The World Is Worth A Smile

Passionate Disclosure

The canteen is still being bombarded with more and more people so, as I weave between them, it is hard to keep up with Cole who is a few metres ahead of me. I strain to see where he is going, but he walks quickly and I just see a glimpse of his blue jacket for a split second before he is once again swallowed by the crowd.

But there is nothing I can do but keep walking. The way he spoke to me just then had a heartfelt earnestness that I cannot ignore, so I keep going until I finally reach the door and burst out into the corridor again. It is much quieter here, most of the occupants of the police station either in their offices or the canteen, and so it is easy to spot Cole. He is stood in the doorway of a vacant meeting room, a few paces ahead, but once he sees me he heads inside, evidently wanting me to follow.

Like clockwork, that's what I do, entering the room and pulling the door closed behind me. Cole is stood with his back to me in the centre of the room, stock still, his body taut with tension. But once the bangs shut, he turns to face me.

His face is streaked with tears, yet his eyes are resolute and his voice steady as he speaks:

"Jasmine. I need you to tell me the truth. Neither of our lives are simple, but I thought that we had each other. I thought that we trusted each other. But I'm not stupid. You have been so distant with me ever since we got to Lauren's flat, like you want to cut me off. Do you? Because as much is it may hurt me, I need to know the truth."

I can feel my throat closing up as his words reach me, his heart wrenching plea shaking me to the core and stealing away my power to speak. But I know that I must speak. He deserves to know how I feel, he deserves to understand.

"Cole, I love you. I do. I can accept that what I feel is love. But the person I am, the person who loves you, is no longer a person I can be. Whenever I look at myself, I just see her, I feel the pain I felt for so many years. I don't think that I can go on like this. This trial has the power to save me from her, but not to save me from myself, from the person she has made me into. I need to start again, to leave everything behind, to forget about this version of myself."

I dare not look at Cole, but I can feel my own face grow wet with tears. Yet the words keep coming, an unending outpouring of the soul that once started cannot be stopped, even when each word is like a knife in the heart to the speaker and listener alike.

"For a while I wanted to kill myself. I nearly did. But now I realise that I don't have to do that. I don't need to kill Jasmine, I just need to kill this Jasmine. This Jasmine who is standing before you. I don't ask for you to forgive me, even for you to understand. But the person who loves you cannot survive."

As the last words leave my lips, my legs give way beneath me and slowly I sink to the floor, closing my eyes against the barrage of salty tears, pressing my hands against my mouth to smother the sob rising in my throat.

I owe it to Cole to address him directly, I know, but I just can't. I can't look at him for the fear of what it would do to my already shattered heart.

I feel as if I am in a bubble, surrounded by grief.

But with a word, a name, the bubble is popped.

"Jasmine." Cole whispers, sagging onto the floor beside me.

"I know you want to start again. You want to leave your past behind, including me. But you just don't see it. Everything that has happened has made you who you are. Your suffering has built you up like a painting. Not all of the colours have been nice, but you can't just wipe away a layer. The paint has dried and against all the odds, the person you have become is beautiful, a Phoenix risen from the ashes it was smothered by. A powerful, incredible person. A person who I helplessly love. Please understand. If you leave this life behind, you will leave yourself behind too. It is selfish, I know, but please don't do that. I love you, Jasmine. I love you because of the colours you have been through and the painting you have become."

The words fly towards me, each hitting me separately, yet reaching their mark in unison. I cannot do anything but listen, entangled by the web Cole's words are spinning. The tears stop. All I can do is listen.

"Neither of us are perfect, Jasmine, but that is what binds us. I know you have felt it, I know you feel it now." He continues, reaching out a shaking hand and cupping my cheek. "Don't deny that you feel it now." He breathes, fingers burning hot on my skin. "You don't have to start again to be happy."

"I know that you don't need me, you don't need protecting, but God knows I need you. I need you, Jasmine. Please, don't kill the person I love."

And then it is over. The words stop. The room is silent. Cole's hand drops to his side.

Slowly, I lift my head up until our eyes are level.

"I have been a fool." I choke.

Two eyes stare at two eyes.

"Because what you just said is wrong, Cole."

Two eyes cloud with defeat.

"Of course I need you."

Four eyes close.

Two hands entwine.

Two lips meet.

And time stops.

Author's Note:

Well. That took some writing. Finally everything is out in the open for Cole and Jasmine! I really hope you enjoyed it, it is probably one of the most eventful stages in the book and I left you on a bit of a cliff hanger last week so fingers crossed it lived up to expectations! Please vote if you did like it and comment what you thought and and what you think will happen next! Love you all,
AutumnSwift1 ❤❤❤
P.S. Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates xxx