*Words that i've never told you*

//DREAMS//

Hello loves, so this is my first proper chapter! Sorry about any mistakes, i got these ideas in a dream and i write this at 3 A.M so it might be a bit weird. I found it a bit big though xD

Everything is so simple in her dreams. She belongs to him and he belongs to her. That is why she likes to keep dreaming, because they don't find excuses neither they complicate things. They just look at each other and smile because words aren't need to be said.
But do you know what is the worst about dreams ? Even though they may seem eternal our mind always seems to stop, our eyes always seem to open and our dreams always seem to end. The worst isn't that the dream is over, the worst is that after that, we have to face the reality. A reality where everything you dream off isn't real.
Outside dreams theirs story isn't real. Outside dreams she can't be with him and he can't be with her. As the day goes by, she gets more anxious to go to bed, to fall asleep and to dream, because she knows that if she does so, she will dream of him,like she always does.
If you are more happy dreaming that being in the real world, i wonder if you are trully living ... If she finds more joy on dreams than in real life, is she trully living or is she just surviving ? Sometimes she wonders if the real world is not just a nightmare from where she wants to wake up and go to his arms like in her dreams. She musts be going insane, how can someone be alive from the outside but so dead in the inside.
She wishes she could stand right beside him, assuring him that all his fesrs won't came true, because she won't let them, because she will be holding his hand the same way, he has always holded hers. And knowing that she is the only one he needs to breath as much as he is the only one she needs to lives takes her breath away, crushing her heart into million pieces ... Nedding him so bad destroys her.
She knows that being with him is a mistake, a sinneful mistake but being without him brings a lot more pain to her fragile heart. How is it  the only person that is the reason your heart is completely broken, is the only one who can mend it ? How is it possibel that the one who broke your heart, is the only cure for its healling ? Is it really worth it being away from him, because she doesn't deserve being with him, if that brings her heart into such a huge pain ? Yes.
How can she pretends she doesn't know or pretend she wishes she never did if she was empty before him ?
She still remembers the first time she saw him, the first timef she fell in her knees and he was the only one who helped her get up, the only one who believed in her even when she didn't believed in herself ... And she wishes that time just stopped so she could live that memory forever.
Because when you have one memory, good enough to remember, your life becames much more sadder, because to keep going, you hold on to that memory and hope that it will never be forgotten, because once that memory is forgetted, you don't have anything worth living for, amd if don't have anything woth living for why do you even try ?
He once asked her if she ever hated anything the way she hates him and she just turned her back to him, because he never understood that she has never hated him, that she is only staying away because that's what he deserves. She refuses to be selfish with him and make him live with the burden of her on his back, knowing that he might not admitted but that's what he wants, for her to stay away ... Or so she thinks ...
She doesn't hate him, she can't hate him, she won't hate him.
But she does hate something ... She hates the universe, for being always spinning around way too fast and she hates herself for not being able to control it, for not being able to stop de time. The world doesn't wait for anyone or for anything ... The world doesn't wait for things to happen, it just won't stop. And deep down, that's what she craves more. Far more than him, her heart deepest desire is for the time to stop right there and let her live those memories again, let her feel again what she she felt that time when he came to her, when he begged her to not give up because he couldn't see her down, because him to be happy, she needed to be happy. And after everything they've been through, after she did everything to stay away from him, he still came to her and said I'm glad you're moving on, i'm glad you didn't give up and she can't understand, being the smart guy he is, he cannot see that he always was the reason why she didn't let herself fall. Without him, she woould be crushed ... And he is naïve enough to think that she is better off without you.
And if he ever asked her, those are her favourite memories. The time that with just three simple words he made the difference. No it weren't those three words that every girl wants to hear. Were different ones, that matter more to her than anythung, because right then he managed to found the colours to paint her when the world has left her grey.
With a lock of eyes and a reassuring smile he didn't let no one to step over her, he didn't let others take her down. And if he ever asked her why, from everything that they shared, every hug, every secret, every kiss, why those were her favourite memories, she would look at him and say Because it was in that moment that i realized that i loved you, with body and soul. And after everything they have been through, if he looked at her with those sad eyes and make her tell him why that changed, why everything has changed, why her love has changed, she would lie to him and run away. Her words would leave him speechless and so hurt that he wouldn't had the time at my eyes and see that even when we hide our feelings we forget that our eyes speak. She would run away before he realized what she felt ... She won't let him know that from that warm smile he conquered her heart, that he was the only one that could keep it, because you were the only one i gaved the key . That's what love is, giving the means to break, to someone, and trusting them not to do it. There's a difference between what you want and what you need. Most of time what you trully want is not always what you desperatly need. You want love but you need a heart. Sometimes we choose what we want and loose what we need, and that is the price of life.
But what happens when the person you want is the person you need ?
He will never know that he is the only one she will ever see and pushing you away is slowly killing me .
She will never know that she is the only one he will ever want, and pushing herself from him, makes him think that his love is not correspond.

Ok yh so that's it, really big, some of you might find it boring and really girly but it meant a lot to me to write it and felt good doing it. So know i want you to comment and tell me your opinion and if possible give me advices to improve this. Go follow one of my best friends and the first person who encouraged me to public this xall_of_the_starsx ! She is my personal background designer and i think her job is really good ! Tell me whatever you think!
Xx Mad Mind xX