Just Make Du'aa

• t w e n t y • e i g h t •

Dina

"Will you stop pacing?" my mother sighed, "you worry too much."

I stopped and turned to face my parents, "do I not have the right to worry? Mama I don't know what his mental state is right now! He's not with Aladdin or Brendan! What if he's with Tristan? I have to do something, I need to do something!"

My father groaned, "just make du'aa, okay? And he'll be fine inshallah."

"Make du'aa?" I scoffed, "papa I need to do something! I'm going to go look for him."

"You're always like this," he mumbled.

"Like what exactly?"

"Ready to be over emotional for no reason."

"Over emotional!" I yelled, "my husband got drunk last night and now he won't talk to me and I don't know where he is and you're sitting there just pointing out my flaws! I knew asking you to come here was wrong."

My mom scolded my dad, "honey all he means is–"

"No! No, you guys will just make me more anxious and stressed."

Standing up, my father said, "watch your tone, Dina."

"This was a mistake," I dialed my husband and went straight to voicemail, "he's not picking up! He's been out all day, I'm going to look for him."

"Dina!"

"You were supposed to help me! That's why you're here! So help me! I'm not a kid anymore dad. I know my relationship and my husband more than you do. I'm leaving."

They didn't try to stop me, and I walked until I realized I had no idea where I was going. Then I turned back and realized I was lost. Trying to stay calm, I pulled out my phone and attempted to find where I was. Mumbling prayers under my breath, I opened the maps and put in my house address. As calmly as I could, I started walking in the direction of the blue arrow. I turned a corner, then my phone blinked once and died. "No, no no no!" Hitting it against my leg in attempt to wake it up only caused it to slip out and fall. When I kneeled down my vision blurred with tears and I wiped them away angrily. My hands shook, I struggled to catch my breath. I was having a panic attack.

Someone touched my shoulder and I screamed, not being able to see who or what was happening caused my heart to beat against my chest. "Leave me alone, please! Leave me alone."

"Hey! Hey, it's me! Shh, baby it's me. I'm right here it's okay."

He held me tightly, not letting me move; forcing me to calm down. Farouz looked down at me, concern etched on his features. "I hate you!" I pushed away from him, "what the hell? You're not alone in this world Farouz you can't just drop off the face of the earth like that! Pick up your phone!"

"I'm sorry! I was with the sheikh and I turned it off."

"You're sorry? Stop it. Stop apologizing. Sorry's just become a word for you huh. Do you really mean it? You really mean that? I thought you were hurt! And you're sorry?"

He ran his hands through his hair, "I don't know what you want me to say."

"You just," I waved my hands in the air, at a loss for words, "you just keep saying things! Does any of it mean anything to you? Are you really sorry? Are you sorry for scaring me? Are you sorry for drinking away everything you've worked for and lying to me? Do you really regret all of that?"

His jaw twitched, either he was angry or on the verge of tears, "Dina, please."

"I just don't know with you anymore. You just prove to me time and time again that you don't care enough about this," I waved my hand between us, "to be honest with me or tell me things. Maybe I'm the problem? I don't know, I'm tired of worrying about you! I'm tired of always trying to make this work and you never meeting me halfway."