Life's a Bitch

Chapter Eleven

"I wanna give you something," he spoke softly against my skin. I looked at him.

"What is it?" I asked. He then got up off the bed and went to his drawers. He opened up the third one and began going through it, until he retrieved a medium sized rectangle shaped jewellery box. He approached the bed again and removed the jewellery from its box and held it before me. It was a lovely silver bracelet with the diamond pendant reading 'Hermoso' in beautiful coercive. I scrutinised it in awe and beamed at him.

"It's really nice," I said. He smiled and reached around me and clipped it together and let it hang around my neck. I stroked it and then looked at him. "You really didn't have to." I muttered.

"I wanted to hermoso," he smiled gently.

"What does hermoso mean anyway?"

"It means 'beautiful' in Spanish. That's what you are,"...


That's what I am.

My heart became weak with every stride I took towards Ajay's home. The cold air whipped against my skin, creating numerous goose-bumps to form over the surfaces of my arms. I cursed myself mentally, questioning why I never thought to drag a coat outside along with me. My body shivered on its own accord as I crossed the road. It was evening, and I regretted ever leaving my home in such a state. I had already cried (in intervals) after receiving the note from Ajay. I had no idea how to react at the time; all I could do was feel numb and quite perturbed. Was it all a silly ruse to cause me to feel sympathy? Was this merely just deception? Or had he actually meant what he said... he can't possibly leave for good. How dare he even consider it. Luckily I was meddlesome enough to attempt to find out if this were true. Pretty soon, all of these questions will be answered. I refuse to believe the fact that my first ever love can simply elope to another country in the blink of an eye. No way.

I eventually came across Ajay's home, and peered up at the welcoming building that emitted nothing but peace and unity. I took a deep inward breath before stepping closer and ringing the doorbell. It chimed through the house merrily; I bit my lip in anticipation. Please Ajay, just answer the door. Please. My face dropped in disappointment as I came face to face with his mother instead. Suddenly the exceeded hope within me died inside - so much for wishful thinking. She saw it was me and flashed a polite smile.

"Kimberly," she beamed in a friendly tone, "nice to see you darling." I returned the smile half-heartedly as I began to dread the worst.

"Hello, is erm... is Alejandro around?" Her lips twitched in an unpleased manner.

"I thought you'd be the first to know, he's gone to stay with his uncle in Spain for a while." A lump formed in my throat immediately. My mouth then became dry, and my heart ached.

"How... how long is a while?" I asked feebly.

"A few months... are you okay?" Once again I tried to swallow, yet the lump got in the way. My body became limp with angst and my stomach churned in revulsion. The saliva in my mouth turned bitter, and all I could think about was the betrayal and hurt I have endured.

"Yes, I'm fine," I answered quietly, "erm? I must go." Before she could even utter a reply, I swivelled on my heel and walked off past the gate. My head throbbed viciously along with my dying heart. I was hoping this were all a lie, I pleaded to God and actually believed that he could spare me the affliction and misery. Maybe if this were all a sick dream then I could sigh in relief, but it's evident that the Lord above was toying with my emotions, and also my life. It was as if I were a voodoo doll; simply punished endlessly by him and the public, although I have done nothing wrong. He continued to plunge a stake at the chest area of this identical doll, so that only my heart would feel all of the pain. I trotted along the pavement with a sour face and a firm set of lips. I've spent so many years of my life recovering from the loss of my parents, now it seemed that I would now have to do the exact same for the loss of Ajay. I promised myself that I wouldn't cry, not again. Too many tears have left these tear ducts and I was sick of it. Same old routine, same problems. I sighed in defeat as a single tear rolled down my cheek in despair as I grasped Ajay?s note firmly in my palm.


I eyed the clock impatiently, wondering how much longer I would have to endure this terrible 'family meal' at the dinner table. The atmosphere was so tense as no-one spoke. Our usual excited chatter was replaced, and substituted for the clinking of plates and scraping of cutlery. Everyone ate and digested their food in silence, apart from me. I decided life would be simpler if I were to prod at the chicken with my fork instead. I suppose I could be a rebel for one day, and go against all rules of eating. I weren't really hungry nonetheless. Renae sighed loudly, stabbing the pea with her fork in order to get a reaction, yet no-one gave the slightest response. Even though I weren't watching her, I could see her actions via my peripheral vision. Nae then used her knife to separate the basmati rice from her vegetables, as if she were parting the red sea. She was clearly bored and irritated by the silent dinner. She grumbled something inaudible, then tutted when she didn't receive a response for the second time.

"Guyssssss. I hate silence!" Everyone turned to her with blank facial expressions. Still, no-one responded.

"Eat your food Renae," Aunt Cath ordered. She rolled her eyes and continued to play around with her food as she mumbled under her breath.

"I bet my friends are out having fun, I'm stuck here in a room-full of zombies," I heard the brief tut that escaped Taylor's mouth. She was still angered by the fact that she had been grounded by Aunt Cath. She didn't seem to comprehend that the world was dangerous as soon as you step past the front door. There will forever be predators and delinquent's running around, looking for someone to tormen. Marik was the perfect example, yet Taylor never understood this. I swallowed hard and placed my fork down. I began to worry about the fate of this family and what else was in store for us. No doubt this could only possibly get worse. I would always sit on my bed and peer at the wall absentmindedly; contemplating on whether we should move houses or not. This was all Dean's fault nonetheless, but it was as if he didn't care. Each family member has experienced some form of trauma but it's okay, just as long as he gets his bloody marijuana and alcohol, then life is good.

Imbecile.

Aunt Cath eyed me suspiciously, she then cleared her throat.

"Not hungry Kim?" She asked. I stared at the food on my plate, which had remained completely untouched and was probably cold by now. I slowly shook my head in response. My negative feedback left her suspicious, "are you alright?"

"Yes."

"I will send for Beatrice to save it for you, and you can eat it later on, alright?" I gave a slight nod and Beatrice was called down in an instant. She entered the dining room looking cheerful, but her face soon dropped when she noticed the tense atmosphere. She greeted us quietly and picked up my plate, along with everyone else's. She saw Taylor's irritated expression and rubbed her shoulder.

"My dear, fix your face. You know what happens when the wind blows eh?" Taylor kissed her teeth and stood up before leaving the room. A few seconds later the silence was awakened by a loud slam of the door upstairs. We all turned to Beatrice, who appeared confused.

"Was it something I said?" Aunt Cath shook her head and wiped her hands on the napkin.

"No, she's just being silly. She can stay up there." Beatrice nodded and left the room. Aunt Cath sighed and ran her hand over her hair in distress. "That girl," she muttered.

"Aye mum; Kelly will be here soon, around 7. That cool yeah?" Dean asked. Aunt Cath smiled gently.

"Of course, you know she's always welcome in our home." His smile widened.

"She's expecting, on Sunday." He announced, referring to the unborn child he had impregnated her with. Aunt Catherine beamed in delight.

"Wonderful, I can't wait to see my grandson. Thought of any names?" Renae had perked up by now.

"Name him Paul! Or Pocoyo!" Dean laughed as she remained straight-faced. For the first time in a long while, Renae was being serious. Even I couldn't help but release a light chuckle; she really does know how to make me smile - without even trying.

"I'll think about it," he replied. She squealed in excitement and ran out of the room. I left Dean and Aunt Cath to discuss things in peace and travelled up the steps, back to my sanctuary. I closed the door quietly behind me and went straight to bed. As I lay there underneath the covers I couldn't help but allow my mind to wander. It was quite a pain really, allowing myself to get caught up in a manner such as this. My eyes began to flutter as my eye-lids became weightier. I soon felt tired and decided to shut my eyes and the tired feeling enclosed me.


"Whats her name?" Taylor asked me as I showed her my most bestest doll. I pulled the strappy things from the pink buggy and took out the baby then held her in my arms. She was so cold, and had a plastic face, I loved my doll.

"Baby Annabell." I answered. Taylor touched her face and giggled.

"She's cold and hard." I sat down on her bed and laid Annabell next to me.

"That's cos the stork dropped her off from a cold place, she needs to be warm." I explained. Taylor was too little to know about babies, I had to tell her everything. She nodded and sat next to me.

"Ohhhhh. So when she's warm will she change colour?" I shook my head.

"Nooo. She will stay this way."

"But she's not our colour." I rolled my eyes and breathed real heavy like.

"I abdobted her, so she will never look like us." Her mouth opened wide and she covered it in shock.

"Wow! Hello Annabell," she touched her face again, Annabell started crying real loud. I held her in my arms and patted her back softly, she carried on crying for a very long time, then Taylor gave me her bottle of milk. "Feed her," she said. I put the bottle to Baby Annabell's mouth and she started making funny sucking noises. Me and Taylor laughed as she drank the whole thing down like a greedy little baby. When she was done she burped, we laughed again.

"She didn't say pardon," I said. Taylor smiled.

"Can I hold her?" She asked. I nodded and gave her Baby Annabell. She rocked her in her arms and whispered things to her to help her to fall asleep. She made little noises and her eyes started closing. I looked at her eyes and she was now fast asleep. Taylor was very good with Baby Annabell, it made me smile. She turned to look at me. "I did it!" She said. I put my finger to my lips.

"Shhhhhh, don't wake her." I said. She nodded and rocked her some more.

"I wish I had a little brother or sister." She said quietly. I shrugged.

"Maybe your mum will have more babies." The door then opened, mummy came through the door with a smile on her face.

"Time to go Kim, get your things." I nodded and Taylor gave Baby Annabell to me. I put her back into her buggy and put my coat and shoes on. I said bye to Taylor, Dean, Aunty Catherine and Uncle John, then we left in daddy's car. I sat at the back with Baby Annabell and looked out the window. Mummy and daddy was talking about grown up stuff, but I didn't want to listen - not after that argument they had before. Baby Annabell was still sleeping. I smiled and rubbed her face, she was a good baby, I would make a good older sister, and with another baby on the way, I couldn't wait!

"Mummy." I said over the radio music. She looked back at me.

"Yes dear?"

"When will baby be born?" Daddy laughed.

"Mummy's only 4 months gone Kimberly." He said. I was confused.

"So baby will come in 4 months?" They both laughed at me, I didn't understand.

"No Kim, baby will come in 5 months." Mummy said. I was still confused.

"Oh!" I smiled and clapped my hands. Daddy looked at me through the mirror and laughed again.

"She can't wait to be a big sister you know." He said to mummy, she nodded.

"I can tell." He smiled and they held hands.

"The stork should come now so I can see my little brother or sister real early." I mumbled. Both mummy and daddy burst out laughing. I don't know why, but it made me laugh too. I just couldn't wait to have another person to play with! I smiled all the way home...


I shuffled around during my sleep as I felt highly uncomfortable, causing me to open my eyes. I huffed in mild frustration and turned over onto my left side in order to resume sleep. I despised whenever my flash-backs were interrupted by something foolish. I jumped, startled at the sight of Derrell stood at the edge of my bed, peering down at me with the straightest face imaginable. He smiled, aware that he had frightened me, and then bent himself down so that we were at eye-level.

"Sleepy-head." He said quietly. I watched him curiously.

"What is it Derrell?"

"Someone's here for you." He informed. My eyes became bulbous at the sudden possibilities of who could be at the front door. I was hopeful enough to believe that it could only be one person, the person who I would die for just to see again for one last time. Swinging my legs over onto the edge of my mattress, I hopped up excitedly and rushed out of the room. The idea of gravity became evasive to me as I literally flew down the flight of many stairs in a bustle to answer the door. Without hesitation I opened the door with the widest grin on my face, only to frown in slight disappointment when Simone's eyes connected with mine.

So much for hope.

I disguised my disappointment with a weak smile and rested my head on the door in defeat.

"Hello," the raspy voice escaped my lips unexpectedly. Simone's eyebrow rose.

"Sore throat?" She questioned. I shook my head and cleared my throat thoroughly, then opened the door wide enough for her to enter.

"Come in." I invited. She smiled and stepped inside the house. Beatrice stood by the stairs with her favourite cloth displayed over her shoulder. She nodded a pleasant greeting towards Simone, and then offered to take her coat - to which Simone complied. I led her upstairs to my room and closed the door, breathing heavily in the process. Simone noticed the untidy state of my bed, as I had just woken up, but simply shrugged and took a seat regardless.

"Did I disturb your nap?" She asked. I sat on the computer chair and scratched my head, releasing a light chuckle.

"I wasn't really meant to be sleeping anyway." She laughed.

"Surprised you ain't got your head in the books. Are you ill or something?" I shook my head.

"I'm quite alright, just feeling drowsy." She rubbed her chin.

"Period," she stated. I shrugged and she opened her bag, "anyway I just came back from meeting someone with Andrea, thought I'd stop by." She delved into her bag and retrieved a pack of gum. She popped one into her mouth then extended her hand toward me, "want one?" I shook my head then she placed it back in her bag.

"Who did you and Andrea go to meet?" I asked in curiosity. She rolled her eyes and laid back on my bed, given by her sudden change of emotion, I could tell this is going to be a long story. I braced myself as she took a deep breath.

"You know how Andrea gets drawn in too quick when it comes to man," I gave a brief nod, "she got a friend request from some guy on Facebook a few weeks ago, and they've been talking since then. She went to meet him today and I went with her."

"It has only been a few weeks." I stated with a disappointed frown. She nodded.

"I know, but she loves him off already. Can't even remember his name but he's fucking huge. He doesn't even look our age. Probably in his 20's or 30's." I became still as the realisation struck me.

"20's or 30's..." I repeated distantly.

"She went off with him somewhere but I decided to come and see you instead." I scratched my head, confused.

"So this supposedly older man, what was his appearance like?" She shrugged.

"I dunno how I can describe him. He was decent, but looked dangerous. I didn't really trust him." I ran my hands over my hair and began to dread the worst.

"Do you know where they went?" I enquired. She shrugged and shook her head. I stared ahead as I pondered deeply. What if it weren't just any other boy, perhaps it was Marik. He'll do anything to get closer to me, as he was still after this family until Dean can pay the money back. How would he know who my friends were? My heart thumped viciously, echoing in ears and shattering my chest. I hastily sprang up and grasped my phone off the side. With shaky hands and clammy palms I dialled Andrea's number, still in great fear of what the outcome may be. She eventually answered, with traffic in the background.

Andrea: "Kim?"

Me: "Hello, just checking up on you." She laughed.

Andrea: "Why would I need checking up on?"

Me: "Well, it has been a while since we've spoken."

Andrea: "True. You alright?"

Me: "Yes, I'm... splendid. How about you?"

Andrea: "I'm cool, just out with this boy." I sat down beside Simone and turned the phone onto loud speaker, ensuring that she could hear the conversation.

Me: "What boy?"

Andrea: "Met him off of Facebook. He's really sweet to me, better than all the rest of them to be honest." Simone tutted.

Me: "That's what you said the last time, An." I countered.

Andrea: "I mean it this time. He's taking me out to eat." She squealed into the phone and I sighed.

Me: "What does this one look like?" I questioned. Usually I weren't the slightest bit interested, but I did need some form of information out of her in order to confirm my suspicions.

Andrea: "Well he's tall, quite muscly, thickish beard, nice smile, blue eyes." I paused.

Me: "Wait a second, blue eyes?" She laughed.

Andrea: "Well yeah, he's white." A great sigh of relief took the weight of my chest. Just then, I had never felt so alleviated.

Me: "Okay, well remember you are only 16 so do not do anything you will regret."

Andrea: "Yes mum. I'm going now."

Me: "Alright, have fun." She hung up and I put the phone down. I turned to Simone, who was already giving me a knowing look. "He's white?" I questioned. She nodded slowly.

"I was shocked aswell. Maybe she was sick of being treated like shit by black boys." I shrugged.

"Perhaps." Atleast she weren't in any type of danger, as it weren't Marik. Despite the fact that I was relieved, I couldn't help but feel a tinge of envy towards Andrea. She was awfully pretty, in fact - stunning. She could literally have any boy she wanted they would fall at her feet and adhere to her every wish and command. She had grown accustomed to the male attention, and would sometimes take advantage of them. Now here she was again, with yet another boy, while I'm stuck at home wondering what happened to the only boy that ever liked me. I was only Kim, boring old Kim. What other chance do I have at meeting a boy again? Ajay hurt me deeply, but I could never stay mad at him for a long period of time. I needed him back, badly. Simone noticed my facial expression and arched her brow.

"Something's wrong with you, I can tell. Don't tell me that it's nothing." I gave a light shrug.

"Just have quite a few things on my mind, is all." She crossed her legs and faced me.

"Things like what?" I took a deep inward breath and decided to tell her about Ajay, and how he decided to elope to Spain for a while. I didn't bother to explain the reasons why, that sort of thing should never be revealed, not to Simone anyway. Once I was done she sat there with a shocked expression displayed on her face. "Have u tried calling him?" She questioned. I shook my head.

"No."

"Well don't you think you should?" She rolled her eyes.

"I don?t have an international card." I thought mentally about the possibilities. What if I were to actually call him. Would it work? Would he even answer, or just busy the call? Either way, it was inevitable that I would never see him again. I sighed deeply, thinking of how bad this situation had become. Simone then began to comfort me; she held onto my shoulder and gave it a gentle, considerate rub.

"It's gonna be okay Kim. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be."

"But his last memory of me will live on forever; I was so mean to him."

"How come?" I slowly shook my head, dismissing my last statement.

"I can't really go into details, but he betrayed me, so I ignored him for days."

"Well he betrayed you; did he expect you to be happy about it?"

"I suppose not." She cooed.

"This will all blow over soon. He's somewhere else now; soon you'll accept this and move on." I nodded.

"I hope so." And I did. I sure do wish she turns out to be right. I'd hate to be stuck in this rut for much longer, it was actually unbearable. After a long while Simone left, leaving me with no choice but to get back into bed, underneath the covers. Simone's words remained embedded in my brain; it was the only thing on my mind. I was having trouble with being optimistic; it seemed as if my life would forever be cynical from here on. Soon I would accept this and move on...

Soon I would accept.

Soon I'd move on.

But when?

I lay on my back and closed my eyes, thinking of the wonderful times both Ajay and I shared. So many memories, all due to wither away in a short period of time. I felt the salty tears begin to well up, but remained perfectly still. I suppose all I could do now was lay here and... think.

Soon, I will move on.

- - - - - - - - -

Bless ya Kim :L
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