A Guide to Eating Disorders

When Recovery Seems Like A Lifetime Away.

For us neurodivergents, the concept of recovering seems to be made of gossamer, it is something incredibly difficult to grasp. The root of the problem is that we want to get better, to change our irrational and destructive thought patterns, but we fear change. We are scared of starting the process, of surviving the process and ultimately we fear that this magical rainbow land of recovery may not be all it's cut out to be.

And that's okay - it's okay to be scared. Fear is a natural response to the unknown. What is not okay is allowing that fear to consume you and prevent you from moving forwards. What I like to think is that change wants us to be scared of it - because it knows that we have the potential to be so strong and do amazing things. I reckon it is worth our while to remember that and reflect upon it on a bad day.

It is important to point out that recovery is not a simple process, a smooth path. There is no light at the end of the tunnel, no eureka moment where you suddenly become indestructible. You will have bad days, relapses, days where you question your ability to go on - and this is all completely natural. It does not make you a failure or mean you are beyond help: all it means is that you are human. Equally, you will have the days where things seem good and you feel like you can do this - and you know what? You will. Maybe you'll do it slowly or in fear, but the important thing is that you will do it, and you won't be alone. Just the amount of support this project has got shows how many people are seeking out help and how much it means to them that they can be helped - and although we are all on different parts of the journey, we can all travel together, supporting and picking each other up when one of us falls or perhaps starts going the wrong way {Or if you're anything like me and have virtually no sense of direction, it will be best to hold onto someone's hand and get there safely}.

The only way you can instigate recovery is by admitting that you are struggling and admitting it to yourself is the hardest part. Dissecting your weaknesses and vulnerabilities is an extremely hard and difficult thing to do and no doubt leaves you feeling exposed and open to attack, but although it feels bad, it is actually a very strong thing to do - no weak person would be able to do that; they would attempt to ignore the problem. If you are reading this, you are a very strong person.

The next step would be to confide in someone you trust, be it be a friend, family member, teacher or a professional. I know from experience that talking about things is pretty damn hard, but that's the thing - you don't have to talk: send a message, write a letter, just let someone know what you are going through. Don't invalidate your suffering: just because it is a self-diagnosis or you have an unsupportive family/friend network or you don't fit the stereotype does not mean that you do not need help. Love and care should not be prejudiced.

If you do feel like it is not safe for you to ask for help from people you know, for whatever reason, our side of the internet is always open for help, advice and comfort. You are not alone in this. You are not alone.

In regards to ED's in particular, recovery is a slippery slope, largely because food is such a central part to people's lives: everyone seems to plan their day around their meals, we are bombarded with adverts, and other media concerning food. This can be incredibly uncomfortable and triggering for someone with an eating disorder, to be constantly surrounded bombarded with potential triggers, things that you associate with guilt, pain and fear. This is why it is important to speak out, to create a safe space for yourself and to let other people know your limitations as you recover. Another complication is the reasons for disordered behavior concerning food - many people blame the media for promoting unrealistic body weight goals and making people feel like the have to conform to them, but an ED can also arise as a way to self-harm, to punish or give a feeling of control. These are obviously complex matters and need to be addressed appropriately and can only be done with a trusting support network - and also effort on your behalf. You must actively avoid triggers - I visited some pro-Ana/Mia pages on various social media a few days ago, as "research" to write this post. I went in feeling fairly stable and not thinking about my relationship with food at all. I was expecting bad things, but I didn't get them - what I saw was much worse and most definitely triggering, even though I approached the issue rationally. Please be careful.

Perhaps recovery is somewhat overrated - many a neurodivergent expects unlimited happiness, no more negativity, but this couldn't be further from the truth. Life is a continuous struggle, even for neurotypicals and the concept of recovery is not some final destination of enlightenment or something, it is the ability to adapt and move with the tide, one wave at a time.

You can get better and even Better with a capital B. Recovery starts here. Good Luck!

- thefineideayoucrave