Killer

Chapter 8

FLASHBACK - If it doesn't seem very detailed, it's because it's supposed to be like Rachel is going through her memories in fragments. Some aren't as important as others, some she can't remember all of. Some are short and just brought back to give you a better idea of what's going on. So keep that in mind when you read. Her past is supposed to be vague.

I stole out of the guy's room I was in - Daniel, I think his name was - barely clothed and trying to make it to my own room, which unfortunately was on the other end of the hall. I sighed in relief when I made it without a guard catching me, though it's happened before and I've been able to "talk" my way out of trouble every time. 

But there was someone else waiting for me when I got into our room that I held absolutely no control over.

Emily.

It's funny; this innocent, childlike girl that I'd met just over three months ago now treated me like the child. 

"Rach, that's like the fourth time this week, and it's only Thursday." She didn't sound angry this time, only worried. The first few times I'd spent my night out sleeping with different guys, she didn't say anything. Then, after that, she started to get angry. Angry that I was throwing myself out there like that. One night, she got so impossibly angry for Emily and called me a whore, but she regretted it and immediately took it back. But now, after I'd done it almost every night this week and last, I could tell she was starting to see that something was wrong. 

"I'm fine, Emily," I said, brushing her off and laying back on the bed, exhausted. 

"Liar," she called me out, dragging me off the bed and onto the floor. "Tell me what's wrong. I've got a pretty good guess, though."

"Fine, okay. I just...I can't stop thinking about Alex."

His name brought butterflies to my stomach and it annoyed the shit out of me. I loved the way he only let me give him a nickname, when not even his own brother did. I loved the way he smiled at me, tried to joke around with me. I loved the way he blushed when I'd laugh or respond to something he said. And it was like someone lit me on fire when our skin accidentally brushed against each other's. I don't know why I loved him, I just did.

Holy shit. I love him. 

"What?" came Emily's voice, breaking me out of my thoughts. I took me a moment to realize I said all of that out loud. She was smiling at me, a weird, creepy smile that she couldn't seem to stop. She started squealing and jumping up and down, repeating that she knew it over and over again. And then all of a sudden she hushed and started glaring at me. 

"So your response to finding out you're in love with Alexander is by sleeping with every other guy in this program?"

I buried my face in my hands and nodded. "But it's not just because of that. I knew that I liked him, so I freaked out, because I just kept thinking that he wouldn't want me, so I-"

Emily shrieked in horror and anger and...jealousy?. "You slept with Mason, didn't you?"

I felt tears prick my eyes as I nodded. When I realized that my feelings for Alex went a little deeper than friendship, I went to Mason that night. My heart meant to talk to him about how I felt about Alex, but my mind wasn't having it. My mind didn't want to admit that I could be attached to someone like that, so she wanted to ruin that attachment, yet it still hasn't worked. 

"You have to tell Alex how you feel." Her tone was finalized, demanding. I shook my head quickly. I couldn't. Rejection was what I feared more than anything, and I knew that's what would come of me confessing to Alex that I was in love with him.