Hey guys! Jk I'm not happy.
So that guy I was talking about, well guess what? He decided to ignore me. Well idk if he's actually ignoring me, but we where texting I responded back like 2mins after cuz I just checked my phone, and now it's like a full 2 hours after he responded. Great.
So I texted him back, "That's fine, ignore me, that's totally cool. I'd just rather u tell me next time". Gosh I'm so.... idk.
Like you, can't not text a person with anxiety. I'm seriously sitting here freaking out. Like did I say something wrong? Am I being to annoying? Is something wrong with me?!?? Am I just too ugly he can't stand talking to me??
Okay so he just texted back that he was at a sports banquet, and it felt like a huge weight got lifted off my chest. Then after I apologized we where good. I'm still a little worried that what I said might have change his view on me or like made him become suspicious. I hate when people know I have anxiety. Like, I told my close friends, but... I'm not sure I would ever be able to tell him. Even if we got close.
It's not that I don't trust him, it's just that I'm too worried that... he will look at me more differently than what he already thinks of me. And... I think that scares me. I'm always paranoid that I'm too clingy or too annoying. If I feel like I'm one of those two, I apologize immediately. One time, this girl got annoyed with me apologizing so much that she told me to stop, and I said sorry for saying sorry too much.
You know, you have to be carful what you say to people. One time... gosh can't believe I'm saying this, but one time someone said I looked weird when I laughed. Now, I always cover the lower part of my face. Some people criticize me for that too, but... it's better than being told I look weird when I laugh. I'm always scared that people are going to make fun of me.
Like when I run, I feel awkward. So I'm kinda athletic compared to my gym class because we are all band students so you can't expect anything less. Well I'm always up running by myself cause most of my close friends aren't in band, so I just run by myself. I like it because i feel like I can run at my own pace. Well, I feel like I walk and run weird. Like I'm doing it all wrong.
And sometimes I get sensory overload. What that is, is when like to much of something. Like it bothers me soooooooo much when I hear people's pencils hitting the paper when I'm taking a test. Or when I hear people breathing when I'm taking a test. It bothers me!!!
Another thing that bothers me, is when people say they have anxiety just so people feel pity of them. Like no you don't have anxiety, that's depression, can't you tell by the attention seeking. Not that I'm stereotyping depressed people, but most times that what happens.
Now me, I don't want attention. When I was younger, I had just depression. I wanted attention. I would date guys even if I didn't like them. Just so I had a boyfriend.
I considered committing suicide a lot when I was younger. But my parents still don't know about any of this.
But I hate attention now. So like, today we had to dress up because we had a Veterans Day assembly, and I dressed up in a pencil skirt and flannel. Now I hate dressing up, and pencil skirts, but you know, I did. Anyway my schools popular people are so against the stereotype that they practically made a new one. I hate it so much.
Anyways, I have a few, well maybe a a lot more than a few, popular people I talk to on a regular basis. And my one friend likes to point out that I have pretty curves and all. She was like, "d*** _ _ _ _ _ _ " and I covered my butt. I hate when people compliment me.
It just bothers me. All day I was getting compliments. And boys where looking at me more. And stuff. It bothered me sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much.
Well, I had fun. Jk. Luv u peeps, remember, people have fake smiles, don't get stabbed in the back, and please see through the pleading ones. Every little things helps. Please. See through the smile. See through mine.
- Anxiety_chicken
