Free Now (Our Anthem Sequel)

Cynical Skin

Iris’ PoV---

5 months later

       “Kellin, look at how cute this one is!” I exclaimed as I held up a little baby outfit to show Kellin. Currently, Kellin, his mom, and I were baby shopping at the local Babies R us now that I’m officially 6 months pregnant.

               “Looks great” He smiled as he gave me a hug from behind, snaking his arms around my waist and setting his head on the top of my shoulder. I looked over at him and softly smiled then kissed him on the forehead. For the last five months Kellin and I couldn’t have asked to be any happier. It seemed like life was perfect, even the pregnancy was going quite smoothly minus a few small things.

    “Now we might just need to find your mom.” I laughed as we and Kellin started to walk with armfuls of baby girl clothes. We somehow managed to lose her within the first 5 minutes of shopping. It didn’t take too long to find her though, we found her near the crib section. Luckily she had a cart so we were able to dump all the stuff we got and were ready to go. We ordered a crib online so we didn’t need one now, really the only thing we needed was like baby toys and clothes. So, check.

We paid for everything and were now in the car on the way home. Through the past months Kellin and I made a big decision to move out of are small apartment and into a bigger house. I made sure it was a good neighborhood for Audrey and they had a good school when she’s older. It wasn’t very far from the apartment, maybe about 5 minutes maxes. We also decided to stay around the same area because we know it very well. It was a nice home, very spacious, big rooms, backyard, and there’s a little park only 2 minutes away from it. It was brick all around and two floors. 4 bed rooms, a washer room, kitchen, huge living room, and in the master bedroom the bathroom is all connected.

  After we dropped off Mrs. Bostwick and headed home, Kellin and I slouched around on the couch watching T.V. Recently it’s all we’ve been doing because I get tired so quickly and Kellin won’t leave my side for anything, I’m not going to lie I ready for this baby to pop. I miss being able to do everything I wanted without restriction and plus, I want to hold our little girl! We also have her nursery painted and half way furnished. Yes, we planned ahead.

  Suddenly there was a knock at the big wooden door. I looked over at Kellin, whose arms I was being held in, with a playful puppy dog look to get him to open the door. He sighed in defeat with a smile and answered the door. I started to get myself comfy after I started to hear Kellin small talk with whoever was at the door.  Then I heard the footsteps start to walk over to the living room. I looked up to see Kellin followed by Vic and Tony. I quickly stood up and said greeted Vic and gave him a hug then pulled Tony into a big hug as he returned the favor.

 “Tony! I missed you so much!” I squealed in excitement. I heard him chuckled, “I missed you too, how are you?” He smiled as we all got seated on the couch. I sat in between Tony and Kellin and Vic sat next to Kellin, which both of them were already engaged in a deep conversation about something. “I’ve been good, lots of preparation.” I softly laughed as he did too. “So what about you?”

“I’ve been good, me and the guys wrapped up a short tour which was epic. “ His big genuine smile never left his face. “That’s awesome! Luck you, getting to travel I think the only places I’ve seen the last few months is the baby stores and the couch.” We both laughed and started let our conversation die down.

    “So, Iris, 2 more months and you’re ready to pop. Are you excited?” Vic asked. I smiled and nodded.

  The rest of the day continued with baby talk, tour talk, and just good friend talk. It was probably the best day that I’ve had in a while.

            The guys left and it was now 10:00 a night. I was lying in bed and Kellin was taking a shower. It was quiet and I just stared at the ceiling thinking. I let my mind take control, letting my thoughts swirl around. Something I tried to avoid doing. Usually that’s when the voice in my head comes out. I tried to silence it but sometimes it just has some damn good points. In my small moment of reflection I thought about myself and my problem. I haven’t told Kellin but my weight has plateaued. It’s something I’ve been afraid of, if you suffered long term anorexia there’s a small possibility that your metabolism could burn calories so quickly that you can’t gain the weight from the food. And that’s happening now. I am now 15 pounds underweight, somehow managed to gain 5 pound. I’ve been shoving my face with so much food it’s disgusting but I just can’t gain anything. I need to up those pounds!

I heard the shower water stop and after a bit the bathroom door opened revealing Kellin walking around in only his boxers. He brushed his hair with his hands and sat down next to me. He set a hand on mine and looked down at me. I shot him a half smile and took our hands, placing them near the side of my face then planted a small kiss over his. I tried to hide my troubled head at the moment from him because I didn’t want to worry him more than need be.

“Honey, I’m going to get a blanket from the washer room. It’s going to be cold tonight.” He said and started to go ahead and head down stairs. I turned on my side and started to think again. But it wasn’t my good thoughts it was the voice. The bad voice in my head.

‘You’re just a disappointment. Couldn’t even be healthy enough to carry a baby. What a failure.’

I furrowed my eyebrows and held the covers I had clutched in my hands.

‘I bet Kellin hates you and just pity’s you.’

Kellin loves me, he would never! I just need to stop this, it is not good for me.

‘You just can’t handle the truth! You just want to live in your own fantasy world where everything is perfect but news flash, you’re an ugly, useless, waste of space that nobody wants. Just go die.’

I had to urge myself not to let the tears fall because Kellin would come back up any minute.  I just tightly closed my eyes and was shaking my head. I couldn’t let this get to me, I was doing so good. I so happy before and now. . . Why?

I felt the weight on the bed shift and another blanket covering the others. Kellin slowly let his arms fondle me into his warm chest and he looked at me with his big beautiful green eyes. “Are you alright, love?” I soughed and tried to calm my reckless mind down before I spoke. I knew I need to tell Kellin and I need to tell him now. The sooner the better, they say. But I don’t know. We have just been so happy I wouldn’t want to ruin it. As much as I would like to say I wouldn’t want to bother him with my problem it wouldn’t be true, this is our problem. The E.D. was my problem but when it started to affect our child this because both of ours. I need, need, need to tell him right now. I nimbly brought myself to say,

“I’m fine, thank you for asking dear.” And tugged on another fake smile.

 Why I told him that. . . I don’t know. Secrets are the worst to keep and the most hurtful when found. I would never want to hurt Kellin but this – I just made a recipe for disaster.

A/N:

Hey guys, thank you for all the votes and comments. I look seeing them, sorry if I don’t reply to some. Also I am sooooooo sorry for this late update, I ran into a lot of family drama and couldn’t get it typed. Next one is on time I promise. Sorry for the boring beginning, it was like a half filler. I hope you enjoyed.

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