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Every Science Fiction Story Ever Written

"It was 2152, and human beings were only just starting to build a colony on Mars when we discovered it, the artifact. The artifact was enough to advance human technology by a thousand years, giving us the first faster than light travel. And by human technology... I really just mean the faster than light travel. Medicine, biology, ecology, resource collection, renewable energy... that all still sucks balls."

"Teacher... why did the ancient alien civilization who suddenly mysteriously died out 20,000 years ago leave a random artifact on Mars, but not Earth? And why did that artifact conveniently contain just enough information to help us build Faster than Light FTL, but nothing else?"

"Oh... science... reasons..."

"Plot convenience?"

"Of course, that too. You see, once we built FTL drives, we began to explore the galaxy. We still hope we can find another artifact from the ancients that we think will jump our technology forward another thousand years for some reason, because that's how reverse engineering works. But it'll probably be a weapon, because us space-faring civilizations only really care about weapons in the future, and that's really the only technology that counts."

"Well, of course," another student interrupts, "We're weary since the first contact war."

"Teacher, that one always confused me too. Why did human beings evolve to the point that we put behind our petty differences, stopped all war, and united as a single species... but then fought the very first species we ran into?"

"You wonder that?" Another student broke in, "I wonder why the human race spontaneously all decided to have the same culture, speak English, and look white."

"Class... class... calm down. Of course, we all know about the first contact war against the oddly human looking blue aliens. They had practically wiped out the human race only 20 years ago, yet for some reason humans have completely recovered from an almost apocalyptic war on a galactic scale in only one generation. It was a good thing they mysteriously decided to stop fighting us and make peace. Of course, now we've found hundreds of alien species out there and made peace with all of them. They each have their own unique and fascinating homologous cultures, like the aliens that are all honorable warriors, the aliens that like money above everything, and of course the racist stereotype aliens."

"But what were the aliens like in the past?" One student asked.

"Of course, the Ancients were one of only two space-faring alien species that existed back in the past. However, very little is known about the other alien species. Some think they disappeared at the same time as the Ancients. Others think they may have caused the Ancients demise before fleeing to distant space. The only thing known about these mysterious aliens is their name, Evil Murder Kill Stabby Monsters."

"It sounds like with that name they wiped out the Ancients and will one day return and wipe out all sentient life again."

"Who could say? One thing is for certain, the Ancients all looked like humans, but the Evil Murder Kill Stabby Monsters looked inhuman, which makes them bad, and the Ancients good. Keep this in mind for the future, it'll be important. Ancients Good, Evil Murder Monsters Bad."

"I'm more interested in why modern aliens all have our similar values and appearance?" Another student spoke up.

"Yes, of course. While the blue aliens for some reason have repressed emotions and long lives, seeing humans as excitable... we did find out that we totally can mate with them, and despite evolving on completely different planets that make it mind-bogglingly incredible that we even developed the genitalia that fit together, we're capable of breeding and creating half-human, half-blue aliens. In fact, we have a half-breed in this very class."