love came calling, twice // olly murs

10.

Olly Murs had become an enigma. She had hated him for three years without any real reason and sitting across from him now, she realized this. She realized she didn't know him at all. She didn't know what his childhood was like, nor did she know where he went to school or what he studied. She never knew his interests and she never knew the minutiae, things like his favourite colour or first smoochie. She had never bothered.

Why she should have? He didn't want anything to do with her, he made that clear. Hadn't he? She scanned her mind, trying desperately to find a time in which he had hissed that he hated her, just as she had said to him so many times. Nothing came to mind.

As if reading her thoughts, he glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. "I never hated you, you know."

Scoffing, Amelia rested her head on the table, the wood cool against her cheek. "You had a funny way of showing it." Even if he had never said the words, they were implied time and time again. She had lost count of how many times he had called her a twat.

"I know," Olly said, "I was just...I was so frustrated."

"Why?" she asked, closing her eyes.

"I was frustrated because I hated Tom," Olly answered honestly and her eyes shot open. "Since we went to that stupid dinner, I hated him. I hated that he was such a bastard and complete twat. What he did was inexcusable."

He sighed heavily. "And you...I thought you forgave him. I thought you just forgave his stupid actions and took him back. To me, that was almost as bad as what he had done. So, in turn, I said some things that weren't so nice to you."

Amelia yawned, feeling the tears prick at her eyelids again. "That's a stupid reason."

Olly shrugged. "I didn't know how else to act around you. I guess...I felt you deserved better than some son of a bitch who didn't care about you." He swallowed. "You still deserve better."

Here he was, this man she knew nothing about, whom she had been so angry at only hours before and she felt guilty. Shouldn't the roles be reversed? Shouldn't he be feeling irrevocably horrible for his actions against her? His reasoning for never telling her the truth? But the dark circles under his eyes told her that he did and she felt even more wretched. What would she be like if she was sitting in his chair and he in hers? Could she be good enough to feel remorseful? Or would she have been vindictive just to get him back for all those times he'd called her a bitch? When she realized she couldn't answer that question truthfully, her stomach dropped. There was a reason Tom had gone to Shannon. Amelia wasn't just enough; she wasn't good, either.

"Yeah, well," Amelia said, feeling the tears run across her face; over her nose and onto the table's surface. "Maybe I got what I deserved. I haven't exactly been the best person in a long time." Or ever, she added mentally.

Olly shook his head. "No one deserves that."

"I'm sorry for what I said last night," Amelia said suddenly, shifting so her forehead was pressed against the table, her hair fanning around her. "I know it wasn't intentional. I was just so angry. I am just so angry." She felt her frame begin to tremble as the tears rolled down her face freely.

"I didn't tell you," Olly said quietly, fidgeting with his thumbs. "I deserved every mean word in response."

"I'm sorry I slapped you," she choked out, "Oh my god, I'm such a bitch. I wasn't angry at you, I was angry at him. Oh god, I slapped you twice."

Olly bit his lip. "That's okay, I deserved it, I-" He glanced up and paused, seeing the top of her head and nothing else, her shoulders shaking. "Are you crying?"

"No," came the muffled response and Olly felt his heartbeat pick up at the sound of her voice.

"Hey, hey," he said softly, scooting his chair closer to hers. He placed his hand on her shoulder and shook her slightly. "Look at me."