| | 8:05 a.m. | |
Jake:
MIA!! I NEED YOUR HELP PRINCESS!!!
Jake:
I know it's a saturday, babe. But please wake up cuz i really REALLY need your help! I'm calling in my favor.
Me:
This better be good, Jake.
Jake:
Oh, thank goodness. I promise it's a good reason.
Jake:
My foster mom is turning 58...i dunno what to get her.
Jake:
HER BIRTH DAY'S TOMORROW, MIA. AND I'M FREAKING OUT!!! MY BUDDIES ARE OF NO HELP!!! MY SISTER HAD ABANDONED ME!! YOU'RE MY LAST HOPE, MIA!!!!
Jake:
Please tell me you'll help me, please??
Jake:
My ice princess??
Jake:
My ice queen??
Jake:
Has thou abandoned me as well??
Jake:
WHY HAST THOU ABANDONED MEEE???!!!
Me:
Ohmigosh, chill!! I was just getting coffee, dingus.
Jake:
Claaaaaaaare~ (ToT) i dunno what to do...
Me:
Well what does she like?
Jake:
Anything...
Me:
You're kidding...right?
Jake:
No...i could literally give her a bag of dirt and she'll cry tears of joy.
Me:
Well...shit...i dunno either Jake. Why don't you just give her the bag of dirt then?
Jake:
Not now, Clare.
Me:
Sorry.
Jake:
Ah, fuck it! I'm coming over, and we're going to get the greatest foster mom to ever live, the best damn birthday present she'll ever get in her entire life!!!
Me:
I'm sorry...what??
Me:
Jake...are you for real??
Me:
Dude, that's almost five hours of driving.
Me:
JAKE???!!!
* * *
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Midnight Messages
Short StoryUnknown Number: I buried the body. What now? Me: Umm...what? Unknown Number: Ah shit. Sorry, wrong number! Could you like...delete that message? Me: Will the police be able to track it back to me if i don't? Unknown Number: ...yes. Me: Ok. Dele...
