Happy thanksgiving to all my nonexistent followers! Okay I got lots to share.
So remember that guy? Well yah, he called me cute!!!!!! Well first I should start off with how that all happened.
So I think like Tuesday it's was, he asked me who I liked. And I was like... do I like him? So I just said something like "why do you wanna know?" And he said, "cause your my _ _ and I wanna know all ab my _ _." And I was like, ok. One part of me was all like "awwwwe he cares" and the other part was like "girl he's playing with your feelings, he'll never like you." I bet you could guess that I started to lean towards the first one. Anyway I ask him who his crush is, and he says he's assessing his options. And I was like well that totally ain't me.
And so he was like describe who you like? And so I was like I will if you do. And he did. He said their all hot/cute. And so I being me think if I said anything he would guess it's him so I said, "um he has feet" So anyways Friday comes an the is still badgering me about my crush. Well I have that one extra girl I never really talked about that was at the party?
Well she spent the night. And anyway, me and him where texting and she was looking at them with me when they came in, and at this point I was trying to explain what shipping was. And I said good thing your a guy. And anyway we stoped for a little and I was like I wish I was a guy. And I sent that to him.
Well anyway he didn't say anything so I said there'd be no time of the month then. And I think I kinda startled him with my openness. Anyway he say like, I was gonna say something but u ruined it. That kinda hurt me. It scares me when stuff like this happens. I feel like... I ruined everything not just that small thing. I know, I know, to all of you no anxiety people, that seems crazy. But it happens. A lot. It doesn't just happen to him, it happens to everyone.
Well me feeling bad, I said no tell me. And kept that persistent. This is where it goes down hill. I ruined for sure. Not for him, for me.
If I just didn't ask what it was this would have never happened. So anyway he was like I'll tell you 5 minutes. And so me being me I was all like yay! And so I said, I'll set a timer for 4:59 seconds. So I did. Me and my friend threw a dance party. So the time is up and I told him that and stuff and so my friend was all super excited to read the text and was all like "I bet he's gonna confess his love to you!!!" And I was like no it's probably something stupid. Boy was I wrong.
So he says, "I was gonna say that if you where a guy u wouldn't be cute" so me being me thought directly back to that little talk where he said their all hot/cute. And then I was like... so I must be the cute one. Wait he probably wouldn't even consider me. But if he did... he'd probably pick to like the hot one/s.
And then he said, "so answer me this. What do you think of me?" And it took me like a minute to reply with my friend over my shoulder saying what I should say, I didn't think I should, but I did it anyway.
I replied... fine, fine. I kinda like you.
And he replied with, like? And I said like like. And then he said oh 😏😉. And I said oh shush. And then he said I thought u didn't like people and so I said I don't. And he said so I'm not like other people. And I said no your different.
Okay now keep in mind, I don't know how I got all this courage but it soon all disappeared. He said oh again. I then asked him, "do you like me?" He replied honestly, I don't like anyone right now. I'm assessing my options." Not knowing what to say, so I said, now don't start thinking I'm one of those girls, I don't get big crushes. I'm not gonna b one of those clingy girls that follow you around like a lost puppy.
And he said you don't seem like you would be. I just ruined my life right here.
So then I was like, forget I said anything. And the he said, why? And I said, I just made it awkward. And he's like no it won't be. Then he said its simple. You like me, I think your cute. It's not going to be weird. So not knowing what else to say, I said what ever you say.
No this whole time I was thinking, I don't wanna be his rebound. Like if he went after the "hot" girls and that didn't work, which I don't see this happening that way because like every girl loves him, I don't wanna be the one he where to continue to talk to. I don't want him to play with my feelings. I don't wanna get hurt.
So anyway he start to badger me about dancing with him. This story dates back to about Tuesday day again when we had nothing to talk about. So I brought up embarrassing stories.
I told him about this one time when I was at cedar point and some kid walks up to me and asks to dance with me. I was stunned and didn't really understand what was happening, anxiety flooding my brain, muddying it up, I said, "what? Why?" And his friend was like, dude you just got rejected. And so my friend I was with pulled me away and she was all like, "why did you reject that dude he was hot?" And I was like what? It wasn't until we got back to our hotel I realized he wanted to dance with me.
Now to joke around he says next time we go to my friends house, me and him are going to dance in the barn. He said are we still gonna dance? Of course me being me, I said idk. And so, he was like why and I kept making up excuses. I couldn't tell him I have anxiety. Then... he would know. That'd make it worse. He'd probably feel sorry for me and do stuff out of pity, not like actually liking me. Or- or he would think I'm doing it for attention since he practically rejected me.
Which I'm not!!!! So anyway he kept asking and then he caught on. He said, "there's something your not telling me". I knew it was up. But just to make sure I said, "it's not important" and then he said, "you can send it over dm if you would like" I knew he wasn't going to let go. So I did. I told him. I told him I have anxiety. Then he asked me one of the most important questions anyone could ever ask. "Do I scare you?" I think my heart melted right there.
"Sometimes" I replied. He asked what else scares me. I replied with, "A lot, ppl sympathizing me bc I tell them, um being annoying, ppl judging me, talking in front of ppl, ppl hating me, and lots of others". I never told him one of the most scariest though. I never told him, attention. Attention is one of the most scariest to anxiety people. We don't want attention. Attention bad.
Like most people think people with Anxiety are like people with really bad depression, people with depression want attention. People with anxiety, don't. We hate it. I hate when people stare at me, or think I'm pretty. It's easier to hate myself that way. Because I don't wanna build up hope that I'm pretty, or nice, or cute, because it soon comes back... worse.
Well I gtg. Luv y'all. Oh am I think I'm gonna update when major stuff happens now.
- Anxiety_chicken
