Behind The Lies (Alex Gaskarth)

Chapter 4

Alex's POV

We were finally back home. And when i say back home, i mean back on the bus. The thing is, the boys just wouldn't leave me alone! Wherever i was, someone was always there with me whether it be Jack, Zach or Rian.

Ever since i tried to kill myself, i can't get any time to myself. It's understandable, i know, considering the circumstances but all i want is some alone time.

I've been craving the blade almost 24/7. It's like it's almost calling out to me taunting me. The boys found all my blades and flushed them, along with removing every sharp object from the bus. It's like they've baby proofed it. And that's how i feel. They're always there, hanging around, treating me like a kid. Like i can't do anything for myself anymore and i hate it.

All the guys have left the room. It was only for a minute and i knew i had a limited amount of time. Quickly, i darted to the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I looked at the floor-length mirror in front of me.

I looked even fatter than i did before i went into the hospital. I looked obese. Immediately i pulled out my scales. 135lbs. It had gone up. Before they pumped me with the poisonous liquid nutrients, i weighed 126lbs. I still looked disgusting then. 100lbs was my goal and now i'd gained 9 more! 

Just the thought of it made me feel sick. I felt the bile rise in my throat. I yanked the toilet seat up and felt it travel up my throat and into my mouth, burning as it went. I chucked up all my guts until i was retching and gagging for breath. I had emptied the entire contents of my stomach.  

I collapsed on the floor next to the toilet, feeling even more physically and mentally drained than usual. 

I heard loud footsteps and then all three guys pounding on the door.

"Alex open up now!"

"Don't make me kick down this door again! You know i will!"

I knew that there was no point arguing with them so i sat up and reached for the door, unlocking it in one swift moment, before collapsing to the floor once again.

All the guys burst in, their eyes darting to every corner of the room. Rian bent down next to me and violently ripped my sleeves up, obviously checking for new cuts. Of course, they wouldn't be able to find anything because they wouldn't let me out of their sight, i wouldn't have had the chance.

They all sighed in relief, but i could still see the anger in their eyes. "Alex, why were you throwing up?" Rian asked, glaring at me.

I rolled my eyes at him before standing up and exiting the bathroom. All the guys following me.

"Don't roll your eyes at me Alex!" Rian growled "Why-were-you-throwing-up" He said, pronouncing each word.

" I didn't do it on purpose alright!" I screamed, "I took one look at my disgusting, fat body in the mirror and instantly threw up! Are you happy now?"

Rian had a look of concern but also sympathy on his face. 

"Have you been eating?" Rian asked

"Do you want any food?" said Jack

"When was the last time you ate?" questioned Zach.

All their questions were swimming through my brain, making me go crazy. My thoughts were so loud that i just couldn't hear anything. They were driving me insane.

"Alex, tell us what's happening?"

Finally, i snapped. "CAN YOU GUYS JUST LAY OFF ME FOR A SECOND! EVER SINCE WE CAME BACK FROM THE HOSPITAL YOU ARE TREATING ME LIKE A LITTLE KID! YOU SAY YOU'RE TRYING TO HELP ME GET BETTER BUT AT THE MOMENT YOU'RE MAKING THINGS 10X WORSE FOR ME!"

All the guys looked dumbfounded but soon Rian's expression turned dark and angry. "YOU THINK YOU'RE HAVING A HARD TIME ALEX! IMAGINE SEEING ME LYING THERE ALMOST DEAD AND NOT KNOWING IF I WAS GOING TO MAKE IT!" 

I growled "YOU'RE MAKING MY LIFE A LIVING HELL! YOU'RE SMOTHERING ME AND I CANT TAKE IT! PLEASE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Fine. If that's what you want." Rian replied coldly "we won't bother you. You want space. You've got space" Then they all left the bus.

The silence was comforting. Like a thick blanket, surrounding me, protecting me from all the evil in the world. I had room to think, room to breathe. They were making it hard for me. 

Finally, they had left me alone.

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Hey guys! Please comment on this story and tell me what you think! What do you think is going to happen next? 

xoxo