23/ December/2016
Have you ever dreamed of something or someone you wanted in your life so much? For me, it was that I wanted to know who I was. I wanted to meet my birth mom and her family. I wanted to know why I struggled so much in grade school. I demand to know where I got my talents from. And, I just dreamed that I would have two families that I whom have in my life. My parents didn't care that I wanted to know. They have always been okay with it. So, last December, my mother and father, did a birth search for both me and my brothers parents even though he didn't want to know. My brother, Ken. was just going to follow what I did. Do whatever I did. I was so determined to meet family. To know where I came from. I was ready to get to know my birth family, have a close relationship with them. Give back to them. I wanted to give them something. I knew they were poor and I thought maybe I could help them. I am a giving for person after all. I love to help others. Couldn't wait for the opportunity.
Unfortunately, that opportunity never came. One day, when I was at the therapist's office my parents wanted to come in with me. I didn't really know why. I let them come in. I did not have anything I had to talk about anyways. What I wanted to talk about wasn't that important. My mom began to cry. I felt bad until I heard the news and began to cry too.
"I just got an email from the guy who did the search today." She sobbed.
"And, did they find them?" I exclaimed.
"No sweetie, it's bad news. They are dead. Your mom and her relative are all dead."
"How did they die? How about Kenny?" I asked.
Well, even though Kenny did not care. He didn't want to know he got want I have always wanted all my life. I was really jealous. I felt bad I was jealous. I didn't know why I was jealous. I just was. I was hurt also. Hurt more than I was jealous. I didn't want to do anything. I just wanted to cry. But, I stayed strong. Even now I am trying to figure out what I am supposed to do. How I am supposed to handle it.
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Adoptee thoughts
RandomMy name is Tatiana Kadykova I was born in Russia in 2003 and adopted in 2004 in Tambov, Russia. This is here for those adoptees who may share the same feelings.
