*Words that i've never told you*

//My... My... My you//

Hello guys ! I'm really sorry for the waiting. I've been really busy with tests and with assignments at school. I haven't even had time to look at myself in the mirror. And I know that those aren't excuses but last week I went really ill and I couldn't even move from bed and I had these horrible headaches but now I'm much better. As soon as I was feeling better I started to write. I'm really sorry and I hope you can forgive me. As christmas holidays are almost there I will make a super effort to update more quicker and more times. This background is amazing and it's thanks to my lovely bitch, she is really good on these stuff, make sure to follow her and I might be thinking on dedicating her a chapter but not this one, this one is dedicated to someone ho represents part of me, although he isn't always with me , I feel like he is ... Okay so this is my first chapter in first person because it is really deep and speaks my heart and I hope you like it ... I guess all my chapters have a moral inside of them, about this one I can only advice you to always tell I LOVE YOU to those who matter the most, make them feel special. There isn't anything better than knowing you matter to someone. And I couldn't not say this to you my readers that even though we are fewer I LOVE each one of you.
Enjoy, fav and comment
Xx MadMind xX

Most of times, words are the best route to explain your feelings, your thoughts, yourself.

Sometimes, I get this huge feeling, that words understand me better than I do myself. But even the most perfect word, can't understand me as good as you do.

You are more than my bestfriend and sometimes, more than my brother, sometimes you just are a part of me.

I look back to all those years that we know each other and I see blank spaces. And that's the truth! There was a time where we didn't talked, we didn't saw each other, we didn't even thought about each other's existence. We drifted apart by chance, but destiny brought us together again.

A long time ago, we were just two kids with common friends and an empty heart. I don't know how or even why, but the world wanted us to be friends, and form the first time i looked into your eyes, i understood why. You might not remember, but I do. Perfectly. Like it was yesterday. From the first time we met, we smiled. Not that cheesy smile, it wasn't romantic in any way, it was completely  the opposite. It was a wicked smile, that only meant one thing ... Trouble. We were the two kids that were made to be friends, because the crazy things in the world, are never accomplished by only one soul.

There are things in the world that even when we try to understand them, we can't. And those things that we cannot understand, represent, by far, the most amazing pleaser in the whole world. Even after, almost 10 years without being with each other, we reunited. And you know what amazed me, the most ? The nothing inside us has changed. Friendship like ours don't vanish.

I've always been a really proud girl, never wanting to admit that i need people around me. But since that day, I no longer could avoid my feelings, because  my heart became full again. Thanks to you. The person I never knew I needed. And from that day on, we never left each other's back. On the beginning it was difficult, because although there were things that remain the same between us, we didn't fully trust each other. How could we? We haven't been together for so long, we couldn't know what has changed. There was trust to rebuilt and memories to make. And of course, as it only was possible, we managed to do that.

From that moment, where we trusted each other and fight for our friendship,  you have been beside me in the best and in the worst moments. You were always there when I cried for help, as I was always right next to you, every time you felt alone.

You were the sweet boy that pretended to be arrogant, so people didn't knew the real you. And in the first moment you hated me or at least , you wanted to hate me. Because, as me , you are also very proud of yourself, a very strong and impenetrable person, and having someone who could figure you out without much effort, made you feel weak. Even if it wasn't for the assumed reasons, you din't want to admit that someone has managed to break the walls that you built around your heart. I know you like few know. I know what I have to say when I have to say it.

You never were really good with words. That's why looks and glances between us always meant so much. A look might be insignificant, but between us, mean the words that we can't say out loud.

And what about me ? I was the insecure girl that always thought she didn't deserve no one's friendship or care. I wasn't the girl who believed in love or lasting happiness , maybe because i couldn't,  just maybe, because the world convinced me that i wasn't allowed to be happy. But then you came, and you changed everything. You thaught me to be proud of myself. And even though I'm still insecure and I still think that I don't deserve your friendship, I don't care anymore. I don't care about that at all, because I need you, I need your strength, you kindness and your heart. Deep down, I always knew that I needed someone who would stick with me, a brother who would protect me, and you were the brother that I've never had.

There were so many laughs, jokes, late talks and huge advices between us. So many holds, cries and hugs. There is a whole world of memories that will forever be remembered. And most importantly, there is still memories that I want to make with you.

I want to meet your girlfriend, your wife and your kids, because I know you won't have only one. You are too kind, too generous and too loving to just have one kid. I know that no matter what others say you will be an amazing father, a father that every children want to have, my best friend.

I want to dress properly for your weeding and be there when you walk into the church. I will be there smiling reassuringly so you don't mess up, I will be looking at you to calm your nerves and surely I will slap you hard if you ever think of running away.

Now that I think about it, there were slaps ... There were slaps, punches, kicks, swears and angry faces. But behind all of that, were the hidden words... "I need you like you need me" ... "I care about you like you do for me"...  For a long time you have fought for me and you showed me that I was worth fighting for. Now I know that I won't gave up on you, simply because I can't. Because loosing you, would mean to loose my best friend, my human diary and my other half.

Looking back , I realize that you thaught me so many things. You made me grow up and be proud of myself, you made me see the good things in life. In the end I guess we grow up thanks to each other, we learnt things from each other. But if you ask me what I learnt of more importance, I would say us. You taught me that "us" is meant to be. We were the broken souls that together made the perfect team. We are the perfect disaster. You are the guy everybody asks if I'm dating and we just look at each other, pitying that people for being so naive , for not being able to see that we are much more than that. Apart we are just two damaged people, but together we are just "us".

You are my older brother, the one who protects me even when I don't need to be protected, makes me smile without even trying and keeps all the boys away because no matter how great they are, they are never enough.

And I am the youngest sister who is always here when you screw up with girls, in both ways, the one who is here to show you that you'll never be alone, that even when you feel that everyone has failed to you, I'll always make sure they suffer, because I have no doubts you would do the same for me.

We aren't together every days, specially on school times, we barely see each other. And that's what our friendship has of amazing. It might go days, weeks or even months without seeing each other, everything might have changed in our lives, but when we are together again, nothing change, we are still the same persons, we still care about each other and we still trust in each other. We know that no matter long we've been apart we will always believe in each other.

We complete each other as only family can. You are the brother from a different mom because us being brother and sister from the same mum would mean chaos.

After all this time, you showed me something that most of people never get to understand. Ene when I am a mess you are here holding my hand and lifting my head up, not letting the world drag me down and are in those moments that I know that best friends love you when you aren't very lovable

I never wanted to admit but since that day you were my anchor ... My strength ... My you ...