms, not wanting to ruin the work of the woman on his face but desperately needing something to just hold onto him.
"i'm sure once he is in front of you, everything will make sense. you love him don't you?" dan's voice was quiet, his heart breaking and a wrenching emptiness inside of him as he waited for an answer.
"yeah," phil nodded, throat closing up as if his heart was begging for him to stop lying. he wasn't sure if he was lying anymore. "i love him,"
"yeah,"
"dan?" phil called, after a moment of silence and the younger boy looked up slightly, raising his head at the sound. his eyebrows furrowed in question once phil didn't say anything, instead, he got off his chair and stepped nervously towards dan, arms fidgeting by his side before he enveloped dan into a tight hug.
"i'll miss you," although the words were meant to be reassuring, stating that they'll be spending time again sometime soon, dan knew this was just the closure.
this was it.
"i'll miss you," and dan gave in completely, nuzzling his face desperately into phil's neck and holding him close, breathing heavy and voice on the verge of breaking. "god, i'll miss you so much,"
--
for god's sake i'm so freaking sorry for all the wait
