Just Make Du'aa

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Dina

I'm going to tell you something you've probably heard a million times before, but I'm going to say it anyway: college is hard. It's really hard, and so many things have a role to play in the difficulty of post secondary education. For one, the work is tedious (yeah I know, not a surprise). I mean the workload is pretty reasonable, and we have a decent amount of time to study and perfect our assignments but sometimes it just gets to your head that you have to write two 20 page essays about such an odd topic. For example, I'm currently trying to write an essay that proves Charles Dicken's Great Expectations is a feminist novel. Yes, yes I know what you're thinking: but Dina! Every single female in that book is a literal creature from hell. Believe me, I know! Not only that, but there are two endings to the wretched book, one of them helps me with my essay and the other contradicts everything I say. So, in the final conclusion, this is really freaking difficult.

Amity, my roommate, peered over my shoulder, "'While Estella's detachment from men is often viewed as arrogance and hostility, it also proves her independence and confidence. Her personality in Great Expectations promotes masculinity and strength in women while accepting their power and appeal.' Wow, that sure is a mouthful. Good sentence though."

"Thank you," I smiled, it always gives me a warm feeling when people compliment my wording. My smile dropped when I looked at my page count, "this is my final paragraph, before the conclusion, that is."

Amity glanced at my laptop screen as she popped one of my grapes into her mouth, "but you only have twelve pages my dude." I slid down in my chair and groaned, "ah, man! You can't extend any points? Or add new ones?"

With my head in my hands, I huffed, "I've written about every character that has anything to do with women. I can not, for the life of me, extend it."

"What about Biddy and Mr. Joe?"

I peeked from between my fingers, "what?"

Amity's eyes went wide, "you didn't write about their relationship! Dina!"

"That never occurred to me!"

"I am so disappointed in you! You can write five pages about what their relationship means!"

I stood up and wrapped my arms around my best friend, "this is why I need you!"

She giggled and patted my back, "alright, now you know what to do when we come back."

I sat back down and saved my essay, "I can't go. I have to finish this tonight."

"Dina this essay isn't due for another week. We need a night out." I gave her a pointed look, "okay, you need a night out!"

"You know I can't," I said a little too harshly, turning back to my laptop and giving it a blank stare. "Those parties are really overwhelming." Amity turned my chair so that I had to face her, "I don't deal with crowds very well."

That's another aspect that makes college so difficult, socializing. I know it isn't the same for everyone, but I was raised with a very limited social life. For as long as I lived with my parents I had no objection to living like that. I actually quite liked it: only hanging out with people I felt 100% comfortable with. Now, however, I live in a dorm with my best friend, and most of our time is spent in places outside of that small room. I have to interact with a lot of people and for some reason it always leaves me feeling drained and breathless. The panicked feeling comes out of nowhere.

Part of me blames my parents for this, they made me live like a hermit and I never developed the confidence I needed. The other part of me knows that I'm just not handling the whole 'on my own' thing very well. And A lot of mental challenges developed from that. I always manage to scrape by though, so honestly it isn't that big of a deal. It's not a bad situation or something that holds me back: just basic introvert challenges. Also, it's just physically draining to go to parties, plus they're not my thing! I'm a muslim girl for God's sake I don't belong in an alcohol infested, hormone contaminated, testosterone threatened space with loud music and stinky people.